She Slays Me With Words
by garden-nomes
Summary: The lightness of her hair, the blue in her eyes... When poet met idealist. Rated M for language/other stuff.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I had a tingle of inspiration with regards to SF and actually read back over the last chapter... It isn't as bad as I thought it was...maybe I'm being hard on myself, overly critical, whatever... I thought it was actually lazy writing ending it that way...don't get me wrong I know it's a sweet scene, but I had originally intended to end it with Naomi sketching the sea while Emily observed and took photos.**

**I have had another plot line in my head related to the art side of it, and I think I might proceed with that one, and maybe set it a week or so ahead. I think the pace needs a bit of quickening... So I'm not making any promises, because I think personally the break from SF has been good (it allowed me to write RU and I don't think anyone is complaining about that...), and I am going to try and spend some time on it.**

**In the meantime... Because I don't know now long it will take me to figuratively pull my finger out, I am going to post something I've had, again, sitting on my iPad for a while. You guys can tell me if it's any good and if you want to see more of it, you all know what to do with the box thingies down below.**

**Again, this one is first person, and I'm interested to know which one people think I write I better.**

**On with it, then...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. Sometimes I just come up with ideas, and... Yeah. Any and all typographical errors are completely accidental, I swear!**

* * *

**(Emily POV)**

_Keep calm._

That's what I'm trying to tell myself as I stand backstage.

_Keep calm._

It rolls around my mind like a mantra, in quiet tones that are usually soothing, but I'm so nervous that all thought of anything being soothing is not serving to quell the storm of butterflies in my stomach.

The cold shiver I usually get before going onstage hit me as I hear the announcer.

"Ladies and germs, next up tonight we have a local Bristol poet who some of you may know well, please welcome Miss Emily Fitch!"

Ok, so the applause is sort of sporadic, but I'm used to it, and I push the curtain aside and take my place on stage at the microphone.

"Good evening, everyone, I hope you're all having a wonderful night. My piece this evening is titled 'Eyes', so I hope you enjoy it."

A further smattering of applause. Gee, tough crowd this evening, no? Oh well, on with the show. Time to bare my tortured heart once more...

_"What do I see, when I open my eyes?  
A world of colour, so vibrant and pure.  
I see your face in front of me  
With skin so beautiful  
The hair that frames your face, so soft  
The cleanness of your vision  
Speaking to my heart.  
Your own eyes that pierce mine  
In many ways  
Subtle, direct... Challenging.  
What more can I say?  
I accept.  
Pierce me a little more, with your eyes.  
Dig yourself in, so you can stay there.  
Let me drown in ways I never imagined.  
Connect to me, as I connect to you.  
Hold me close, in a less physical way  
That leaves nothing unspoken.  
Oh, how I wish you would.  
The things I would love to tell you  
With only my eyes to speak.  
The clarity of your irises  
Speak to me in a language without words  
Without physicality  
Tell me you love me  
Just with your beautiful eyes."_

There's a short pause.

"Thank you." I say, to another ripple of applause, bolstered by the whole hearted cheering of Cook and Katie, who are somewhere near the back of the crowd. Looks like it's a good thing I brought my 'fan club' with me. I take a small bow, as the announcer comes back into the stage.

"Give her a hand, folks, Emily Fitch!"

I give a small wave and smile as I walk off the stage to somewhat sporadic applause. _Philistines_.

"We're going to take a short break and be back in about half an hour, so grab yourself a drink and chill out, folks!" The announcer continues, as I make my way down the steps.

I don't know why I still submit myself to this.

I'm Emily Fitch. The announcer probably gave you the heads up on that, no? If you haven't figured it out, I write poetry. I like to think I'm good at it, but the usual pub crowd are usually too drunk to notice what I'm saying, hence the lacklustre applause.

Which is more or less why I brought Cook and my sister Katie with me. Thank god they were free tonight, or else I might not have got any applause at all, that wasn't half-hearted.

I made my way to the bar, shuffling past drunken punters that had their eyes fixed on the stage, but were now just milling around aimlessly, now that there was nothing to hold their attention on stage.

"Vodka and lemonade, thanks." I say to the bartender, handing over a tenner. He nods and makes my drink, setting it on a coaster, along with my change.

"That was a great poem, love." He says, with a smile. "You busy later?"

Oh, right. The bartender who thinks he can get any girl, just because he can flip liquor bottles like they are juggling clubs. Unlucky for him, considering he has equipment I have no interest in.

"I, uh..." I start, with my usual speech.

"She's not your type, mate." The lisp of Katie's voice startles me slightly as she slides into a seat next to me. "So, fuck off, yeah?" She says, with a tight smile.

"Subtle." The bartender says, before frowning and moving away.

"You're lucky, Ems. That guy? Total loser and a lousy shag." My sister scoffs.

"Why am I _not_ surprised that you are the one to tell me that, Katie?"

"'Cause, I'm your big sister, and I know best!"

I laugh. "You're only older by six minutes, Kay."

"Whatever, Ems. You know I'm right. You need a decent guy, and he's not a decent guy."

"And as I've told you many times, not looking for a guy, Kay! So _stop_ setting me up with Danny's mates, yeah? I can't believe you're still with him, anyway. He's such a sleaze."

"I can't believe you still think you're confused."

I groan and hold my head in my hand. "Katie, I'm not 'confused'. I'm GAY!"

"You're not gay, Ems... Just stupid."

"What did you think of the poem?" I ask, changing the subject.

"Huh? Oh yeah... It was great. This crowd doesn't know poetry at all." Katie says, matter-of-factly.

_Like she would know_. Her appreciation of poetry extends to Lady Gaga lyrics, which she thinks are the best thing since sliced bread. Catchy, but not quite as memorable or intelligent as say, John Lennon, or Freddie Mercury.

"EMILIO!" The nickname Cook has for me pierces the air around us as he wanders up and slings his arm around my shoulders. "Fookin' awesome poem, man. Have no idea what it meant, but you wrote it, so it's awesome in Cookie's book."

"Ha, thanks Cook." I reply, as he hugs me, the smell of his usual cheap cologne permeating my nose.

"Mint! I say we get drinking and I need a willy waggle. Don't suppose you'd fancy it, Emilio?"

A short laugh leaves my throat. "Still gay, Cookie."

"Damn. Well, if you ever change your mind..." He says, wiggling his eyebrows. God knows how that boy manages to get a shag at all, he's a bit on the boorish side, but can be sweet when he wants or needs to be, I suppose.

"She'd have to be blind drunk first." Katie mutters, and Cook just laughs loudly.

"OI! Bartender! Gimme a pint and six shots of TEQUILA!" Cook shouts above the music. The bartender nods and sets about preparing the drinks.

"So, Ems... Time to go out and have some fun, yeah? There's this new club that's opened, and..."

The bartender sets the shots down in front of Cook, and he slides two over to both me and Katie. "Drink up, ladies! Lets get fuckin' mental!"

I knock back the shots one after the other, and wince as the alcohol burns its way down my throat, settling warm in my stomach.

"Ems?" My sister prods.

"Actually, Katie, I was planning on staying until the end of the night, and then just going home." I protest. I was interested in seeing the other talent tonight, and not spending the night fending off the boys Katie would no doubt send my way. She's irritating sometimes, and often thinks I'm confused about who I am, and that I'll grow out of the 'phase' eventually. Oh well, at least she didn't try and have me 'cured' like mum certainly would have...if she knew.

The psychologist I saw once or twice (before I decided it wasn't for me) got a huge laugh when I told him why I was there. He told me that there was really nothing wrong with me, and that it was pointless to continue seeing me. He could see that I wasn't confused about who I was, given that I told him I knew that I was gay from as early as the age of nine.

I wasn't too happy with what he told me somehow, but whatever. At the age of seventeen, I wasn't going to let anything dictate how I lived my life, least of all my mother's homophobia, so I left home and moved into a flat with Katie, who was a bit of a slob at times, but didn't care, in the end, that I was gay. Her consistent attempts to try and set me up with random loser boys were annoying at first, but we reached an understanding about it, eventually. But occasionally, she would forget. I love my twin dearly, but Jesus, she can be ditzy at times.

"Seriously, Ems? Most of the people tonight have been awkward lesbians with bad taste in fashion. There's gotta be something more fun than this!"

I look at her, trying to set her on fire with my gaze. Damn, it's not working.

"You go ahead, Katie. I'm staying."

"Suit yourself. Although why you'd stay, I have no idea. Plenty of hot guys to be had at this club!" she replies, as she turns to leave.

"Katie... We've had this discussion. I'm _gay_, you need to remember it and stop trying to set me up with random twats!" I yell to her, earning me a wave as she exits the pub. I shake my head and Cook laughs.

"She's still occasionally forgetting about it, isn't she?"

"Like you wouldn't believe, Cookie."

"Well, if you ever change your mind..." He grins, before wandering off.

"Alright folks, we're going to be back in about five minutes, so time to get a fresh drink and find somewhere to sit or lean!" The announcer says, as people begin to scramble for the bar. I feel a jolt from behind me as someone knocks into me, and what's left of my vodka and lemonade spills down my top. It's a good thing I wore black.

"Oh, god. I'm so sorry! Are you ok?" A female voice says, as a hand grips my shoulder. I turn around, and I know I'm short, but I'm met with a pair of tits in a white singlet, and shoulders, hidden under a blue blazer, and shrouded in peroxide blonde hair. I look up to be met with a concerned expression, but am trapped, oh, so trapped by her eyes. The most beautifully clear blue eyes I think I've ever seen.

"Are you ok?" She repeats, looking at me with curiosity and wonder. God, she is beautiful. I know I'm staring, but I just can't help myself. Well, my heart is thumping out of my chest, and my top is half drenched, but other than that I'm just perfect. Wait, why is my heart doing that?

"I...uh...yeah, I'm fine. No harm done." I say, with a shy smile. "Nothing that won't wash out."

"Oh, good. Sorry about that, I'm such a klutz sometimes." She continues, and then stops. "Hey, weren't you the last poet? Um, Emily, right?"

"Yeah." I blush. "You have me at a disadvantage, though."

"I do?"

"You know my name, but I don't know yours..." I say, smirking.

She looks at me, her brow furrowed in confusion. "Oh, right. Um, I'm Naomi." She says, holding her hand out. I take and shake it, feeling a slight jolt from the contact of her skin against mine.

"Naomi. Nice to meet you. Did you like the poem?" I ask.

"It was interesting. Very...descriptive." She says, hesitantly.

"It's ok, you can say if you didn't. I can handle the criticism." I smile.

"No, I did like it, I'm just not as good at describing things as you seem to be. But then I guess that's why you write poetry and I study politics."

I laugh. "Well, poetry is only one thing I do. I also write for the local paper here in Bristol. You know, the usual fluff to pay the bills."

It's then I notice that she's staring at me, curiously. As though she is hovering over every inch of my features, drinking me in with her beautiful blue eyes.

"Can I buy you a drink? To make up for the one I made you spill?"

I watch her expression, it's hopeful, and something about her is drawing me in.

"Sure. Vodka and lemonade."

She flags down the bartender and orders me a new drink, as well as one for herself, and he places them on coasters in front of us. She motions to it and smiles. "Care to sit down?" I nod and we move over to a free booth, sitting opposite each other.

"So, you study politics?" I ask her, as we sit down. I wish I didn't find it hard to make conversation at the best of times. But then I'm not used to meeting girls in pubs and not having it lead to a quick shag in the toilets in the first twenty minutes.

"Yeah, as well as a minor in journalism. I'm only here covering the poetry night for the uni paper."

"I expect a decent write-up, in that case." I joke.

"Actually, I think you are the highlight of the evening. The rest of this lot have frankly been boring me to tears."

"Really?" I ask. "I'm flattered, thank you." I smile. It's probably less of a goofy smile than it feels like, but it's been a while since I had a compliment like that.

"Welcome." She replies, taking a sip from her drink. It takes me a few seconds to realise I'm blatantly staring at her lips. She's wearing lip balm, and they look soft and sensuous. I'm almost thinking about them wrapped around my ni- ARGH! Snap out of it, Emily!

I clear my throat. "I'd like to read your review, if that's alright."

"It'll be done by the end of the week. If you give me your number I can text you to let you know when it's done." she says.

"Strange way to ask for a girl's number..." I mutter, as Naomi slides her phone across the table to me.

She shrugs, as I punch in my number, and slide it back across to her. "Well, it's less clichéd than just inviting you out for coffee. Besides, the paper is an online edition, so I can just shoot you the web address, if you like."

"Sure, but I think you should take me out for coffee, anyway. It would at least be polite after you spilled my drink." I smirk.

"Hey, I bought you a drink, doesn't that make up for it?" She protests. She bites her bottom lip between her teeth. God, that's cute. She's cute. I want to take her home, and...

"For the drink, yes." I reply, mentally smacking myself. "But I'm talking about my pain and suffering, here."

Naomi looks at me suspiciously. "Pain and suffering, over a spilled vodka? You're having me on, Emily."

I shrug and smile. "Was worth a shot." I sip from my drink, and set the glass back on its coaster. "I'd like to, though. Go for a coffee with you. Only if you want to, though."

Naomi laughs softly. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Are you busy tomorrow?" I ask her.

"You're awfully forward, being that we've just met." She replies. "But yes, I have a bit of free time tomorrow afternoon after classes. I'll text you and let you know when and where."

"I shall await it, with keen interest."

She finishes her drink, and checks the large gold watch that is on her wrist, and frowns. "Well, I've got all I'm going to get here tonight. Unfortunately, I have to go. Early morning tomorrow. It's been great chatting with you, though." She says, as she stands up. "Sorry again about the spillage."

"It's fine, no harm done." I reply, as she offers her hand again. I reach out to shake it, once again feeling a tingle as our skin touches. Her eyes widen, so I know she feels it as well.

"See you tomorrow, then." She nods, and then turns and walks away through the crowd.

"Who was that?" Cook asks, as he sits across from me, taking the space that Naomi just vacated.

"Huh?" I ask, distracted as I try to keep my eyes on her blonde hair as it walks through the pub door.

"The blonde fit girl that was just sitting here?"

"Oh." I reply, feeling empty because she's not sitting in front of me anymore. "Her name's Naomi." Oh, I like the way her name feels as I say it. I can't help but think what it would sound like when I'm screaming it. Dear god, I've only just met the girl and already I'm infatuated with her. "She's covering the event for her uni paper."

"Nice one. Reckon she'd fancy a shag?"

I stare at him. "Don't you dare. She's mine. At least... With any luck."

"Oh yeah? And without any luck?"

"All yours, Cookie!" I grin, with a wink, as I blow him a kiss. "I'm off, yeah? See you later."

"Alright, Emilio. Take care, yeah? No talking to strange neanderwhatsit lesbians on yer way home."

"Do I ever?" I laugh, standing up, and punching him playfully in the shoulder. I make my way out of the pub and hit the street, to see Naomi having a conversation with a tall girl with long light brown hair. The girl is standing closer to Naomi than looks comfortable, and it makes me want to go over there and smack her. What? I shake the thought from my head and stand in the shadows, watching. I'm not a stalker, I swear. Really!

"So, how about it, Naomi?"

"Sophia, I've told you... It was fun, but I'm not really interested, ok? It just isn't a goer."

"Is this how you treat all the girls you sleep with?" She asks her.

Invisible cheerleaders are doing a "hallelujah, she's on your side of the fence!" dance next to me.

"No, just the ones I've no intention of sleeping with again." She says, a snarkiness to her tone. She turns and walks off down the street, and I have to stop myself from going after her.

I may have been infatuated with her on first meeting, but I wasn't a stalker. So, I just resign myself to walking home, in the opposite direction to her. My text alert goes off, and it's from a number I don't recognise.

"Hey, it's Naomi. Here's my number, just in case something comes up and you can't make it tomorrow. But I hope you can, it was nice spending time with you. Sorry again about the drink. Have a good night. xNx"

I type back a reply.

"Hi, thanks for the text. I left not long after you, actually. No worries about the shirt. It'll wash out ;) Take care and get home safe, ok? See you tomorrow. xEmilyx"

I put my phone back in my pocket and continue walking home. But I'm already looking forward to coffee with Naomi tomorrow.

* * *

I was woken up the next morning by the rain splattering against the window. That, and the obnoxious ringtone of my mobile. I slid an arm out from under the duvet and blindly groped for it, my fingers coming into contact with it on my bedside table.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Emily! You're late!" Freddie said, jolting me completely awake. I look at the clock sitting on my bedside table. It was a little after nine.

"Fuck! Sorry, Freds. I'm out the door in five, yeah? Be there as soon as."

"Ok, but you'd better hurry, Johnson is being a right pain this morning."

"Alright, I'm on my way." I say, hanging up. The last thing I needed was my boss on my case. I got out of bed and showered, getting dressed in probably record time, and made my way out the door. Coffee could wait until I hit the office.

"FITCH! GET IN HERE!"

I groan, as I hear Johnson's voice echo through the office. I drop my damp rucksack on the floor at the side of my desk and head into his office.

"You're late." He says, from behind his desk. "What's your excuse?"

"Sorry, Mr Johnson, my alarm didn't go off." I offer.

"Hmm." He says, peering up at me, looking at me skeptically. "Alright, but this is the last time, Fitch. Next time you are late, I'm writing you up. The food section needs a piece on that new café that's just opened up on the high street. You're it. I want it in my inbox tomorrow by three. Now, get out of my sight."

"Right. Thanks, Mr Johnson." I reply, before walking backwards out of his office. I cross to my desk and sit down. Freddie wanders up and sits on the corner of my desk.

"How'd it go with Johnson?" he said.

"The usual. He's given me an assignment on that new café that's opened. Do you know the name of it?"

"Yeah, The Pickled Fig? Karen went there the other day, says its alright. What's he got you doing? Straight review?"

"Yeah, by tomorrow. Shouldn't be too hard, I'm off this afternoon and I'm meeting someone for coffee. Looks like I found a venue."

"Oh yeah? Anyone I know?"

"I don't think so. She's a uni student... She was writing a piece on the poetry thing last night."

"How did that go?" Freddie asks, fiddling with some pens in the cup on my desk.

"Same old crowd of wankers who don't really appreciate poetry that much, I suppose. Anyway, she liked it, we'll, she told me as much after she spilled my drink all over me." I explained.

"Classy. And you got a coffee date after that?"

"In a roundabout way. I kind of talked her into it."

"Nice. Is she hot?"

I picture her in my head, recalling the images I more or less stored in my mind automatically the previous night. "She's gorgeous." I grin.

"And you didn't go home with her?"

"When I spoke to her, I wasn't sure about her. It wasn't until after she left that I had my suspicions confirmed. She was talking to a girl outside the pub and was fobbing her off. Apparently they slept together before, and the other girl was looking for a repeat, but Naomi wasn't having it."

"Naomi?" Freddie asked.

"Oh yeah, that's her name."

"Hmm."

"What? You look like you know something..." I say, looking at Freddie with a curious expression.

"Oh, it's just... Effy knows a Naomi who is studying at uni and works on the paper there. Tallish, blonde, blue eyes..."

"That sounds like her."

"Effy says she can be a bit of a grumpy bitch sometimes."

"Oh?"

"Well, I dunno her, do I? But Eff says she's totally gay, so your suspicions are correct."

I can't hide the grin on my face. "Reckon you can get me the address for that café?"

"I'll have it for you by lunch!" Freddie smiles, and wanders off to his own desk.

* * *

Later, Freddie has emailed me the address for the café. I pick up my phone and send a text to Naomi.

"Hi, are we still on for coffee? There's a new café that's opened up that's worth a try... The Pickled Fig? xEmilyx"

A few minutes later, I get a reply.

"Hi, yeah, I know the place. Meet you there around two for a late lunch? xNx"

That works for me, at least then I can try the food, and write my review tonight.

"Sounds great. I'll see you then :) xEmilyx"

It's still raining by the time I get there. It's been chucking it down all day, but thankfully, I've spent the majority of it inside. I look at the outside of the place, it looks to be somewhat upmarket from the outside, but you never can tell the true vibe of a place until you step inside.

So I do. I open the door, and am greeted by a very homely aroma. Coffee, no doubt, as well as nuances of sweet and savoury goodness. God, I really am starting to sound like Astrid, the quirky chick who usually does our food reviews. But she's been off sick with the flu for a couple of weeks, which is why I've been landed with her assignment.

I spot Naomi's long blonde hair, she is sitting at a table by the window, looking at one of the menus. I walk over to her table.

"Hey. Thanks for coming." I say, with a smile as I sit down.

"You must be lucky, I usually don't venture out in this weather for just anybody." she replies, gesturing to the rain that's pelting down outside. I can hear the sarcasm in her voice, and it's sort of amusing. I sit down across from her and pick up a menu from between the salt and pepper shaker, and peruse it carefully. It seemed like your usual café type fare.

"How hungry are you?" I ask, looking over at her.

"Not particularly, I'm not fussed, though... We can share some chips or something if you want." She replies.

The waitress comes over, wearing a black apron, embroidered with a fancy "Pickled Fig" logo. "Hiya, welcome to The Pickled Fig. What can I get you?"

"Latté?" I ask Naomi, who nods in response. I turn back to the waitress. "Two lattés and an order of chips to share."

"Alright, and what sides would you like with your chips?"

"What have you got?" Naomi asks.

"Barbecue, tomato, sweet chilli and sour cream." Naomi looks at me, as if to tell me it's my choice.

"Hmm...sweet chilli and sour cream." I reply.

"Alright. I'll be back with your order, shortly." She says, giving us both each a wide smile.

"Someone should tell her to cut down on the coffee." Naomi mumbles, once the waitress is out of earshot. I can't help but laugh, which earns me a raised eyebrow from her. "What? There's doing your job in a cheery manner, and there's forcing the cheeriness. She was forcing it."

"You think?" I ask.

"Not only that, she was eyeing you up. She could barely take her eyes off you." she says, with a smirk. I look back at her, eyebrow raised skeptically. I can't help but think that I've not only got an advantage in knowing that Naomi is gay, but not only that, her tone is bordering on flirtatious.

"Well, I don't think she would have got far. Totally not my type." I laugh, looking directly at Naomi. God, her eyes are so blue. A real vivid blue that just threatens to suck me in. You are my type, I think to myself. And I know something you don't know that I know.

"And what is your type, then?" She asks, as the waitress brings our order.

"There's your chips and your coffee. Enjoy!" She says, with a smile and walks off.

"You're right, she _is_ trying too hard." I snicker, stirring some sugar into my coffee.

"You didn't answer my question..." Naomi says, quietly, stirring her own coffee. She's staring at me so intently, it should be unnerving, but it isn't. Her gaze is one of curiosity. Like no matter what the outcome, she just wants to know the answer.

"I find it's more about the person on the inside, rather than the superficial. My type is intelligent and can hold a conversation. Although, looking gorgeous doesn't hurt." I reply, looking right at her through half open eyes. "But if she's as thick as two short planks..." I say, indicating the waitress, "Yeah, not my thing." I finish, picking up a couple of chips off the place and dipping them into the sour cream, before eating them. I notice her eyes widen slightly as I do.

Ok, so eating chips isn't _exactly_ seductive. But hey, I make do with what I have in my immediate area.

"So, a girl with a brain, then?" she says, reaching across for some chips of the plate.

"Yeah."

"But if you had to simplify it... Say you're out at a club, and you're really wankered and fancy a shag, but don't have the time or patience to converse with her and find out about her..." She says, egging me on.

"Then, it's the eyes." I reply, again locking my eyes with hers. "And what about you?" Go on, I dare you., I think. Either look away, or bite. Please bite. Please?

"Creativity. I like those who are creative. Intelligence helps, too. For much the same reason as you mentioned." she says.

"And if you were totally wankered and fancying a shag?"

She laughs, slightly, and I decide it's a sound I could get used to hearing. "Then it would also be the eyes, as well as whatever else is distinctive." she says, nodding to me. It takes me a second to realise she is talking about my hair. "Sort of catches the eye." she says, as I feel myself blushing. "It's much brighter in daylight, though."

"Even more so on a sunny day." I say, with a shy smile.

"So, you said you work for a newspaper?" She asks.

"Yeah, The Bristol Star. Band reviews, other fluff pieces... The odd restaurant review."

"Ah, so that's why we're here." Naomi smirks.

I laugh, brushing my fringe out of my eyes. "Ok, you got me. Our food person is off sick and my prick of a boss made me do her article this week, because I was late to work this morning, and she was supposed to review this place. Besides, I wasn't sure where else to go."

"Ah. I wondered why you ordered chips." Naomi smirked.

"Well, I sort of skipped lunch, as well." I grinned.

"Occupational hazard?"

"Well, when you're doing food reviews."

Naomi nods. "So... Tell me about yourself, Emily." she says, resting her chin on her hand.

"Not much to tell. I'm twenty, I work at the paper, and I write poetry. In my spare time, I like to listen to music, watch the odd movie. I also like dogs and long walks on the beach at sunset."

"You forgot to mention that you're a bit of smartarse." Naomi says, sarcasm lacing her tone.

"And ruin the fun of you discovering it? Of course not!" I grin.

"Any brothers or sisters?"

"One twin sister. One perve of a little brother."

Naomi raises her eyebrow. Did I mention how cute I found that? Yes? Well, I've decided it's not cute, it's totally fucking sexy. "You have a twin sister?"

"Yeah. But she's the total opposite of me. Loud, a bit obnoxious, and will practically shag any guy who looks at her, so long as she considers him totally fit."

"Hmm. So you two are identical?"

"Mostly. Except for the hair, hers is dyed a sort of dark purple colour. It's the only way to tell us apart, these days. Our mum made us do all that identical twin shit until we were about twelve, you know... same clothes, same hair. And then Katie, that's my sister... She insisted we keep it up, until a couple of years ago. I dyed my hair red first, though. She got really mad and dyed it to copy me, then decided she liked it. It wasn't until last year she changed it to the colour it is now."

"Who's the older twin?" Naomi asks, taking another couple of chips from the plate and smothering them in cream and chilli before eating them.

I frown. "Katie is, but only by six minutes."

"Clearly, you were the masterpiece, then." she smiles. The tone of her compliment ripples through me and makes me feel warm inside. I can feel myself blushing again, and I pick up my coffee and sip it slowly.

"Don't tell Katie that. She'd probably give you a snarky line about how she's better looking, or how she's less confused than I am."

"Confused?" Naomi asks, clearly puzzled by my comment.

"Katie's in denial, just like my mother. Refuses to believe I'm gay. I just haven't found the right man, yet!" I say, mimicking both my mother and sister in the one statement.

"That must be hard, no? And I don't see how they could be in denial, it's pretty obvious, Emily."

_What?_

"You mean? You knew! And yet you asked me all that shit about my type and everything!"

Naomi holds her hands up in surrender. "Guilty. Sorry, couldn't resist it. I mean, I wasn't completely sure, but I needed you to confirm it, and it was a bit more subtle than just asking you outright, no?"

"And a little less rude, I guess." I smirk. "At least I didn't need to confirm with you."

"No? I didn't think my appearance screamed "lezzer". I thought I was a bit more subtle than that." Naomi frowned, slightly.

"Oh, you are. I mean, my gaydar is pretty good, but that's not what gave it away." I laughed. "It was your conversation with the girl outside the pub last night that sort of clued me in."

"Eh? Oh... Sophia." Naomi says. Well, she half groans it. "How did you know about that?"

I shrug. "I left just after you did. I was going to stay for the rest of the poetry event, but lost interest after you left. When I got out of the pub, you were there talking to her."

"Yeah, fobbing her off, more like. I only shagged her the once, and she keeps trying it on, even though I've told her it's not a goer. She wasn't even that good."

"It's always the clingy randoms that seem to be trouble." I laugh.

"Unfortunately, she and I are both at the same uni. So I run into her rather regularly." Naomi adds. "I think she's a bit infatuated with me, although I can't understand why."

"Oh, I can." I blurt out, clearly without thinking. I realise what I've said, and then look at her. She's piercing me again, with those eyes of hers. Not only that, she's capturing me. And I think she thinks she knows it. "You are gorgeous." I tell her, quietly.

"T-thanks." she says, as if unsure how to take the compliment.

"And, you seem to appreciate poetry. Either that, or you were just there out of some obligation to your uni paper, which would be sad, because I'd like to think you're as smart as you are attractive."

"You have to be smart to appreciate poetry?"

"It depends. To properly appreciate it, I believe a certain amount of intelligence is required, but then some poetic things are not as smart as they could be. Song lyrics, for one."

"Oh, I don't know. There are some great lyrics that have been written over time."

I laugh. "This is true, but the greatness has dwindled over time. Haven't you seen those Internet memes that compare Led Zeppelin to the likes of Beyoncé, or god forbid, Nicki Minaj?"

"_Ugh_." Naomi shudders. "Surely that's..."

"_Complete_ sacrilege. Yeah, I know. But kids these days feed off that tripe."

"True. What do you usually listen to?" She asks.

"Anything except country, really."

"No country? Why?"

I look at her curiously. I mull over my answer for a moment. "I just don't like the way it sounds. I have some whiny music in my collection, but it's just that whole country twang that just rubs me the wrong way."

"Interesting." she replies, still staring at me. Our eyes lock and we don't say anything for a few moments. I don't know what she's thinking, and it should be concerning me, but I find that it isn't.

"Don't you want to know why it's interesting?" She asks, breaking the comfortable silence between us.

A smile crosses my lips. "Sure, I do. But maybe it's not something I want to find out today..." I reply, my eyebrow raising of its own accord.

"You're rather confident, aren't you?" Naomi smirks. "Thinking that we'll go out again."

"Well, you have to be confident, to get on a stage in front a bunch of drunken students and bare your soul." I answer. "Besides, I'd like to get to know you more." I pause. "And you wouldn't be here if you weren't curious about me, or are you just here out of obligation, seeing as I sort of..."

"...Railroaded me into coffee slash lunch? I _DID_ spill your drink all over you, remember?"

"Yes, and usually I get to know a girl before she gets me all... wet."

Naomi raises her eyebrow in response to that, and then a sly smile spreads across her lips. "Confident, and cheeky. I think I'm liking you even more, Emily." she chuckles.

We both reach towards the plate, and our fingers connect as we each try and pick up the last chip. Naomi draws her hand back quickly, almost as if she's been burnt by something. I wonder for a moment, if she felt the same sensation I just did.

"Go ahead." I say softly, nodding to the chip.

"No, it's ok, you take it." she says.

I shake my head and smile. "Here, we'll split it, yeah?" I say, picking up the chip and splitting it in half, holding one half out to her. The tips of her fingers brush against mine as she takes it from me, and the electricity that passes between us makes me shiver. I dip my half of the chip into what's left of the sour cream, and pop it in my mouth, watching Naomi, as she looks back at me, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth, a shy smile crossing her lips.

She picks up the other half of the chip, scoops up the rest of the sour cream, and I swallow, my eyes trained on her mouth, blatantly observing the way her gorgeous lips move as she chews slowly.

"So..." she says, once she has swallowed her mouthful, "is your review of this place going to be favourable?"

"Coffee wasn't bad, chips were ok..." I muse. "But the weather's shit, and the company is even worse..."

"Ha, liar!" Naomi smirks. "You're thoroughly enjoying my company, and you know it!"

"Someone's a little full of themselves..." I laugh.

"Well, at least I didn't spill anything on you this time around."

"And my shirt thanks you, believe me!"

"Smartarse."

"You love it." I say, with a wink. Naomi looks at me with what appears to be confusion, like she wants to tell me yes, but something is stopping her. She opens her mouth to say something, but her phone's ringtone stops her. She looks at the screen and frowns, sighing.

"Sorry, but I have to go. Flatmate." She says, holding up her phone. She fishes around in her pocket.

"Don't, I'll get it." I say.

"Don't be silly. Coffee is on me, as payback for spilling your drink, remember?"

We stare at each other for a few moments, as if having a silent disagreement about who should pay. I finally raise my eyebrow.

"Ok, you pay for the coffee, then. I ordered the chips, and have to write the review anyway, so they're on me."

Naomi looks at me, biting her bottom lip. "Ok, deal." She tosses a fiver onto the table between us, and stands up. "Next time, though, it's on you."

"Next time? Now who's being cocky?" I smirk. She simply shrugs, and looks at me with a hopeful expression, and then turns to leave. I stand up, leaving enough on the table for the chips, following her out of the café.

"Naomi..." I start, as we exit through the door, the rain now having stopped, and she spins around and steps towards me, looking at me with a very intense expression. The intensity of her gaze traps me, and her eyes flick downwards briefly, and then come back up to meet mine. She leans closer, my breath catches, and my tongue unconsciously flicks out, licking my lips right before her own brush against mine, in a tentative kiss. And if I thought there was electricity when our fingers touched, the contact of her soft, warm lips against mine was like a ten thousand volt charge going right through my body, running through my bloodstream and settling low in my stomach. And it's Naomi that deepens it, gently running her tongue across my lip, the palm of her hand making contact with my neck, before she pulls back and stares at me, her eyes looking darker than I've seen them so far.

"Whoa." she whispers, barely audible to anyone else but me. We're staring at each other again, and I'm not sure what to say. See you later? Can you kiss me again, so I can make sure it was real, and not just a figment of my imagination? Before I can open my mouth, Naomi's phone starts to ring, and she frowns as she answers it. "Hey, Eff. Yeah, I'm on my way now. Ok, see you shortly." she hangs up, and looks at me, apologetically. "Sorry, I really have to go."

"Shame..." I say, my voice huskier than usual. "Can I call you later?"

She ponders my question, briefly, and then nods. "Yeah, I think I'd like that." she says quietly, as she gives me another shy smile, making my heart skip. She leans in and kisses my cheek softly. "See you later." she says as she turns and walks away.

"I certainly hope so..." I whisper to myself.

* * *

**A/N#2: Thoughts? Yay? Nay? Do tell.**

**Cheers as always for reading, and forgive my consistent apprehension about my talent. It's as consistent as my talent for writing things that keep you interested in reading, I suppose.**

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


	2. Knock Three Times

**A/N: This story tends to jump around in terms of things happening...it's either slow or too fast or whatever... What can I say except that I think of true love as being something that transcends everything, including time. It's just me, so... I write from now I think, so that explains probably a bit more about me than most people should know :-P**

**Having said that, I've actually got the first six chapters of this story written two chapters per document, so that's why chapter one was so long. I'm going to try and continue after chapter six, so we will see what happens.**

**Oh dear. This chapter contains a Cigarette Warning™. The purpose of a cigarette warning, my friends, is that if you are in a place where it is not appropriate for you to read it due to being in public, at your mother's/grandmother's/great aunt Lydia's, you really shouldn't read it because it will no doubt make you rather...er...uncomfortable. :-P ... The theory also being that you'll need a cigarette, ****_just like after really good sex._**

**TAKE HEED OF MY WARNINGS lol**

**(Unless of course you are into being teased, in which case...)**

**Anyway, on with it...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. I once listened to Led Zeppelin's live album The Song Remains The Same during a thunderstorm once... Any and all typos snuck,in like the sneaky little bastards they are.**

* * *

**(Naomi POV)**

I walked into my flat and shut the door behind me, tossing my keys into the dish by the door. The flat is quiet, save for the noise of the television, that Effy has tuned to one of those crappy reality shows that I can never be bothered with, but I can tell she's only half watching. Her ears may be tuned in, but she has that far away look in her eyes, that tells me she is thinking dark thoughts again.

This is why she's called me. This is only why she ever calls me if I'm out. When the thoughts start to get to be too much, had her only solace is a spliff, or seeing the bottom of a bottle of cheap vodka. Effy heard voices. She said it was like having one hundred people standing around you all talking at once, with nothing to separate the conversation. She told me one night some of the terrifying things she heard, with no way to stem the tide of it all.

So she drank, partied, took drugs, and slept around. Anything to try and make her feel something other than this torrent of voices, that were threatening to tear her mind apart. I joined her most times, if anything just to make sure she was ok. She kissed me once, but told me that even though she did like me, and find me attractive, that she couldn't subject me to the reality of having a crazy girlfriend.

I sat down on the couch, carefully, "Eff?"

"Naomi."

"What's up, Eff? I say quietly, placing my hand on her shoulder.

"How was your lunch date?" she smirks. But it's cold, almost lifeless.

"Fine, until I got a text message from my flatmate." I say, with a slight hint of annoyance.

"Oh, I interrupted? I'm sorry..." She says, bowing her head.

"It's ok, Eff." I reassure her, placing my hand gently on her shoulder. "Now tell me, are you ok?" I wasn't really mad, in fact she probably saved me from an awkward situation. I had kissed the girl from the bar, and honestly, I was so scared of the feeling that ran through me when it happened, that I wasn't quite sure what to have done next. I needed some breathing space to think, and even if I had to sit with Effy for a while until she was ok, I was glad to have some time out of Emily's presence.

"I'm... Better since I sent you that text." She says, in a quiet voice. "Tell me about your lunch date."

"Eff..."

"Please, Naomi. It will help."

I sigh. "Alright. Wasn't really a date, though. What do you want to know?"

"What's she like?"

"Short... Brown eyes, and she has red hair, like vibrant, in your face red hair, and you'd think it would make her rude or snobby, but it doesn't. She has a twin sister, too. But totally different personalities, I heard her twin describing what a terrible shag the bartender was, and Emily doesn't talk like that at all."

"Emily."

"Yeah, that's her name, Katie is her sister."

"Oh, right. Freddie works with an Emily at the paper." Effy says.

"The Bristol Star?"

"Yes. She sounds like the girl you describe."

_Amazingly small world. _I feel a strange sensation wash over me. True, Emily was gorgeous, and she had this husky voice that sounded like it would be dripping with sex even if she was reading from the newspaper. The sort of voice that snakes inside you and tears at the very fibre inside you that gets you off. But it was a bit of a shock that Effy knew her. Don't get me wrong, I knew that Effy knew a lot of people, I just didn't imagine Emily as being one of them.

"You like her." She said, her tone letting me know it wasn't a question, but a statement. She looks at me with her head to the side, smirking at me slightly.

"Why is it always _my_ awkward situations which bring you out of your funks?"

Effy simply shrugs. At least she's communicative.

"But I interrupted."

"I told you, Eff, it's ok." I reply, looking down at my hands and biting my bottom lip.

"Why?"

I hated it sometimes when she did this. Sometimes Effy knew what went on, in this strange all knowing way, and then sometimes she just dragged it out of me, like she hasn't known me since we were in college and was playing twenty questions.

"It got awkward."

"Awkward how."

Jesus Christ on a bike.

"I might have...kissed her. But I'm not sure if I meant to."

Effy just looked at me with her usual look that said "Really?", and was completely disbelieving. "How was it?"

I wasn't sure how to answer that. I wasn't sure myself. It was unlike any other kiss I had shared with anyone.

I don't like to label myself. That's not to say I don't have a preference, because I do. I prefer to sleep with girls. I've never fallen in love, at least not enough to make a lasting commitment to anyone. My mum always told me that we fall in love with the person inside, and the rest of it is just biology. It just so happens that anyone I've managed to form some kind of physical relationship with has always been a woman.

I say physical relationship, because I've never felt love for anyone, other than the maternal love I have for my mum, and the platonic love I have for Effy. That kind of love I've always decided was a little bit rubbish, probably because out of all the girls I've been with, I never felt that pull. That part of you that's inside that just latches onto that part of another person, makes you inseparable and totally existent for no one but each other.

"It was... Different."

"Good? Bad?"

"Just _different_." I didn't even know how to describe it.

The time I had spent with Emily the night before was like no other time I had spent with anyone. You bump into someone at a pub, it's not much of a big deal. You apologise, you walk away, that's it. You knock someone snd spill a drink over someone, especially when it's their drink, and you risk getting yelled at, or a slap in the face. You expect to have to blag or apologise your way out of it.

Not with Emily. Something happened when our eyes met. If it wasn't so clichéd, I'd say that it was as though every other person in the pub ceased to exist, and all the noise and general hubbub of the place just died away, leaving only me and her in an ocular standoff.

But her look, that if I were her would be trying to destroy me, did so in a completely different way. They didn't set me ablaze like I thought they would, leaving only misery in their wake. No, her eyes had the effect of stripping me bare right through to my soul, and also putting me at ease all at the same time. As if we were hanging off the side of a cliff and she is lowering me on a rope, in the most vulnerable position for danger, and yet she is holding me there, making sure I am safe.

She was completely cool about it, the fact that I had just spilled her drink all down her top. It was one of those black baby doll t-shirts, and her brilliant red hair was dripping down of her shoulders, as though they were strands of blood. I'm not sure if anyone would have found the thought to be something shocking, or would make them nauseous, but it's just how it seemed to me, and it made her features stand out more. But I didn't notice the hair so much until we were sitting at the booth. The first thing I noticed was her cute button nose, and her soft lips. Her eyes were cast halfway downwards, which she couldn't really avoid, seeing as my tits were in her face.

And then she spoke. Her voice was warm and soft, and had a seductive husky rasp about it that just made me shiver the first time I heard it. It was something I never felt before when talking to anyone. It fascinated me, to the point where it just made me want to spend time in her presence, just to hear her speak. It was the only reason that I offered to buy her a drink.

I had a habit of being shy. I'm not sure if that's what has kept me from having a proper relationship with a girl. My usual sarcastic nature tends to partially take over and my shyness makes me uncomfortable. I'm an adult, I should be able to talk to a girl without completely going to pieces, no?

Anyway, it's not like I was totally mute around her. I was just extremely nervous. This was something I didn't really have any control over, which was something else that I was not used to. I was used to being in control of how I felt, and maybe that's another reason why. But with Emily, I felt completely out of control, and the only thing that was keeping me grounded was her, the very thing that was spinning me out of orbit.

A very strange feeling indeed.

"How do you feel about her?" Effy asked me.

I just looked at her. "I don't know. I hardly know her."

"But you kissed her."

She was right, but I couldn't _not_ kiss her. There was just something about her that drew me in. Something that I was not used to, and that fact terrified me a bit. It felt so strong, as though to be apart from her for any great length of time would be physically detrimental.

"I couldn't help it, Eff. I had to."

"Naoms, I think I'll be ok now." she said, signalling the end of our little chat. In a strange way, Effy had a way of telling me that it was time for me to either think about it, or act on what I might be feeling on the inside.

"_Sure?_" I asked. She just gave me a lopsided smile, telling me that yeah, she was sure. I slung my arm around her shoulders, and hugged her to me. She leaned her head against my shoulder briefly, and then I stood up, and Effy turned back to the television as I went into my room.

I sat on my bed hand shrugged off my jacket, pulling my phone out of my pocket. I stared at it, hesitating about calling Emily. I really did want to speak to her again. Oh, come on Campbell, just dial the fucking number. I put the phone to my ear, hearing the dial tone and wondering for a moment what her ringtone was.

"_Hello?_"

"H-hi. It's me." I said. "Uh, Naomi." I added, seeing as I didn't think just saying 'it's me' would suffice. I hear her laughter on the other end of the line, and even it has the ability to make me shiver.

"_Well hi, Naomi. I thought I was supposed to call you?_" I can hear the smirk in her voice. "_To what do I owe the pleasure?_"

"I just wanted to thank you for such a pleasant afternoon. I am sorry again that I had to leave so soon." I reply.

"_It's ok, you can just make up for it next time._" she says, and I can hear the amusement in her voice. "_Which, I'm hoping won't be too long..._"

"Oh? I suppose you have lots of gorgeous girls chasing after you, being an artsy poet and all."

I hear her throaty laugh in my ears, and it makes me wish she was right next to me laughing. "_In this town? Hardly._" her voice still holds amusement. "_I enjoyed spending time with you as well. And... I'd like to get to know you more._"

"Sure, you just want me to kiss you again." I smirk, feeling my sense of sarcasm raise its head.

"_Well, that has crossed my mind. It was... an excellent kiss._" her tone turns seductive.

"Y-yeah...it was." I agree, suddenly becoming lost for words. I wanted to feel her lips on mine again.

"_What are you doing tonight?_" she asks, and I can tell that it's a tentative question. "_Are you free, or do you still have that review to work on?_"

Review? Oh, the review of the poetry gig.

"The review is done, already. It's been emailed off for publishing and should be in the paper by the end of the week. "

"_So you're free, then?_"

"Possibly, what did you have in mind?" I ask her.

"_I thought that if you weren't busy, you might like to come over for a drink. I promise not to spill anything on you._" she says, and we both giggle at the last part.

"And what if I want you to spill something on me?"

**_BAD NAOMI! BAD NAOMI!_**

"Cheeky. Will you come?" She said

_If I'm lucky, _I think to myself.

"Text me the address, and I'll be there as soon as I can be."

"_Alright, will do. See you soon._" She says, as she hangs up. A few minutes later I receive a text.

"_12 Jones road. Flat 2. Knock three times. xoxo xEmilyx_"

I send back a text that says I'm leaving, and put on my jacket, leaving my room and passing the sofa that Effy is still sitting on.

"Going out?" She asks.

"Yeah. You going to be ok?"

She gives me one of her all-knowing looks. "Yeah. I'll be fine. They are at bay."

"Ok. I'm not sure when I'll be back." I say, heading to the door and picking up my keys.

"It's ok. I won't wait up." she smirks. "Enjoy your night."

I nod and exit the flat.

* * *

I'm standing at Emily's door, wondering what is waiting for me behind it. Emily, obviously, but I'm nervous about what will happen between us.

I take a deep breath and knock on her door. A short moment later it opens, and I'm greeted by the sight of Emily standing in front of me wearing a black button up shirt, and a pair of red knee length shorts.

"Hi! Come in." she says, standing aside to allow me to enter the flat. "Can I take your jacket?"

"Oh, sure." I reply, shrugging off my jacket and holding it out to her. She places it on one of the hooks by the door.

"What can I get you to drink... Beer? Wine? Vodka?"

"Um... Vodka will do." I answer.

"Take a seat and I'll be right with you." she says, indicating the entry to the sitting room. I walk in and take a seat on the sofa, taking in my surroundings. It's a small room, with books that line shelves along one wall, and a painting of brightly coloured flowers adorning one wall, above an old looking television set.

"This is a cozy flat, do you live here by yourself?" I ask, stretching out my legs and relaxing into the plushy softness of the sofa.

"Yeah, my sister used to live with me, but she moved out a few months ago." she answers. "Do you want a mixer?"

"What have you got?"

"Lemonade, or tonic water, or good old fashioned ice if you want it straight up."

"Tonic water, thanks."

I swear I can hear her giggling, but don't think anything of it, until she comes in holding two glasses. She hands one to me, and I look up at her, noticing how her fringe falls over her eyes. "Your drink, miss." She says, with a shy smile. "Very classy and distinguished, by the way." she adds, as she sits next to me, curling one of her legs under her bum.

"Why, thank you." I reply, taking the drink and clinking my glass with hers. "Cheers."

Silence falls between us as we sip from our drinks. There's an amount of tension that is forming between us, and we both wait to see who is going to break it first by saying something. Emily's eyes meet mine, and a smile breaks across her face. It's then I notice that she's blushing. Maybe neither of us know what to do, here.

"Is it awkward? It's awkward, isn't it?" I blurt out.

Emily shakes her head. "No, it's not awkward. I've just... Got a lot of thoughts in my head."

The corner of my lips curve upwards in a tentative smile. "All good, I hope." I joke.

She nods, and brushes her hair behind her ear. "All good, but some better than others." Her voice is low as she says it, and if it's possible, it has taken on a huskier tone. "You kissed me." I shiver as she says it, the sort of shiver that touches every nerve ending.

"Yes, I did."

"You beat me to it..."

"My mum always said I had a habit of jumping the gun." I say in a wry tone, before taking a long sip of my drink.

"It's all I've been able to think about... I've never been kissed quite like that before." She says, quietly.

I put my glass down on the coffee table, and take hers from her hand, placing it down as well. Taking her face in my hands, I shift closer to her and touch my lips against her own, kissing her slowly. Her palm makes contact with my jaw as she responds to the kiss, lips moving against mine. Her tongue traces along my bottom lip, seeking entry, that I grant, sliding my tongue against hers. We kiss for a few seconds longer, a muffled noise of contentment rising from Emily's throat. We are both breathless as our lips separate, and our gazes lock together, her eyes dark under half-lowered eyelids.

"Well..." Emily says, her voice cracking, "...that was definitely better than the first time..." She moves closer and her lips barely graze against mine. I close the gap between us, my hand curving around the back of her neck, as our lips crash together, and we get lost in a series of deep, slow kisses, Emily's arms wrapping around my shoulders, drawing me closer to her. I trail a series of kisses across her jaw, and softly kiss down her throat, hearing her ragged breath catch in her throat, followed by an appreciative hum.

"I wasn't imagining it, was I?" she half whispers, leaning her head against mine. She swallows thickly before she continues. "...That you want me, as much as I want you?"

"No..." My reply, as I shake my head, is as soft as hers was. The was no way she was imagining it, and there was no way I was imagining it, either: we both wanted the same thing. The need to hold her took over and I pulled her into my lap, my arms sliding around her waist. Her warm brown eyes stared into mine as I felt her breathing in my arms.

"Say something..." I whispered.

"You're beautiful." she replies, placing a soft kiss on my lips. "With your golden hair, and azure eyes..." her fingers brush through the hair at my fringe. "And I find myself wanting to get to know you a lot more."

I stare at her, and I wonder if the expression on my face gives away any of the nervousness I'm feeling right this second. She places another soft kiss on my lips, followed by one against my forehead. I must be trembling, because her hands manoeuvre to find mine and she threads her fingers through mine, squeezing gently. She holds my gaze like she holds my hands, softly, yet securely.

"Nervous?" she asks me, her voice gentle.

"A little." I concede. "Its not you that's making me nervous." I add, "It's just that I've never felt like this before."

"This?"

"Mmm. Something about you tugs at something inside me. I'm not sure what it is. Does that make sense?" I ask.

She stares at me for a moment, and I'm trying to think of her poem about eyes, but all I can think about is her eyes and how they are looking at me, with such intense curiosity.

"It makes sense..." she replies, before kissing me slowly. Her lips linger against mine, somehow drawing me in deeper than I can imagine. God, I want her to suck me in entirely, and then hold me until the sun comes up, and then some. I wasn't used to this, the feeling of wanting to be consumed entirely by one person, and then wanting even more after that.

Emily breaks the kiss and rests her forehead against mine. "There's something about you, too." Her voice is soft, her eyelids flicker open, and she tilts her head backward slightly, looking into my eyes. I'm all but aware of is her position above me, and the dryness of my throat becomes apparent, as I find myself reaching behind her for my drink. I sip it slowly, savouring the bitter taste of the tonic water, which is a stark comparison to the sweet taste of Emily's lips.

We stare at each other, her eyes are burning into mine with curiosity. It's said that a look can mean more than words can say, and right now I know that it's true. It feels like we're having this intense exchange without words, and for the first time, I am lost as to what to do next. It's like my brain has just taken a vacation at extremely short notice.

"Are you ok?" Emily asks, softly. The rain begins to fall outside again, coming down hard against the windows.

I nod my head, unable to find any words. I finish my drink and place the glass back on the table. The wind is now picking up outside, and out of the corner of my eye I notice a flash of lightning.

"Say something..." She says, mimicking what I said earlier.

"What if I don't know what to say?" I ask, my voice low as our eyes meet once more. Her fingertips brush through my fringe, and her palm comes to rest on my jaw. She leans forward and her lips graze against mine, and then she kisses me again, slowly and passionately.

"Then...don't talk." Emily whispers, as her other hand curls around my neck and she kisses me again. The touch of her lips against mine is intoxicating, and I pull her body closer to mine, running my hands up her back and gripping her shoulders.

A clap of thunder rolls over our heads, and before I know it, she's standing up and pulling me up with her. She leads me into her bedroom, turning on the light as we pass the doorway. A queen size bed sits in the middle of the room, one end against the wall, covered in a dark red duvet. Emily sits on the end of the bed, leaning back on her hands. The look on her face is one of wonder and lust.

"What are you thinking?" she asks, her voice low.

"Too much, probably." I reply, half whispering. I'm slowly stepping towards her, after kicking off my sneakers. A flash of concern crosses her expression, and she takes my hand as I stand close to her. The electricity that passes between us is making the air between us fill with more tension. I find myself kneeling at her feet, looking into her eyes. Her hands frame my face, as I lean closer to her.

"Then...don't think." Emily whispers, pulling me to her and kissing me deeply. "Just...feel."

My hands are roaming over her shirt, and her tongue slips between my lips as she kisses me. My fingers reach her buttons and start undoing them, one by one, starting at the second one, the collar having already been unbuttoned. My eyes meet hers, covered by her fringe, as I open her shirt, exposing her to my view. I lower my eyes, the milky white of the skin on her chest a stark contrast to the blackness of the fabric.

Her skin is so soft and warm under my touch, my fingers moving under her shirt across her shoulders, slowly sliding the fabric off and down her back. I lean forwards and place soft kisses down her throat, sliding my palms up her shoulder blades as I do so. Her breath hitches in her throat, and I slide her shirt off her arms and drop it to the floor behind me. Her hands move up my arms, the sensation of her touch against my skin is something I don't think I have felt before, no matter who I've been with. Like it was the one thing I had missed my whole life, and the emotion it stirred inside me was almost terrifying.

Before my mind can catch up with my body, I find myself straddling her hips, firmly pinning her wrists above her head. The look on her face surprises me, I half expect to see fear in her eyes, but instead I see trust. Her eyes are burning, the dark chocolate pools showing me just how much she wants this. I lean down and place a soft kiss against her lips, and it is probably the most innocent kiss we are going to share in this encounter.

My arms lay flat against hers as my hands continue to hold her wrists securely above her head. We stare at each other briefly. Suddenly, it all feels wrong, like it's too fast. She deserves more.

"Do you feel how intense this is?" I whisper softly, my own blue eyes never leaving hers. I gently stroke my knuckles down her cheek, and lean close to her, my forehead touching hers. I close my eyes, and take a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

"Naomi..." Emily whispers softly.

"This... I..." I stutter.

"Too much?"

"Yes...no... I don't know." I mumble. I release Emily's hands and slide off to the side of her, as a particularly loud burst of thunder sounds over our heads. Her eyes follow me, and she reaches over to run her fingers through my hair.

"Talk to me." She says, softly, her voice calm and reassuring.

"It's not that I don't want to... It's just... I don't want to rush it. You deserve something better than a rushed sha-"

Emily leans close and kisses me, quieting my rambling. Her lips are soft against mine, in the simplest of kisses. "It's ok, I understand." She says, once her lips leave mine. Now it's her fingertips that are softly stroking my cheek, calming me further. "You really want to?"

I nod. "Yes. But I feel like I want to know about you, as much as I want to know every inch of you." I whisper, kissing her forehead.

She closes her eyes and nods, slowly. "I know what you mean. There's something about you, Naomi." she says, as she rolls over towards me. Lightning flashes outside, followed by another loud thunderclap, and the room is suddenly dark, the light above us extinguished as the power cuts out. Emily shudders slightly, and cuddles closer to me.

"Are you scared?" I ask her softly.

"No." She whispers back to me. "It just startled me." I feel her warm breath on my neck as she breathes against my skin. "I love storms." Her voice is low and soft, and the husky tone to it is definitely the sexiest thing I've ever heard. "It's energy that collides against itself, such...raw power. Don't you think?"

"Mmhmm..." I mumble in reply, closing my arms around her, drawing her closer.

"Stay with me until it's over?"

"I thought you said you weren't scared..." I smirk, even though it's dark and she can't see me.

I hear her laugh softly, even though the rain has intensified and is making a huge racket outside. "I'm not, but I don't want you to have to walk home in that outside." Emily explains, "You might catch cold...and then I would feel guilty, so…" she trails off, softly kissing along my jawline. "I think you should stay. I want you to stay."

"...Ok." I reply, after hesitating.

We lie together silently in the darkness for a little while, my fingertips gently brushing over her skin. We share soft kisses, I for one not wanting it to go further at this point. The temperature must have dropped, because soon enough the redhead is shivering in my arms.

"Emily… you're cold." I whisper, concern lacing my voice. "You should put your shirt back on."

"Nuh uh." is her reply. "I think you should get under the duvet with me..."

"Emily, I don't think-" I'm cut off as she kisses my lips softly.

"Naomi." another soft kiss touches my lips, "We won't do anything you don't want to do. I just...have to feel you near me. I want to feel you against me properly, even if we don't have sex."

Her request puzzles me. "Properly?" I ask. "You mean..."

She pauses briefly. "It's ok...it's too weird...forget I said it..."

I lean close and kiss her softly. "It's not weird at all. I want to feel you against me too. Honestly, it doesn't feel like I'm close enough to you like this." I say.

We are both silent as I sit up and Emily's fingers slip under the hem of my t-shirt, slowly pulling it upwards and off my arms. She wriggles gently from my embrace and stands up. "C'mon."

I stand up and take my socks off, and unzip my jeans, letting them fall down my legs. Lightning flashes outside the window as I'm unclipping my bra, and I catch a glimpse of a bare-breasted Emily as she slips her shorts down her thighs, and pulls back the duvet. She gets in and I find myself climbing under it with her. We face each other and she nestles into my arms, which automatically wrap around her warm body.

"God, you feel so good." she breathes. Her lips brush against my neck and I shiver at the contact. Emily peppers light kisses along my jaw, settling next to my ear, and she inhales deeply. I feel her warm breath as she breathes out onto my skin, and it sends another shiver through me.

I exhale slowly, unable to deny how good she feels against me. She relaxes so easily into my body that it's like she was always meant to be there. It feels like she is a part of me.

"Are you ok?" Emily whispers against my skin. She presses a soft kiss against my shoulder.

"Absolutely." I whisper back. The rain continues to beat down on the window, its fast pitter-patter creating a steady rhythm on the roof. We lie there for a period of time without saying a word, and I am just feeling her breathe against me. It is like I am drunk on her, she has me paralysed so I cannot move. As time goes on, I feel her fingertips trace lightly up and down my spine.

Her touch is doing two things. It is both calming and exciting me at the same time. Her head is nestled into my shoulder and her lips are resting against my neck. She places soft kisses against my neck, the short, soft puffs of air that leave her nose tickling my skin ever so gently. Her closeness and her affection towards me is something that I find myself unable to resist.

I slowly wrap my arms tighter around her, and then it happens. She moans softly in between her kisses. The softness of the sound manages to burn its way through me like fire, and I feel an energy throbbing low in my stomach, and an ache beginning between my legs. If she thought I felt good, she felt an infinite number of times better, now that I had her in my arms and she was obviously enjoying our proximity as much as I was.

I slowly slid my hand down her arm, and kissed along her jawline, to her lips, that met mine in a hungry kiss, which told me more than anything what she wanted. She wanted to fuck me, and her kissing me was all about telling me what she wanted to do with her tongue between my legs. And Jesus Christ, if I hadn't already been naked in her bed, I might have braved the weather on the way home, instead of being in this position.

But the fact is, I was naked in her bed, and she was so warm in my arms, and Jesus fuck, I fancied the hell out of her, didn't I? So, I let her know. I kissed her back just as passionately, my hand feeling its way down her skin to palm her breast and pinch her nipple between my thumb and forefinger.

"You're playing with fire, babe." Emily groaned, as I began again to kiss a trail down her neck. Her voice was low and husky, and it sent a warm chill through my body. I knew she was right, I was getting dangerously close to letting things take their natural course. My breathing had become shallow, and I felt Emily shift slightly in my arms, my thumb rubbing gently back and forth over her nipple.

"Maybe I want to play with fire after all..." I replied, the nervousness evident in my voice.

Emily links her fingers behind my neck and kisses me slowly. It's gentle, but still has that lustful intent behind it. I'm fairly sure that if given enough time, I could kiss Emily for pretty much all of it. Her lips are so warm and soft, and while it does make me wonder how they would feel over other parts of my skin, it doesn't matter so much, because she is kissing me, and it's something that I can't tear my attention away from when she is doing it. She just sucks me in, literally, and I'm left just swimming in a sea that is everything Emily.

Brown eyes, red hair, oh-so-husky voice.

Whatever god is up there, have mercy on me... I think I love her already. Either that or I've just become obsessed with her, but not in a creepy stalker kind of way, in an I-came-over-for-a-drink-and-now-I'm-naked-in-her-b ed sort of way. Sort of? No sort of about it, really, is there?

_Shut up, Naomi._

She kisses down my neck, and the feel of her lips against my skin is making me tremble. It feels good. No, that's not a fair assessment, it feels a thousand times more than good. It's making me lose my head until all I can think of is her. I only met her yesterday, now she is pressed up against me, naked. Touching me, kissing me, her tongue flicks out to touch my skin... Oh god, now she is licking me as well...

A groan leaves her lips as she tastes my skin, her lips brushing against my pulse point as my arms constrict around her body. In that moment, I want her closer to me. I try to catch her eyes in the darkness, the intermittently flashing lightning making it only slightly easier to find them. I try and focus so hard, to see the desire in her eyes, to see if it matches mine. As dark as it is, though, I cannot see enough to spot it in the warmth of her brown eyes.

But her grip on my lower back tells me what her eyes can't in the darkness. The way she clung to me told me so much more than any look from her eyes could.

"I want to kiss you..." She whispered into my ear, "...everywhere." Her hand moved down over my hip and gently, but persistently gripped at my flesh. Her lips were on mine once more, her kiss slow and smouldering, wordlessly inviting me deeper into the trance she was putting us both under. Eagerly I kissed her back, wanting to be further inside this vortex that we found ourselves in.

My hand moved to hers, which still rested on my hip, and I squeezed it gently, moving it between my thighs. By this time, I had kissed to her earlobe and was gently nibbling on it. "Please..." I whispered, pressing her palm flat against the hot heat that burned between my legs.

She wasted no time in slipping her middle finger between my lips and rubbing against my clit, and a loud burst of thunder rumbled overhead, drowning out the moan that broke out of my throat. But I knew Emily had felt it, because her lips were on my neck, and she instinctively sucked hard on my neck, causing my hips to move towards her. "Oh god, Emily..." I moaned, the rain coming down harder outside, the percussive noise of it becoming louder on the roof above us.

Emily's lips were moving downwards, kissing down in between my breasts. She rolled me onto my back and sat straddling my hips. I slid my palms up her thighs as she leaned down and took my nipple between her teeth and gently bit down, soothing it immediately by sucking it into her mouth and flicking her tongue across it. Her hand moves back between my legs and her fingers stroke up and down my folds, making contact with my clit. My moan is stifled by her lips that cover mine as her kiss consumes me.

Her tongue traces down my throat and I squirm under her as she licks a trail down my chest, descending her way down my stomach, until she settles in between my thighs. She places soft kisses leading down from my belly button and I inhale sharply as her fingers gently part my folds. I whimper slightly, feeling her warm breath as she blows over my clit. Before I have time to process that, though, I feel the warm slipperiness of her tongue as she drags the length of it slowly up my clit.

"Oh, fuck!" I groan, shifting my hips towards her. My hand moves to the back of her head, and I find myself unable to put together coherent words as she slowly and methodically attacks my centre with her warm wet tongue. She nibbles and sucks at my lips, using long swipes of her tongue against my sensitive flesh, the soft roughness of her driving me crazy as she flicks it back and forth against my swollen nub of nerves.

I have a sudden desire to taste her the same way, and it arouses me to a feverish state, but before I can think about it further, a deep groan escapes me and my fingers thread through her red hair tighter, as Emily pushes two of her fingers inside me. Another unintelligible series of moans comes from me as my muscles clench down on her fingers.

I don't think I've had anyone fuck me like this before. The way she is handling me is both with desire and lust as well as care. Don't get me wrong, I've had some excellent shags in my time, but this is something I've not felt before.

Before I can think further on it, Emily is flexing her fingers inside me as she sucks my clit into her mouth. "Jesus...fuck...Emily! You're gonna make me...Ohmygod!" I cry out, as what feels like the mother of all orgasms grips me and shakes me roughly between its teeth. My fingers dig into her shoulders and my head is thrown back against the pillow as a hot and cold pleasurable sensation rips its way through me.

As my senses come back to me, I feel Emily snuggle against me. She turns my head towards her, and kisses me, allowing me to taste myself on her lips. No one I'd slept with had done it before, and I can't deny that I enjoyed it. She let me kiss myself off her lips, her fingers running up and down my back.

She drew me close to her, and let me rest my head on her shoulder. I felt my eyes becoming heavy. I shifted against her, and she simply wrapped her arms around me a little tighter. "Shhh... Just rest, ok?" She whispered. I nodded my head against her skin and closed my eyes, drifting off.

* * *

**A/N#2: Cigarettes and lighters available on the table over there. *points***

**Reviews? Yay? Nay?**

**I'm off to slaughter some aliens...damn skags in borderlands are fucking annoying on playthrough two... *sigh***

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


	3. Shivers

**A/N: I'm not sure how complete this chapter will feel, because when I read back through it, I realised it was two incomplete parts. So I've tried to stitch them up as best as I could.**

**Emily's character gets a bit...hesitant, I guess? *shrug***

**No cigarettes required for this chapter. (I can hear some of you sighing with relief already... :-P)**

**On with it, then...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. My brain feels like mush... Any and all typos are a complete lie, I swear.**

* * *

**(Emily POV)**

It was the chirping of the birds that woke me up the next morning, along with the feel of Naomi's arms moving around my body as she stirred next to me. I looked over to my clock radio, but found it blinking back at me a random series of red numbers. That's when I remembered the storm the previous night, the blackout, and why Naomi was still in my bed.

I wish I could put into words the emotion I felt last night as she lost herself around my fingers. I don't know if it meant much of anything to her, but it meant a lot to me. I found myself staring at her as she slept, observing the changes in her sleeping expression. The way her brow would furrow, how her lips would move, in such a subtle way as to be unnoticeable to anyone who wasn't lookin closely enough. It was really quite adorable.

Her breathing disturbed a lock of hair that hung in front of her eyes, and, unable to stop myself, I reached out from under the duvet, and tucked the strand behind her ear. My finger grazes against the shell of her ear, and her eyes flicker open. She looks at me sleepily, and her hand comes up from under the duvet to rub her eyes. She blinks slowly and then her hand reaches across to me and rests on my cheek.

"Anyone ever tell you how beautiful you are?" She asks, her voice groggy.

It's so out of the ordinary that it makes me smile. A wide, lazy smile, because her questioning compliment has reached into my heart.

"Not as simply as that." I reply, taking her hand in mine and kissing it palm. "Good morning."

"Morning." Naomi says. Her eyes are so beautiful, a striking blue colour that just grabs you and doesn't let you go. Right now I know that they are not letting me go, and everything is drawing me into her gaze at this moment. "It's...morning." She says.

"Yes." I giggle, as I nod my head.

She looks around for a moment, and then the recognition registers in her eyes. "There was a storm." She closes her eyes, and then almost immediately they open again, her expression one of shock as she moves against me. "I'm naked." She stutters, looking underneath the duvet.

I giggle again. "Are you always this cute when you wake up?" I ask her, laying my head on the pillow.

"Mmm. Only when I sleep deeply." Naomi replies, opening her eyes to look into mine. "Which usually only happens after sex." A lazy, but shy smile crosses her lips.

I can't help myself. I lean forward and kiss her slowly. I can't help but notice the sensation of butterflies running through me, and it makes me wonder if she's feeling the same thing. I guess she must be, because I can feel a sense of urgency in the movement of her lips against mine.

"So... I wasn't dreaming it." She says, as her forehead hits mine. She licks her lips gently, sending a shiver through me.

"No." I whisper. "Definitely not."

We lie together for a short moment or two, not saying anything. Naomi's fingertips trace over my shoulder. "Would you like some coffee?" I ask her. She nods, and I slide out from under the duvet, grabbing a t-shirt and a pair of knickers to slip into. I turn back to look at Naomi. "Um... How do you take your coffee?"

"White with one." She replies, looking at me with a lazy expression.

"Ok. Won't be long." I tell her, as I make my way to the kitchen. The first thing I do is walk to the fridge and check the milk, it still smells ok. I'm not sure how long the power was out for, and it would probably be inhospitable to give my house guest food poisoning. I'm looking through the cupboard for a couple of coffee mugs, when I hear one of the stools at the breakfast bar scraping across the tiles.

I finish making the coffee, and making a mental note of which one was Naomi's, turned around and placed her cup in front of her. "Your coffee." I mumbled, with a smile. I was almost lost for words, because Naomi was sitting there in her t-shirt, her wavy blonde hair spilling over her shoulders.

She picks up the cup and takes a tentative sip. "Hmm. Better than my mum's idea of a cuppa." She says, with a smile and a nod. "Might have to keep you around, Em." Her tone is joking in nature, but I can tell there's a seriousness behind what she says. Plus that... Familiarity in her choice of words. Not that after last night we weren't… somewhat familiar, I mean, she DID come all over my face, after all.

I can tell you, she tasted beautiful. There's just no other word that can describe it, really. I could tell her apprehension as I kissed her afterward, but once she did, she just wouldn't stop. I think it came to the both of us naturally, last night. At least, it did for me. I just felt it, deep inside, the need within me for her to taste what I had tasted... For her to understand that it was something that I'd never felt before. That what happened between us felt one hundred percent right, and one hundred percent wrong to try and ignore.

Some words were running through my head, and I zoned out for a minute, making a mental note of them. My mind was good like that. If I started to write something in my head, I was lucky enough to remember it later. Came in handy if I didn't have pen and paper at hand. Naomi looked at me strangely. "Are you ok?"

I blushed, and nodded, my fringe falling into my eyes as I gave her a shy smile. "Yeah. Just... I compose on the go sometimes, if I don't have paper about. I thought of a good line or two."

"Oh right, like... It's spontaneous. You don't just... Sit down and make time to write stuff, it just sort of comes to you, yeah?" Naomi replies, before taking a sip of her coffee, "You seem a bit like the spontaneous type." It's so gentle, the way she says it.

I nod. "I can be. Inviting you over last night was a bit..."

"Spur-of-the-moment?"

"I think spontaneous is a better choice of word." I smile, drinking my coffee.

"One less syllable." Naomi grins.

I do a mental check, and the corner of my mouth turns upwards in a smirk. "You're so right." I reply. I reach across the table and lay my hand over her wrist, my thumb gently ghosting over her skin before I can realise what I'm doing. I go to pull my hand back, but she lays her hand on top of mine, holding it against her. There's tension in the gesture, and my eyes come up to meet hers.

She looks at me, and I see something so utterly vulnerable in her eyes, the blue of her irises darkening to a stormy shade. I allow her to hold my hand where it rests on her wrist, because she is smiling at me. And her smile is she, almost innocent. Like she wants to tell me something, but doesn't have the words.

"Do you have anything on today?" She asks me, before adding "...you know, to do, I mean."

I chuckle softly. "I knew what you meant. And no, my day is free. Weekend, and all. You are welcome to stick around for a bit, if you are free, that is."

"I am, and...thanks, I will." She smiles at me again, and I can't help but return it.

The phone rings, but I make no effort to get up and answer it, I'm enjoying the feel of her skin on mine far too much to want to move my hand.

"Hi, you've reached Emily's flat. Emily isn't here right now, so leave a message."

Naomi smirked as she heard the flirtatious tone of my answering machine message.

"Wake up, lezzer! Jesus, you are always sleeping in late on Saturdays. Anyway, I wanted to let you know I've set up dinner tonight with Danny and his mate Marco. Not taking no for an answer, yeah? Anyway…"

I reach for the phone and pick up the receiver. "Hi, Katie. Yeah, I'm here. I can't make it tonight, I'm busy."

"What? I told you about this last week, Emsy." Katie replies, a whiny tone to her voice.

"Yeah, something came up." I lie.

"Something, or someone?"

If I tell her someone, I won't hear the end of it. Likewise if I tell her something. Besides, I don't even know how long Naomi is going to stay today.

"Look, just mind it, yeah?" I tell Katie. "I just can't do dinner tonight with whatever wanker Lothario you have decided to try and set me up with. Try something with tits next time!"

"But Em-" I hang up before I can hear her response. "Bloody Katie." I scowl.

"Wanker Lothario? Nice turn of phrase." Naomi smirks at me. "Can't say I've heard that before."

I laugh. "I really wish she would stop trying to set me up with her boyfriends' mates."

"She doesn't know you are gay?" Naomi asks.

"She chooses the path of denial."

"Ah." She replies. "I'm sorry. That must be hard."

I shrug. "Sometimes. Most times I can just tell her to fuck off. But once she gets started on how I'm not getting any younger, blah blah blah... Honestly, she could find me midway through shagging a girl, with my head between her legs and she would still deny it."

Naomi tries not to choke on her coffee. "Well put. I'm glad she didn't interrupt last night, that would have been... Awkward." She smirks.

I find myself blushing. Again. I can't think of a verbal answer to what she has to say, so I just lean towards her and kiss her softly. Her arms slide around my waist and she draws me close, her tongue slipping its way between my lips. I part them and let her in, savouring the soft movement of her tongue against mine.

"I want to take you back to bed." She says quietly, as she kisses softly down my neck. She walks towards my room and links her fingers with mine, pulling me in the same direction, leaving our half drunk coffees behind. She stops at the foot of my bed, pulling me back into her arms, kissing me slowly. Her fingertips slide up under my t-shirt, and graze the skin of my back, causing me to arch into her. She lifts up the fabric of my shirt and lifts my arms up with it, pulling the shirt from me and leaving me standing only in my knickers.

She looks down at me, being that she is at least a good six inches taller than I am. Her palms frame either side of my face, and she leans down to kiss my lips gently. "You really are beautiful." She says, quietly. She kisses my forehead, and it's such a simple gesture that it almost brings tears to my eyes. I look up at her again, and stare deeply into her eyes.

"Right now I feel it." I replied.

The pad of her thumb brushes over my lips and makes them tingle. How does she know just where and how to touch me? I haven't the chance to wonder, because the next thing I know, I am pushing her until she sits in the end of my bed, scrambling to sit in her lap, my lips attacking hers. It's so perfect, the kiss that happens between us, that I reluctantly break my lips from hers. "Oh my god..." I blurt out.

"W-what." Naomi says, breathlessly.

"I can't help myself around you..." I said, leaning my head against hers. "You make me feel crazy and I don't know if it's good or bad..."

She fixed her eyes onto mine, and stroked her fingers through my hair. "I feel a little crazy... But it doesn't feel bad. At least, I don't think it does..." She said, softly.

"It feels good, but I don't know if it's too much too soon... I mean, I really like you, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to you..." I babbled, not really sure of what I was going on about. "...I just don't know why it feels so..."

"...right." She said, finishing my sentence. Her blue eyes look at me with such wonder, that it frightens me slightly. Because it's how I imagine her looking at me, and if she looks as vulnerable as I think...

I lay my head down on her chest and close my eyes, sighing deeply. "It scares me because I don't think I'm capable of whatever this is." I said. "Don't get me wrong, it feels good, but it's like its...too good. Too good to be true." I sighed. "I don't know, maybe I'm over thinking it."

"Have you been hurt before?" She asks, softly.

I breathe softly against her skin as her fingers continued to stroke through my hair. "Haven't we all?" I say, quietly.

"I guess... In some way." She replies.

I scoot upwards and bury my head into the space where her shoulder meets her neck. She says nothing, but wraps her arms tighter around me. Her fingers gently run up and down my arm, and it just feels so soothing. The silence remains between us until she speaks again.

"If the world were an ideal place, heartache wouldn't exist."

The rain began to fall outside once more, splashing against the window panes. I sighed deeply against Naomi's neck, and shivered.

"Are you cold?" She asked, my lips curving into a lazy grin against her throat.

"No." I whispered. "It's just...the rain...it does things to me." I added, cuddling closer to her. By now I had slid off her and was nestled into her side, and she didn't seem to mind as I felt her pull me closer to her. Her body turned onto her side so she was facing me and she stared into my eyes. She has the most beautiful clear blue eyes I have ever seen in my whole life. And I've dated a few girls who have stunning eyes, but these didn't just stun you, they struck you out completely, as well as burning them into your mind so you never forget them.

She leans in and kisses me, and it's perfect. Almost too perfect. But I'm drawn into her kiss, nonetheless. Her hands frame my face and the pressure of her touch against my skin is so gentle, it makes me shiver again.

"Wha- you are cold!" Naomi says, pulling the duvet over both of us.

I can't help it as my body squirms against hers, and I shiver again as her arms tighten around me. "It's not because I'm cold." I whisper against her neck.

"Then-"

"You just feel good, ok?" I said, simply, as I settle against her.

"Oh...ok..." She murmurs.

"You don't seem to mind..."

"No?" She asked.

I kissed her throat softly. "You keep pulling me closer." I whispered.

"Yeah well..." Naomi said, softly. "It just... Feels right, I guess."

I sighed, deeply, feeling more content than I should have for this situation. I closed my eyes, and let Naomi hold me as I breathed slowly, too many thoughts in my head.

* * *

**_(One Week Later)_**

So, I find myself here again, at the corner of yet another stage, in front of yet another crowd who won't truly appreciate what I've written. If I was more of a defeatist, I'd stop entering these competitions. But, as I'm an optimist, if at first you don't succeed... Etcetera.

The crowd sounds like the usual nightly bunch... Bored students who are half pissed already. Katie and Cook aren't here tonight, though, which is a difference for me. Cook was off shagging some girl (what's new?) and Katie was out on a date with Danny.

I was waiting at the side of the stage for the previous performer to finish, spouting of some bloody dreary poem about tea leaves and pancakes. My phone buzzed in my pocket.

"_Good luck, Ems. I'm sure you will do well. xNaomix_"

I smiled and texted back.

"_Thanks, hun. xoxo :) xEmilyx_"

"Alright, folks, thanks again for being here at the Gilded Stag for round five of the Bristol Poetry Contest. Our next poet has performed many times before on the Bristol circuit, and her words are always deep and meaningful. Please welcome to the stage Miss Emily Fitch!"

Ah, spotlights. The funny thing about spotlights, is that most of us can't see the crowd when it hits us. Sometimes that's a good thing, and sometimes, it's bad. Thankfully,this isn't so bad. At least I've been to this venue once or twice before.

I step up to the mic and...

"Good evening, everyone. Nice of you all to be here this evening." I state, to a mild smattering of applause.

"Well, I'll just get on with it then..." I laugh. "This is untitled:

"_What led us here?  
Was it the chemistry?  
That unspoken thing that circles around us  
Binding us together.  
The touch of her skin  
Grazing against me...  
What is this euphoric thing I have next to me?  
I feel so electric.  
I never knew what this was  
This feeling of being turned on  
I'm like a live wire.  
The strongest of sparks  
Running through my fingertips  
It shocks, it burns.  
Oh, and how it burns.  
Slowly...  
Achingly...  
When it grows and swells  
And then explodes into infinity.  
Someplace else entirely  
Where identity ceases to exist  
And I find myself just… being.  
I want her to take me there.  
To that place of pleasure  
Where identity is null and void  
I want her to make me forget my name._"

All of the crowd had their eyes on me. There was a large pause before the first person started to clap, which led to more than the usual smattering of applause I would receive from these gigs. I guess the piece was a hit, then?

I nodded my head towards the crowd, in thanks, and then walked off the stage. I got down the stairs, and was met by a pair of arms circling their way around me. "Hey, what the-"

"Hey... Calm down, it's me." A familiar voice laughed. I focused my visions and saw the most beautiful blonde girl I had ever seen standing in front of me. And it didn't matter that she wasn't a natural blonde, she was still beautiful to me. I fact, it actually made her more alluring to me, in some way.

"Hey..." I said, clearly caught completely off guard by her appearance. "I... Didn't know you were going to be here..."

"Neither did I, really." Naomi smiled. "I was out with friends and ended up here..." She said, as she held me close to her. She always held me with a mix of both apprehension and not wanting to let me go. Like I was the precious thing that she was unable to let go of, or take her eyes off.

I found myself blushing as I asked the next question. "How did you like the piece?"

Naomi looked at me, and a smile crept across her lips. "I loved it. The way you write...it's so...raw. It's so personal. It's really quite beautiful."

"You don't think that it's too..."

"Not at all." She replied, cutting me off. She places a kiss against my forehead. "Really, it was beautiful. Poetry is all about baring the soul, yeah?"

"Well... Yeah." I say.

I felt her arms wrap tighter around me, as she kissed next to my ear. "I can't think of anything more soul baring than what that was about." She whispers, breathily into my ear. I can't help but feel the shiver that runs through me. My hand grips at her waist, and I let out the breath that caught in my throat.

"Jesus." I whisper. I don't miss the chuckle that bubbles up in her throat.

Naomi places a kiss on my forehead. "Can I buy you a drink?" She says as she pulls back and smiles at me.

"Sure." I smile back. I am very aware of her fingers that trail down my arm and link with my own fingers. I don't know whether it's instinct that makes my own hand close around hers. There's something about the way her skin tingles against mine. It is such an intense thing that it draws me in, attracting me to her, much like magnetism. Sometimes I catch her looking at me, and it's like she is admiring something completely rare and unseen.

Her eyes light up when she looks at me. It's not like they aren't bright to begin with, being blue, but they take on a completely different dimension when they are looking at me. It is as though it is a look that is reserved for me. I've never had anyone look at me like that before.

She led me to the bar, and got us both a vodka and lemonade each, and we went to take a seat at a table in the corner.

I don't really know what we are, as such. We only slept together that one night... Oh, and alright, once the morning after, in the end, if you really must know. We've kept in contact since then via text and a couple of calls. And there have been a LOT of text messages, let me tell you. She can get quite flirty when she wants to. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I'm sure I got just as flirty as she did at some stages... I'm human, after all.

"So... How have you been?" I ask her.

"Today's been busy. But being Friday, I got dragged out with the newspaper staff for beers and mayhem, apparently." She smiled, fiddling with the straw in her drink, stirring the ice around. "I did remember that you were performing tonight, but after the busyness of the day, I was just going to go home and relax on the couch."

"So, I have your paper buddies to thank for you coming to support me?" I smirk.

Naomi frowned slightly. "Sorry, babe."

"Hey...it's ok. I can understand if you were tired after a busy day." I reach across and cover her hand with mine. Her thumb comes up and grazes the tops of my fingers, and it's a touch that soothes as well as saying "I know. I know that you understand, and so do I."

"I did still text you to wish you good luck." She says, her expression turning hopeful.

I smile. "Yeah, you did." I drink some of my vodka, as I look over at her. She's so breathtaking in this light, it's soft enough to highlight the right features of her face. The warm tone of the lights around us made her hair glow.

"Do you... Have to stay for any reason?" She asks me.

"I was next to last, so they should be announcing the winners shortly. Then I'm all yours if you have nowhere else to be."

She nods slowly. Her fringe falls over her eyes. "I'd like that."

We sit together in partial silence, drinking quietly and taking each other in.

We almost don't notice when they begin to announce the winners.

"And in second place we have... Emily Fitch!"

"Oh wow, Em. That's you!" Naomi says, smiling brightly.

"Shit." I mutter, feeling surprised. I stand up and make my way to the stage. I'd get handed an envelope and am directed to the mic.

"Uh... Thanks." I say. "I really appreciate your support for my writing." I smile and leave the stage. It sounds a bit stiff, and feels that way, too. It's actually the first time I've come anywhere near placing in one of these things, and it has me well shocked.

I step down off the stage, to find Naomi waiting for me.

"I'm so proud of you." She says, as she wraps her arms around me. Her eyes are just about bursting with the most beautiful colour blue that I may have ever seen.

"Thank you." I reply.

"Come on." She says, her fingers tangling with mine. "I'm taking you somewhere."

"Ok..." I mutter, as she pulls me through the crowd, and then out into the street. The coolish air hits me as we exit the pub.

We walk through the streets, until we end up on Brandon Hill. We take a seat on the grass and look over the skyline of the city.

"Looks much better by night." I laugh.

"Yeah, it does. It's one of my favourite things to see at night." Naomi replies.

"I've never really seen it at night."

Naomi stands behind me, and I feel her hands rest upon my shoulders, and she kisses the back of my head. I look over my shoulder at her, as she slides her arms down over my shoulders and pulls my body backwards into hers. She manages to meet my lips with hers and we share a soft kiss.

"I really am proud of you, you know." She says.

"Thank you." I reply, turning in her arms. My own arms instinctively wrap around her and my head nestles into her chest. "It really means a lot to me for you to say that."

"I think my uni mates knew it was about you and me." She said.

Fuck. I blushed. "How did you know?" I asked.

"Bit hard not to notice...when I'm me and you're you." She replied.

"Oh." I said, softly.

"It was very...descriptive." Naomi said, threading her fingers through mine and starting to walk towards the nearest bench.

"You don't mind?" I asked, nervously, as we sat down. Her eyes met mine, the light of the streetlight making her eyes glow slightly.

She blinked slowly, and she shook her head. "I don't think most of that crowd would have known what you were writing about."

"True. I'm surprised I placed where I did." I said.

"I thought you said the judges were all local writers... So it wasn't turned into week after week of poems such as 'Yay I love lager, lager is cool. Yeah.' winning first prize." She replied.

"Yeah, but I'm just... I don't know... Surprised I did so well. It's the first time."

"I never asked... How long have you been writing?"

"Since I was about fifteen. Had to deal with the pressure of growing up as a twin, somehow." I smiled.

"I can't imagine how that must've been." Naomi said. "I missed out on having brothers or sisters, so..."

"That must have been nice." I said. "Quiet."

"Mmm. Try lonely." Naomi mumbled. "Not in the sense of having no one around, there were always people in my mum's house, but... Apart from my mum I never had any family around."

I laughed. "I'd swap growing up with a loud twin and a younger brother who thinks perving is an Olympic sport for a quiet childhood, any day."

Naomi giggled. "You're funny."

I shrugged. "I try." I said, deadpan.

We watched the view for a few more long moments, until Naomi kissed the back of my hand. "May I walk you home?"

I nodded, and we stood up, and, my hand in hers, we slowly walked back to my flat.

* * *

**A/N#2: What comes next, I don't know. I get the feeling this may take an angsty turn, somehow. Just a feeling I have.**

**But, anything is possible. Must write plan. Must.**

**Reviews?**

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


	4. Black Powder And Flames

**A/N: I literally don't know where half of this chapter came from, and the other half I'm not sure of either, let's just say it wrote itself, ok? So if it sucks, blame the clouds, yeah?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. No one seems to care about that, so whatever. Any and all typos should be shot on sight. NO ONE FUCKING INVITED THEM TO THIS PARTY.**

* * *

**(Naomi POV)**

We arrived at Emily's door about half an hour later, her small hand still gripping onto mine tightly. I was amazed how easily mine and hers fit together, like it's the perfect join between two pieces of wood. I don't know if it's because we haven't seen each other all week, or because we've shared something intimate, but I can't help but feel that she has a missing part of me and suddenly it all makes perfect sense when she's standing next to me with her hand in mine.

It's only when we get to the door then I realise that neither of us have said anything the whole half hour we have been walking. I think it's the longest amount of time we have spent together not talking that didn't involve having sex.

"What are you thinking?" She asked.

"You're quiet." I replied.

"Does that bother you?"

I look at her, and her expression is both curious and timid. I reach my palm up and gently graze it down her cheek, to feel her shiver again. I feel my brow furrow. "Why do you do that?"

She looked back at me and simply shrugged.

"But it's not because you're cold, right?" I asked.

She gave me a knowing smile, and nodded. "D'you want to come in?" She asked, opening the door.

"That depends... Will I get to see you shiver again?" I asked, with a light shrug of my shoulders and a cheeky smirk.

"You might."she said, with a noncommittal shrug of her own, as she held the door open for me. I returned her shrug, thought 'why not', and ducked low under her arm to enter her flat. I tried to get away with it without looking dorky, but she is rather short, so it might not have come off as smooth as I wanted it, too. But do I care? Not really. I like this girl.

I heard the door close behind me, as I pulled off my scarf, and hung it on the last of the hooks that were on the wall. I shrugged off my field jacket and hung it on the same hook.

"Can I get you a drink? Vodka?" Emily asked.

"Uh...sure." I replied, making my way into the sitting room and sitting on the sofa. The silence is awkward, and I'm not sure what I should say to break it. Even though I had a few moments to think as she gets me a drink, nothing comes to mind.

I haven't realised I've spaced out until I feel a cool glass being pressed into my hands. I looked up and saw Emily looking down at me, curiously. She sat down next to me and sipped from her own glass, filled with ice and what is probably vodka. I watched as her soft lips touched the rim of the glass, remembering the feel of her lips on my own skin. I took a sip and placed my glass back on the coffee table. Her hand met mine as it came back to rest upon my knee, and she laced her fingers through mine. "I've missed this, haven't you? Just...being with you..." She said, softly.

"Yeah..." I whisper.

And I thought it was just me.

But now, it is she who is being shy, reserved. "Emily, are you alright?" I ask.

Instead of an answer, she leans her body against mine, and I pull her to me. She sighs the most content sigh I've heard a person make. "You make me feel...safe." She breathed against my neck.

"Safe...?"

"Mmhmm." Emily replies. "Like I don't have to worry about anything."

"And do you, normally?" I ask.

"What?"

"Worry about things."

"Oh...some things, yes." She said, softly. Her fingers are curling into the ends of my hair, which would normally bother me but it is rather pleasant, so I let it slide.

"Are they important?" I ask. "The things you worry about."

Emily shrugged. "Not if you ask my sister." She said. "But then, her priorities are different to mine."

"Right." I reply, gently kissing the top of her head. "I'm assuming hers involve finding a hot man to marry... Preferably a doctor to make daddy dearest happy."

Emily giggled. "Mmm. But replace 'daddy dearest' with 'mummy dearest', and you've got it right."

"Oh, for some reason, I just-"

"You know they say to 'assume' makes an 'ass' of 'u' and 'me'." Emily says, cutting me off.

"Yes..." I reply. "Sorry."

She smiled up at me. "It's alright, I'm joking with you." She says. "Our father is fairly laid back, so long as our partners treat us right, he's got no problems. But our mother... she's all status, and breeding, one of those real 'keeping up with the Joneses' types, you know?"

"Oh, right..." I reply.

"It wasn't just hard growing up... It made being myself more or less impossible. I never felt like I could relax." She says, shifting and laying her head in my lap. I slowly stroked my fingers through her hair. "Having a twin... I didn't get much privacy growing up. But as she was younger, I was always...living in Katie's shadow, I suppose. She got all the attention growing up."

"And did that bother you?"

"Sort of. I learned to live with it after a while. I read a lot of books." She replies.

I looked down at her, to see that her eyes were closed. "Books don't make much of a substitute for parental attention, though."

"I guess not." She said. "But I suppose when you've not had much of it, you don't know what you're missing."

"That's sad." I said.

"Is it?" Emily said, her voice hollow.

I frowned. "Emily, I don't understand... You are sounding much sadder than someone who placed in a poetry competition should... You should be happy about it, so... What's wrong?"

"I told you... I've not placed, before..." She said.

I shook my head. "That's not it... There's something else."

Emily sighed, her fingers playing with the rip in the knee of my jeans. "Compliments." She said. "I'm not good with them... Taking them."

"Why not?"

"I don't deserve them." She said, quietly.

I scoffed. "You're kidding, right?" Emily shook her head. "What on earth would make you say that?"

"It's just a hobby. I'm not even really that good at it..." She shrugged.

"Now you stop, right there." I said. Emily sat up and faced me, her eyes half open. I took her hand in mine and gently rubbed my thumbs across her skin. "I don't want to hear you say that, Emily."

"Why not?"

I looked at her, seeing how vulnerable she looked. "Because it's not true."

"How do you know? You've barely read anything I've written."

"Then I need to read more, so the next time I tell you, you'll believe me a little better." I said. "What I've heard of yours, is beautiful. You have quite a talent."

Emily looked at me, her big brown eyes taking on this childlike innocence. She studied me for a moment, like she was trying to gauge how serious I was. Finally, she nodded. "Alright... But you have to do one thing for me."

I narrowed my eyes, curiously. "What is it?"

I answer, she got up and went into her room, and came back a moment later, holding a pocket sized, black journal. She sat down, and held it out to me. "Here." Her husky voice whispered.

I took the journal in my hands and held it. It felt solid, and I traced the spine with my fingertip. It felt well used, so I'm guessing Emily wrote in it a lot. I looked up at her, with what must have been a questioning expression, judging by what she said next.

"It's my poetry journal, I guess." She said. "You said you needed to read more, so..."

"Oh." I said, opening the cover of the small book, the pale paper printed with four lines and slightly swirly script, that read "This journal belongs to:" and then "Emily Fitch", printed in dark purple ink. I traced her curly handwriting with my fingers. "Wow..." I said, looking up to see her biting her bottom lip. Her cheeks had turned bright red, and her fringe covered her eyes. I closed the cover of the notebook, and placed it on the coffee table,t among her hands back in mine. "Has anyone else ever read your poetry?" I asked, looking down at our hands. Our fingers seemed to be enjoying the contact between them, slowly.

Emily cleared her throat, pulling my focus up to her eyes. She gently shook her head. "No. The odd piece for class, or the pieces I've performed, but other than that..." She cringed a little as she said it, which tugged at my heart.

"What is it?" I asked, softly.

"Katie... She thinks poetry is stupid. I mean, she used to tease me about it quite a lot growing up."

"But, she came to your gig?" I said.

Emily shrugged. "Only because I threatened to tell mum and dad that she's got no desire to ever get married."

"That's a bad thing?"

"It is when you're our mother."

"Oh, right." I said. "The whole... 'what will the neighbours think' shite."

"Got it." She frowned.

I squeezed her hand gently. "And you're going to let me read your poetry?"

Emily shrugged. "I'm all about experiments, me."

My eyes widened, and I got up off the sofa.

"Experiments? Are you having a fucking laugh?" I spat, angrily.

"No, wait, I-" Emily stuttered.

"I'm not your fucking experiment, Emily! Jesus, I fucking like you, ok? Fuck, why does this always happen to me?" I said. "Every time I find a girl I like, she's round the twist in some way..."

"Hey!" Emily snapped. "That's not fucking fair!"

I looked at her, dumbstruck. "What?"

"I'm not round the fucking twist. At least... I don't think I am..." She said, trailing off.

"W-what d'you mean?" I asked, tentatively sitting back down on the sofa.

Emily sighed, and it seemed to be deep. She took my hand, and held it tightly. "It's not you who is the experiment." She said, softly. "It's me."

I stared at her. "You? I don't get it..."

She picked up the journal on the table, placing it back in my hands. "Not right now, but... I want you to read it."

"Ok..."

"Forget that you know me, when you do. Forget that you and I have been... Intimate."

I shrugged. "Oh, right, so... Forget that you've screamed my name while my fingers were inside you... I get it." Emily just looked at me and tilted her head. "Sorry." I murmured, in apology.

She broke into a grin. "Gotcha." She giggled. "I knew you were joking. I love your sense of humour."

I sighed, with relief, as she chuckled. "So...what's the experiment, then?"

Her expression soured a little. "To see if you still want to spend time with me." She said, quietly. "It's what is up here..." She said, tapping her temple with her fingertips. "And I need to know you can handle it. Because I fucking like you, too."

"You do?" I asked.

She nodded, and looked up at me. "Yeah. So before we go any deeper into the rabbit hole, I need to know you're up to it."

"You make yourself sound like a challenge." I said, curiously.

Emily shrugged. "I've been called worse."

I put the journal on the coffee table once more, and beckoned Emily towards me. she cuddled into my arms, and I felt her relax into the comfort my embrace clearly provided her.

"I don't mean to be so...difficult." Emily said.

"Oh, no..." I said, stroking my fingers through her hair. "I don't think that, at all."

"No? Bet you thought we would be halfway to bed, by now. Or maybe going for round two?" She said, poking me in the ribs.

"Ow!" I laughed. "That tickles." She giggled, and then wrapped her arms back around me, settling her head against my shoulder. "I'd be lying if I said the thought didn't occur to me."

"Ah-_hah!_"

"But..." I said, gently tracing my fingertips up and down her spine, making her shiver slightly, "...I was more concerned about you."

"Aww."

"I'm serious, I was worried you were upset. And besides, I've done my share of cheering up this month." I said.

"What?"

"My flatmate. She gets into these...funks, I guess." I explained. "She was the reason our lunch date got cut short."

"Ah." Emily replied. "And you cheer her up?"

I shrugged. "She says it helps when I talk to her. It doesn't matter about what. Not sure how that would work, though..."

"It's a distraction." Emily said, softly. "It helps her to focus on what isn't the other voices."

I blinked. "How do you know she hears voices?"

"We all hear voices, Naomi. It just depends on whether we listen to what they say."

"What, so a successful stockbroker hears "buy low, sell high", and a homicidal maniac hears "Redrum! Redrum!"... Is that how it works?"

Emily laughed, her small frame shaking against me. "Well, similar theory, but maybe different words."

"Effy's cool, otherwise."

"Effy? As in Effy Stonem?" Emily asked, timidly.

"Yeah." I replied. "Why?"

Emily's brow furrowed. "A bloke I work with, he's going out with an Effy."

My eyes widened. "Tall, floppy haired bloke... Eddie?"

"Freddie." She corrected.

"Right."

"He says she's a bit... Well, odd." She said.

"She's not odd, she's just...been through a lot." I replied.

"Oh."

I looked at the clock on the wall. "Jesus, is that the time?"

Emily looked up and saw that it was after midnight. "I guess so."

"I should go." I said. "I have somewhere to be early in the morning."

Emily looked at me, her eyes sad. "You can't stay a while longer?" She asked. "It's so comfortable with you here..."

I framed her face in my hands and kissed her softly. "I wish I could, hun. I'm sorry. But, I'm being picked up at nine tomorrow."

Emily nodded, getting up off the sofa, and I did the same, picking up the journal off the coffee table and following her out to the front door. I picked up my field jacket and scarf off the hook, and put my jacket on, placing the journal in its pocket. Emily took my scarf from my hand and stood on her tiptoes, looping it around my neck loosely, tucking the edges under the lapels of my jacket as I zipped it up. Her hand slipped up to my cheek and she pulled me close for a slow, tender kiss. My arms slid around her as I was enthralled by the contact of her lips on mine, so warm, so soft, delicate...

"You should go..." She said, as her lips parted from mine. "...otherwise you might not leave, and I don't want you missing your pickup because of me." Her voice was hushed and low, and was full of both longing and sadness, once again tugging at my heart.

I nodded, and leaned my forehead against her own. "Ok..." I whispered. I knew exactly what she meant, somehow. She drew me in so completely,so quickly, and I had a feeling she felt the same way. I hugged her close to me and felt her shiver once more. "Mmm." I said, softly. "One day you'll tell me why you do that..." I added, my lips next to her ear as I softly whispered the words. I released my arms from around her and walked down her front steps, turning back to face her. "I'll call you?" I asked.

She blinked, then smiled gently and nodded.

"Ok... Goodnight, Emily."

Emily waved, her fringe falling in front of her eyes as I turned to walk down the street. I'd gone about three of four streets when my phone buzzed in my pocket.

"_With the journal... Start from the most recent and work your way back. xoxo xEmilyx_"

I smiled, and put my phone back in my pocket, continuing my journey home.

* * *

When I got in, Effy was lying in the sofa in front of television, the lights all out and a David Attenborough documentary carrying on with the sound relatively low. On the coffee table was an empty bottle of vodka, and a lone glass, still half full.

"Oh, Eff... Again?" I mused to myself, mostly, as I stepped closer to her and checked to see that she was still breathing. She was, and she was lying on her side, so I pulled a blanket out of the linen cupboard and draped it over her. I filled a glass with some water, and left a couple of painkillers beside it on the table for her. I shrugged off my field jacket and placed if on the coat hook, and did the same with my scarf, retrieving the small journal Emily had entrusted me with.

Start from the most recent, she had said. Hmm... I took a shower to unwind properly from the evening, wishing I could have stayed at Emily's. There was a look in her eyes that told me she didn't want me to go, and I knew it. I felt it. That's weird, isn't it? I mean... We are only just getting to know each other, we both like each other, so why did it feel so bloody wrong to leave her when she was looking at me like that?

Once I was out of the shower, I wrapped myself in a towel and went into my room, shutting the door behind me. I sat on my bed, leaning against the headrest, and ran my fingers over the small journal, over its smooth bound cover, and the rounded corners of the pages as they sat stacked. It looked to be well crafted, and obviously Emily's poetry meant much more to her than she let on. I mean, really, who buys this kind of well-bound journal for trivial scribblings?

Pushing those thoughts out of my mind, I flicked through to the last pages that had writing on them, and began to read.

"_I was blinded by light  
In a dark space  
Speaking to a crowd  
That knew no different  
Do my words get through?  
Do they...impact?  
What meaning does my heart have  
To those who don't know  
What it is to be me?  
They don't know how hard it is.  
How hard it is to wear this mask  
To put on a smile that says  
I'm happy to be here._"

I was surprised by the melancholy direction this poem was taking, until I read further.

"_...And then... She spilled my drink on me.  
A girl taller than me, with hair as golden as straw.  
I looked up to see steady shoulders  
And beautiful, clear blue eyes.  
Eyes I later let myself drown slightly in...  
As we drowned in each other.  
But...not too much.  
For I fear, if I allow myself to  
I will be as lost to myself  
As I already feel myself becoming to her.  
This feeling, it overwhelms me  
And it threatens to consume me whole.  
If she is a flame  
Then I am black powder.  
I think I want her to set me ablaze._"

The poem was dated, and I counted back the days in my head, noting that it was the night after we'd had lunch and I stayed the night in her flat during the storm.

_Oh, Emily_.

I picked up my phone and sent a text to Emily.

"_I think you are my flame. I'm sorry I had to leave. I can't wait till we see each other again. Sweet dreams. xoxo xNx_"

I made sure my alarm was set, and the turned onto my side and snuggled under the duvet, letting my mind go blank and falling asleep.

* * *

**A/N#2: All I can say is the next chapter will be up eventually.**

**Still don't know where this is headed and I haven't done my plot outline yet, because I'm lazy.**

**What, you expected something less than honesty? :-P**

**Right, sodding off before I start ranting snarkily about the usually depressive, self-loathing shite I always think at the end of November.**

**Reviews?**

**UNT...**

**~GN~ xo**


	5. Introspection

**A/N: I blame this chapter on the completely shit day I've had, so if it sucks, I'm sorry.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. Whatever.**

* * *

**(Emily POV)**

When I woke up the next morning, I had two messages on my phone, both from Naomi.

"_I think you are my flame. I'm sorry I had to leave. I can't wait till we see each other again. Sweet dreams. xoxo xNx_"

And then one that was sent a short time afterwards.

"_How am I supposed to forget what we have been for each other, when you write so beautifully about us? xNx_"

Honestly, I wasn't so sure how to answer her question.

I flung back the duvet and slid out of bed, shaking out my hair and padding out to the bathroom, where I took a shower, and then got dressed, going out to the kitchen to make some coffee.

As I sat down to drink it, I frowned. This was usually the time when I would try and create, but Naomi had my journal. I didn't mind that she had it, I did give it to her to read, after all... I hoped it might explain something about myself, and it seemed like the best idea at the time. But now... I guess the benefit of sleep had made me think as to whether it was the best decision. It was true that no one had ever properly read my poetry before... It was always something I kept to myself, apart from performing it on stage at the odd pub poetry night.

But there was something so utterly naked about what I had done. What else could I do, though, really? I was disappointed that she hadn't been able to stay the previous evening... Even if nothing had happened between us, being next to her made me feel calmer, more peaceful. Something about her quelled the voice inside me that told me things I would rather forget I was hearing. Being in her arms was such a beautiful, simple pleasure, and it was something I wanted to experience again very soon. But my heart had sunk somewhat when she said she had to leave. How do you tell someone you barely know that you feel like you will crumble as soon as they walk out of your door? It was illogical...wasn't it? I know that logic and the heart are two separate entities that do not merge correctly, one is always in direct challenge with the other.

The heart will ache, while the mind will tell you that you're being stupid for feeling that way. Everything feels weighed down, anchored in a deep sea of dread, and yet, you know you should just 'get on with it', like your friends, family and psychologist will tell you to do. But you know, it's never that easy. It's all well and good to tell yourself to pick yourself up out of a hole and reach for the light, but doing it... That is an entirely different kettle of fish. Some of us lack the actual impetus to kick start ourselves out of the black messes we might find ourselves in, and while other people think we are wallowing, we are really just trying to find the strength to cope.

Then there are those of us who choose our own methods of coping, not approved by the NHS, or 'professionals' who think that because they have a fancy little degree, hanging in a nice little frame on a wall that they know what's best for us. But shouldn't we be able to be the judge of what's best for our sanity? Some of us have no real desire to try the roller coaster of whatever synthetic chemicals cooked up by science to make us 'normal'. All that did was make me completely numb, unresponsive, and uncreative.

No thanks, I'll stick to my emotions and regular doses of booze and spliff to keep myself level headed. Neither recommended by the medicos, or possibly even good for my liver or lungs, but it's a damn sight better than taking pill after pill and feeling like a goddamn robot. I'm not made of sodding circuitry, I'm made of flesh and blood, yeah? My mood is supposed to swing, as far as I'm concerned. The trick is finding a balance to make sure it doesn't swing completely out of control.

Which is why I started to write. Some of the thoughts are much less dangerous when they are on paper, and not festering away in my mind. Of course, Katie thought it was all crap, whatever I wrote, but as I explained to Naomi, if it wasn't pop lyrics (which Katie often found many 'gems' of, according to her...gems of shit, more like), she didn't pay any attention to it. God forbid if someone ever turned one of my pieces into a song, she'd actually have to admit she liked my poetry instead of lying to me about it. God knows why I continued to ask her to come to my readings, but I knew if I didn't, the only praise I would get would be from drunken students who were only applauding because I'd stopped speaking.

Sometimes it makes me think that I need to get out of Bristol...and find somewhere with a better scene that would appreciate what I write more. But then, the self doubting kicks in, and I think 'what's the point?', ending with me talking myself out of it for the millionth time. Besides, I didn't know anyone anywhere else, so where could I go? I was too much of a lonerish person at times, to flat with someone I didn't know, plus with unknown people, there's always that issue of trust, isn't there? So... I remain living by myself in Bristol. But I always catch myself wondering if there's really a difference to living alone in Bristol, and, say, packing up and fucking off to somewhere like London, where I might have a better chance with this talent.

It was enough to begin with, that mum and dad had allowed me to live alone. Dad, it turned out, was just worried about my safety, whereas mum was more worried bout me being led astray. Led astray? HA. Turned gay, more like, according to my mother's values. Little did she know, she had nothing to worry about there... Well, not as far as I was concerned. Since I discovered it, I've always been comfortable with my sexuality. Why shouldn't I be? It's the true me, isn't it? The hardest part about it was keeping it from my mum. My dad knew... I'd told him one afternoon when he had taken me out for coffee.

"_How are you doing, Emsy? I mean really, love?" He asked, in his cheery Liverpudlian accent._

_I shrugged. "Ok, I suppose. Look, dad..."_

_"Yes, love?"_

_"I've ...got something to tell you." I said._

_"Oh? What is it?" He asked, eyeing me up carefully._

_I had a voice in my head telling me two different things. One, that he was my father and that he had always loved me no matter what. The other thing, was doubt that he would be accepting of me when I told him what I had to say._

_"I'm... Dad... I'm gay." I said, quietly._

_"Gay? As in..." He said, carefully._

_"I like girls...yeah." I replied. "Sorry." I said, after a pause._

_He reached across the table and took my hand. "What are you sorry for, love?" He asked, gently squeezing my hand in his own warm one._

_I shrugged, and stared at him, biting my bottom lip. "I thought you'd be mad."_

_He gave me a gentle smile and shook his head. "You're still you, aren't you?" I nodded. "Still my little Emsy?" I nodded again. "Then it doesn't matter, love. As long as it makes you happy, and you're comfortable with it, then I'm happy for you."_

_"Ok." I replied, quietly, looking down at his hand covering mine. I looked back into his eyes. "Um... W-what about mum?"_

_He nodded, solemnly. "You know how she is, Emsy."_

_"Yeah." I said, sadly. "I don't like to keep things from her, dad... But I don't think I have a choice with this. Telling her would just cause trouble."_

_"Sorry, kid." He said, sympathetically squeezing my hand._

_"Not your fault." I replied._

So, while dad and Katie knew, I'd kept it from mum. The only problem was James, who could never keep his mouth shut, but Katie had threatened him with physical harm if he ever spilled the beans. And dad threatened three-times-a-day stints on the naughty bar if he let slip. He hated the naughty bar, so he blessedly kept his wormy little mouth shut.

As Katie and I got older, it was harder to hide the fact that I never had a boyfriend around, especially when Katie seemed to shag any boy within stone's throw who harboured a pulse. I very nearly contemplated telling mum, just to get her off my back every week, but it was when she mentioned in passing over dinner one night (a strange inedible vegetable concoction that I don't think even contained any nutrients anymore), that she had seen two lesbians in the supermarket kissing, and how shameful and disgusting it was, and how people like that shouldn't be allowed to live in decent society. I caught Katie's eyes as they met mine, looking at me with a mixture of upset sympathy. I had remained quiet for the rest of the meal, until I excused myself and went upstairs, and lay down on my bed.

It was barely a few minutes later when Katie walked into our shared bedroom and plonked herself down on her own bed.

"_You know you can't tell her, right?" She lisped._

_I nodded. "Don't you think I know that?" I said, my voice hollow. My mother's description of what she saw, and the words she had chosen, her tone, the lot of it, cut me right to the core of my heart, and I realised in that moment that my mother, who professed to love me (and I guess she does, in her way) would never, ever accept me for who I am._

_Katie looked at my grim expression and her own softened as she watched the tears slide down my cheeks._

_"Oh Ems...c'mon...shove over, babes." Katie said, getting up and crossing over to my bed. She lay down next to me and wrapped me up in a sisterly hug, letting me cry on her shoulder._

It was not long after that she and I moved out, our parents allowing us to, on the condition that we got a flat together. That lasted until we were eighteen, and I decided I needed a place of my own. Seeing as we were already out of home, it wasn't like our parents had any real say in what we did, Katie and I both had part time jobs at the time, and we were both finishing college. Our mum wasn't happy about it, but dad had enough sense to realise that we were both grown up, and could make our own decisions.

I picked up my phone and sent a text to Naomi.

"_Hi. Listen...I'm doing a reading tonight at the pub on the corner of the high street if you are free. I'm on at 9. xEmsx_"

I sent the message and a short moment later, my phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered, my voice a little rough from not having spoken to anyone today.

"_Can I bring a friend?_" Naomi asked.

I smiled. "Uhm... Sure. Shouldn't be a problem." I replied.

"_Ok. We will be there, then._"

"Alright."

"_H-how are you?_" She asked.

"I'm alright... Just got up, actually. I'm drinking coffee."

"_You only just got up? You just have gone to bed late, it's almost eleven_." Naomi said.

"Yeah, after you left, I lay awake for a long time."

"_Were you ok?_"

"Mmhmm... I was just thinking. I do that sometimes." I mused. "Did you read much of my journal?"

There was a short pause before Naomi answered. "_Yes. I...actually stopped because I started to fall asleep, in spite of my best efforts to keep reading. I closed it and put it on my bedside table before anything happened to it._" She explained.

"...And?" I asked, cautiously.

Another pause before her answer. "_You write so beautifully. Even the deep stuff...well, it's all deep, but..._"

"It differs. The deepness." I said.

"..._yes_." Naomi replied. "_But no matter how deep...your use of language is very good_."

"Is that your critique as a journo?" I smirked.

A short pause. "_No_." She replied. "_It's my serious opinion as someone who loves your poetry. What I've read so far, anyway._"

"Ok." I replied. "Thank you, Naomi."

"_There's no need to thank me, Emily._" Naomi replied. "_You should be proud of your talent, and that's a compliment I want you to accept._"

I smiled. "Maybe I need to keep you around, then."

"_Why?_" She laughed.

"Because...it...feels good to hear you say that." I replied.

"_Good, I'm glad. Listen... I hate to cut this short, but I have to go, I'm having lunch at my mum's place. I'll see you tonight?_"

"Sure. Come find me after my spot?" I asked.

"_You better believe I will._" Naomi said, and I noted the smile in her voice.

"Ok. Enjoy your lunch."

"_Not likely, but thanks anyway._" She laughed. "_Bye, hun._" The line went dead.

* * *

Another night, another stage... You would think I wouldn't ever get stage fright considering how many times I did this. But this was the first time I'd actually invited Naomi to come and hear me perform, and what's more she was bringing a friend this time.

I stood at the side of the stage, as the announcer for the evening introduced me in his thick Scottish accent.

"Ok, the next lovely lady we have performing is a local girl, and this is her second time performing here... Would you please welcome to the stage Emily Fitch!"

The usual smattering of applause followed, and the spotlights, as usual, prevented me from seeing past my nose, being blinded by light.

"Hi, I'm Emily. Thanks for being here to support local artists. The piece I have this evening is called 'Introspection'"

I unfold the sheet of paper that I had written the poem on earlier this afternoon, and began to read.

"_There's a painful aching inside me  
My chest stricken with a leaden heaviness  
That never seems to abate  
It infects my heart  
Kills my mood  
Paralyses my soul  
And freezes my mind  
Until I am so numb  
My name ceases to mean anything  
In the midst of this incoherency  
There is a very small, very scared girl  
She screams to get out  
But her words are reflected back at her  
Silently.  
As though the lips move  
But she can't hear what is being said.  
I realise the girl is me  
As I sit to the side of her  
Gently stroking my fingers through her hair  
How did I become so isolated  
So... Ill fitting in my own life  
The ache in my chest begins to burn  
It flows up to my neck  
Up through the veins and capillaries of my face  
It reaches my tear ducts and begins to sting me terribly  
I do not want this  
And yet I cannot stop it  
I can't fight the tears  
As they slip down my cheeks  
I can't fight this feeling of pain inside me  
It has blanketed me  
And I am drowning._"

The room was briefly silent, when I heard clapping from the back of the crowd, which then trickled through until it rippled through the people gathered.

"Thank you for listening." I said, before walking off the stage. The announcer walked back to the microphone and began to introduce the next performer as I made my way out to the balcony for a smoke. I didn't smoke that often, really, only when I felt overwhelmed by nerves. I took a long drag and exhaled the smoke into the night around me.

"Got a light?" I heard from behind me. I spun around to see Naomi standing behind me, looking at me as if I was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

"Hi." She said, with a smile, coming closer to me.

"Hi." I said, as I handed her my lighter. "Thought you were bringing a friend?"

She shook her head as she lit her smoke and leaned on the railing next to me. "She wasn't up to it. I tried to get her out, but..."

"Oh... Your flatmate?"

"Effy, yeah. I thought she might like to come and hear you." Naomi explained.

I looked over at her, worried about my journal. "You...didn't..."

"Oh, no! Not at all... Oh, I wouldn't do that unless you had given me your permission to do so, hun." Naomi said, resting her hand on my shoulder. "I can tell those words are personal to you, I wouldn't show them to just anybody."

"Right." I replied. "Thank you." I added, softly.

"Look...Freddie said he was coming to take Effy out to cheer her up a bit, that's why she didn't end up coming. My place is free, if you'd...like to come over for a bit?"

"Oh...no pressure, huh?" I smirked.

"N-no, that's not what I meant, I-"

"Naomi...I was joking." I smiled.

"Oh." She said. "Of course you were. You're funny, you know..sometimes I can't pick up on your jokes."

"Yeah, I get that a lot." I grinned. "I'd...love to... If you're offering."

"Ok." Naomi said, stubbing out her smoke. I followed suit. "Uhm...don't you have to stay and see who won?" She asked.

I shook my head. "This one isn't a competition, so no." I explained.

Naomi nodded, taming my hand in hers. I relished the sensation and curled my fingers around her own. "C'mon... Let's get out of the chill, shall we?"

* * *

**A/N#2: I hope that wasn't too...whatever... it literally just poured out of my brain.**

**Review if you wish.**

**~GN~ xo**


	6. Everyone Has Problems

**A/N: This is another chapter that has taken an entirely different turn to how I intended to begin with. I just couldn't steer it in the right direction, I suppose. Nevertheless, I've written it, so I'm posting it.**

**There is a tad bit of angst in this chapter, sort of. But then, Emily appears to be a very complex individual in this story. Or she seems to be turning into one. *shrug* I'm fairly sure this chapter mostly wrote itself again, so who knows.**

**Right, then... On with it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. Any and all typographical errors are naughty little monkeys who should have their bananas taken away forthwith.**

* * *

**(Naomi POV)**

I don't know how she manages to look so beautiful, and so lost all at the same time. I can't make out whether it makes her more intriguing to me, or whether it's just my imagination. It's almost scary how her hand fits so easily into mine as we walk, like it's just ...meant to be there. She mostly looks at the ground while we walk, so I don't think she notices that I'm stealing the odd glance at her, taking in, in brief snapshots how she looks.

We don't really say much on the way back to my flat... I actually hope to myself that Effy has stayed out with Freddie, she said she might, but you can never tell with her. I hope that he has made her feel a bit better, though.

We get to my door, and I put the key into the lock, turning it and opening the door. I step aside to let Emily in first, giving her a soft smile as I did so. She ducked her head, walking in as I followed, closing the door behind us.

"Flat to yourself?" She asked, as I flipped on the light switch.

I listened for a brief moment, hearing no sound. "Looks that way." I replied. "Can I get you a drink, or anything?"

"Just water." She replied.

"Ok... Make yourself at home." I said, flicking my eyes to the door to the sitting room. "I'll be with you in a moment."

I kicked off my shoes by the door and went into the kitchen, busying myself with getting Emily a glass of water, and one for myself as well. When I went into the sitting room, Emily was staring at the large poster that graced the wall above the television. I quietly stepped beside her and placed my hand on her shoulder. She tenses, and shivers, and turns to look at me.

I look at her curiously for a moment, as she studies my features with her brow cutely furrowed. "Are you alright?" I ask, softly. She hesitates, briefly, and then nodded. I handed her one of the glasses of water. "You seemed interested in the poster..."

"Is it yours?" Emily asked.

I shook my head. "No, it's Effy's. Not particularly my taste... Never was one for representations of the grim reaper."

"Oh." She replied, taking a sip of her water. "It's one of the better ones I've seen, I guess. It didn't strike me as being yours."

"I see." I replied, as I sat on the sofa. She sat next to me as I placed my glass on the coffee table.

She looked around the room, taking in her surroundings. "Nice flat.  
Have you been here long?"

I shrugged. "A couple of years, I suppose. Effy and I moved into it when we were in college. Her dad paid for it until we were old enough to take over the lease ourselves."

"Katie and I moved into a flat by ourselves at one point... It was the only way our parents would let us move out of home." Emily said softly.

"They don't trust you?"

"It's not that...they were just protective, I suppose." She replied. "It was a little annoying having to live with Katie, so... Eventually I moved into where I am now, on my own."

"And what did your parents say about it?"

She shrugged. "Not much they could say, really. We were both eighteen, so it didn't matter. I was glad of it... I love my sister, but she drives me crazy... Well, crazier..."

I laughed slightly. "I don't think you are crazy."

Emily looked up at me, with those beautiful brown, innocent eyes. "Naomi... You don't even know me that well." She said.

"No, but... I've read enough of your poetry to know a little bit about you."

"Fair point." She replied. "You don't think that... I mean some of it is..."

She stopped speaking as I took her hand in mine, and held it gently. I ran my thumb across the back of her hand and looked into her eyes, shaking my head. "Everyone has problems, Emily. I can tell from what I've read that you have such a way of expressing what is inside you, whether it's good or bad."

"It doesn't... I thought it might bother you."

I raised my eyebrow. "Then...why did you let me read your journal?"

"I told you... To see if you still wanted to know me." She said, bowing her head.

I moved closer to her, and lifted her chin so her eyes met mine. I leaned in and placed my lips against hers, kissing her. I slid my hand up to her neck, drawing her a little closer and I deepened the kiss, feeling her lips move slowly against my own. The kiss became deeper still, until I found myself kissing across her jawline to her ear. "Does that answer your question?" I whispered, leaning back to once again look into her eyes.

Emily stared at me, mouth open. She blinked, and then nodded slowly. "I just... I had to be sure." She whispered.

"You are intense, Emily, I can tell that from your words, and the time we've spent together. I'd be lying if I said that didn't intrigue me just a little. I feel like I have to get to know more of you."

"There's more to me than just my words, Naomi." Emily said. "You need to know that."

"I do know that, hun." I said, once again taking her hand in my own. "I want to know what your words don't tell me."

"It can be bumpy...tagging along with me." She said, doubt in her voice.

I again studied her carefully. "Why do I get the feeling you are trying to warn me off?"

She sighed, hesitating. "I'm complicated."

"I live with complicated." I replied. It was true, living with Effy was complicated sometimes, what with her episodes and sometimes coming home to find her passed out. But that didn't mean that I didn't love her all the same... She was my best friend, after all.

"I'm a confusing person to be around." Emily added.

I put my fingers to her lips. "Can you let me decide that on my own?" I asked. "We can all make our own decisions. Emily. I've decided I want to know more about you."

"I know, but-"

"Or is it you who doesn't want to know more about me?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I'll hurt you, I... I fuck people up, Naomi. I don't want to do the same to you. You...you're too special."

"So are you." I said.

She shook her head again. "I'm not. Really... I'm not."

I squeezed her hand in mine. "You are to me."

Emily sighed, and leaned backwards against the back of the sofa, closing her eyes. "Why are you so good to me?" She said her voice barely a whisper.

"I like you." I replied. "Isn't that enough?"

"I suppose. I guess I just don't think I'm likeable."

I laughed. "Are you kidding, or what?"

"No." She said, with such a hollow tone to her voice.

I reached up and stroked my fingers through her fringe, making her turn her head towards me. She opened her eyes and I noticed a single tear sliding down her cheek.

"Oh, babe..." I said, pulling her into my arms and hugging her close. Her fingers curled around the back of my neck and held on tight to me. "Are you ok?" I asked, gently stroking my fingers through her hair.

"Ignore me..." She murmured, against my neck. "I can't help it. You're just...so..." She sighed. "I don't deserve you, y'know... You're too good for me."

"Why?" I asked, pulling back to face her, rubbing my thumbs across her tear streaked cheeks. She stared back at me, the look she gave me was tugging at my heart. What could make such a talented girl feel that I was too good for her? Me, a simple journo student... If there was someone undeserving in this situation, it was me, not Emily.

"You... You really mean it? You want to know me?"

I nodded. "I wouldn't have given you my number if I didn't."

She leaned in and kissed me slowly, her tongue slipping past my lips to caress my own. She moved closer to me as the kiss continued, our lips separating as her head rested against mine. "So long as you know..." She whispered.

"I really, really like you, Emily." I said, softly.

"I know." She replied. "I like you too. Don't think for a second that I don't."

"I think it is more than that." I whispered. "For the both of us."

Emily leaned in and kissed me again softly. "Would you follow me down the rabbit hole?" She said, when her lips left mine.

"I think I'd follow you anywhere..." I replied. "Do you want to follow me?"

She kisses me again, deeper this time, and it takes my breath away completely and makes me stomach drop, because there's so much want behind it. "Yes." She murmurs, in between the gentle, tiny soft kisses that spill across my jawline.

I stand and pull her up with me, linking my fingers through her own. "Come on..." I said, pulling her towards my room, feeling the warmth of her hand in my own. I open the door, and reach up to turn the light on. The room flooded with light, and I'm suddenly glad I actually remembered to clean up for once. That could have been a bit embarrassing if I hadn't. Emily walked into the room and stood in the middle of it, taking in the space. Her attention was drawn to the mirror of my dressing table, which was surrounded by various photos and the odd concert ticket or two. Her focus was drawn to the photo at the top, and she turned to me. "Can I...?" She asked, pointing to the picture.

I nodded, and she gently pulled it off the mirror and looked at it, then turned it over, reading the note on the back. "Effy and...your mum?"

"Yes."

Emily looked at the photo again, then back up at me, and smiled. "You have her eyes."

"So people tell me." I shrugged, as I moved closer to her. "It was taken on my birthday, a few years ago."

"You look happy. You all do."

"Yeah, I suppose we do." I said.

"Does your mum know...that you're gay?" Emily asked, quietly.

I laughed. "I think she knew before I did."

"And she's ok with it?"

"Yes."

"Must be nice." She replied, a sad tone to her voice.

"You?" I asked.

"My dad knows." Emily said. "But my mum..." She added, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry." I said, pulling her into my arms and wrapping them around her.

"You don't have to be. She's just an intolerable bitch."

"Meaning you can't tolerate her, or...?" I asked.

"Meaning she isn't tolerant at all." She replied, flatly. "She's the only person in my family who doesn't know."

"And you hide it from her? Why? She loves you, doesn't she?"

Emily shook her head. "Can we not..." She said, pausing. "I don't want to talk about that right now...ok?" She looked up at me with wide, trusting eyes.

"Ok." I replied, hugging her close to me again. "What do you want to talk about, then?" She leaned her head on my shoulder and I felt her relax into my embrace. Gently, I kissed her temple. "Oh." I whispered. "You don't want to talk?" She shook her head slowly. "You want to lie down?"

"Can we?" She asked.

"Of course." I replied. "C'mon..."

I laid down on my bed, pulling Emily with me. I rolled onto my side and she cuddled into my arms, shivering slightly. "Thank you." She said, softly.

"For?"

"Not pushing."

"Oh." I replied. "Will you tell me?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes." Emily stressed. "I just... I can't right now."

"Ok..." I said, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "Can I ask you another question? Not about that..."

"I guess..."

"Why do you shiver when you are in my arms?" I asked, gently stroking my fingertips down her cheek.

She sighed, deeply, and closed her eyes. "It scares me. How good you feel. I've never felt it before." She whispered.

"You feel good, too. I'm not sure how to describe it..." I said. "I'm not as good with words as you are."

"I just feel whole, when I'm with you, like this. I don't know why, or how... It just is." Emily explained.

"Yeah." I replied.

"It's not a bad thing...at least, I don't think it is. It doesn't feel bad." She said.

"It feels good?"

"Yeah. It feels right. I feel it here..." She said, taking my hand and placing it over her heart. I swear I could almost feel the muscle beating in her chest. "Also, here..." She said, moving my hand to her stomach, and holding it there firmly. Her eyes met mine, staring at me curiously. "Do you?"

The questions was almost innocent, but I knew that there was only one way I could answer her question. "I do." I replied, my thumb gently rubbing across her shirt covered stomach. I leaned in and kissed her softly, my lips barely brushing against hers. I pulled back and looked into her eyes, gently stroking through her fringe. I saw so much in those eyes, curiosity, wonder, but also pain. I couldn't place it, and could only surmise that it had something to do with her past... But right now, I knew she didn't want to talk about it, and neither did I.

She leaned in and kissed me again, her fingers scrunching up the section of shirt at my waist, as she wriggled closer to me. I pulled her in close and slid my arm across her back as we continued to kiss, slowly. I don't deny that her lips felt like heaven against my own. That her body was warm and firm next to mine. I simply can't. Because it's the truth of it all. I didn't know why to his felt so good... To just hold her and kiss her like this. It was generating a sort of contentment...and it was only then that I'd realised it was because I'd missed Emily. I'd genuinely missed her, I just hadn't let myself think about it much. Or at all.

Emily trailed her kisses down to my neck and gently nuzzled her nose against it, the breath from her nostrils causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up. I pulled her closer to me. "Can I stay?" She asked, barely whispering the words.

"Of course you can, hun." I replied.

"I just don't feel like being alone tonight."

"Then...you won't be. I'll be here with you."

Emily placed a soft kiss against my neck. "Thank you."

We lay together silently for a long while, before Emily spoke again. "I'm sorry, Naomi... For being so..."

"Hey..." I said, kissing the top of her head. "It doesn't matter. I'm just glad you're here with me. Whatever is bothering you... I'd like to think we have time to talk about it." I said. "Whenever you are ready...I'm here, ok?"

"Yeah." Emily said, softly, a smile crossing her lips. "You're amazing."

"Why?"

"You're so patient. I don't know how you can be so patient with me. Most girls never stick around long enough, but you... You're still here. I'm grateful for that."

I looked at her curiously, searching her expression. "Emily, I don't know what most girls think of you, but I...well, you know that I like you. I think you're a very intense woman, and you interest me. For some reason, I sort of feel a bond with you. I can't explain it any more than you can, though. It just is, y'know?"

"Mmm."

"I'd be mad if I didn't at least see where this would lead." I said, threading my fingers through her own and kissing her softly. "I care about you, Emily."

"I know you do." Emily replied. "And I care about you, too. I just... I don't know how to be with you. I'm...a bit broken."

"Shhhh..." I whispered. "We will figure all that out, yeah? One step at a time."

"Ok."

Emily nestles into my neck again and sighs softly. I gently run my fingertips up and down the small of her back. Soon enough, her breathing evens out, and she is asleep.

"Oh, Emily..." I whisper to myself. "What hurt you so much, baby?"

* * *

**A/N#2: What, indeed?**

**Even I don't know the answer to that, yet... So I can't even give you any clues...not that I would...lol**

**But, something has definitely affected Emily in a way.**

**Anyhoo...**

**Review if you wish to...**

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


	7. Drenched In Sweat

**A/N: This chapter was just in my head, and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it.**

**I realise that some of this chapter is similar theme-wise to TPA, but unlike Naomi's character in that story, Emily has not had as much personal tragedy in her life. But there are still some things that affect her, as you will see. This does get angsty, though, so here is your Warning™.**

**On with it, then.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. It's officially summer here, and I hate it already! Any and all typos, yada yada yada, dyslexic monkeys n stuff.**

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**(Emily POV)**

I'm running, again... From that unknown thing I'm always running from in my dreams... The black cloud that seems to follow me, no matter how much I try and escape it. It's following me through the trees, growling and snarling at my feet with each step. It almost snaps at my heels as I somehow make it across the uneven ground, managing not to trip or twist an ankle on the rocks and divots in the earth.

"_You can't escape me._" A voice says, but from where, I can't pick it. It seems to be all around me, and it sends a chill through me that horribly cold, and all too familiar.

Then, it starts to laugh. A booming, awfully sick, _evil_ sounding laugh that chills my blood even further. My mouth opens to retort, but no sound comes out, again. My legs are moving as fast as they can, my arms frantically pumping at my sides. The lungs beneath my chest are burning, they feel molten inside me, and my heart seems as though it is beating three times as fast as normal. And then I hear something else. A voice that is a total counterpoint to the blackness that is almost about to consume me. It's soft and gentle... And then I see it. A bright, blue light in front of me.

"_Emily_..." The light says, beginning to glow brighter and expand in front of me. It leads my heart towards it, and the energy that the blackness had sapped from my veins begins to recharge itself, and my legs move faster. Everything falls into place, then, my feet finding all the stable places in the ground beneath me. The light becomes brighter still, and then a room forms in my consciousness.

"_Emily...wake up._" The voice says again, gently this time. I feel something closing around my body, though not uncomfortably. The grip around me becomes tighter still, but something tells me it's not out to hurt me. I sigh with relief as I find my legs are not running anymore, and the fear that has gripped me is slowly ebbing away. I feel fingers gently stroking through my hair, and I shudder as I begin to wake up.

The dream has left me drenched in sweat, as it always does.

My eyes flicker open, my heart still racing, and I'm looking at two concerned blue eyes staring back at me.

"Hey... It's alright... You're awake now." She says, softly. "You're safe, nothing can harm you."

I'm so startled as I remember where I am, and who I am with that the remaining terror I feel explodes inside me, and I break down, shaking. Naomi pulls me into her arms as I bury my head in her shoulder and begin sobbing. She holds me as I cry, even though she has no idea what is going on, and I'm all sweaty and damp.

"I'm sorry." I finally whisper, when I've calmed down enough to speak.

Naomi studies me carefully and shakes her head. "Don't be sorry. I understand." She said, her eyes filled with sympathy. I couldn't tell where the sympathy came from, and it made me nervous. How did she just...know how to calm me? She might have understood, but I sure as hell didn't.

"Did I wake you?" I asked, my voice feeling as rough as it would be if I'd spent all night drinking and smoking.

"I was already awake." Naomi replied. "Emily... You're soaked in sweat, hun. You should get up and take a shower... I can lend you something to wear."

"No, I-"

"I insist." She said, gently. "Ok?"

I sighed, deeply. "'K." I said.

Naomi kissed my forehead, and got up. I sat up and watched her as she moved towards her dresser and opened the drawer, pulling out a pair of shorts and a white t-shirt with a silly looking picture of a piglet on it, as well as some underwear. She put them on the end of the bed for me, and shook the tangles out of her hair. "The bathroom is down the hall to the left. Towels are in the cupboard under the sink. Take your time...I'll make you something to eat."

"Y-you don't ha-"

"Yes, Emily, I do." She said, looking into my eyes. "You need to eat something after that, trust me."

I shrugged, not wanting to argue. I was too tired to put up a fight, and I didn't really want to argue with Naomi anyway.

"Hey..." She said, kneeling down in front of me and taking my hand in her own. "It's ok, yeah? I'm not going to judge you. Take your time... I'll be here when you are ready."

"Ok." I nodded, as Naomi stood up and turned to leave. "Naomi?"

"Yeah?" She said, turning back to me.

I looked up at her and gave her a weak smile. "Thank you."

Naomi smiled back at me and nodded, then left the room. I flopped back onto her bed and took a few deep breaths. "_Fuck!_" I muttered, scrunching my eyes shut. "Of all times, why _now?!_" Not really wanting to debate it in my head now, I stood up, picked up the clothes that Naomi had got out for me, and trudged off to the bathroom.

I found it, just where Naomi had said it would be. I shut the door behind me and slowly stripped down to my skin. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like total shit, as though I was completely drained. I stepped into the shower cubicle and turned the water on, waiting for it to warm up. It felt good, once it was spilling over my shoulders. My mind felt like one giant mess, all sawdust and glue, and the only thing I could clearly think of, was Naomi. I don't know why or how she knew what to do with me, but I am glad she did, because if she hadn't suggested I take a shower, I would very well have fled her flat and left her wondering what the fuck she had done.

This was why I needed to be sure. Why I had asked her if she could handle me. If not now, then this would have happened eventually. I couldn't expect her to be with me when I knew, that like other people, she would eventually get tired of waking up to me, waking up from the bad dreams I often suffered. I felt the tears slipping down my cheeks, as the feeling of hollowness grew inside me. I didn't realise that I had slid to the shower floor, until the water had turned cold, and I had begun to shiver. I reached up and shut the water off, carefully standing up and getting out of the cubicle. I looked in the cupboard and pulled out a towel, drying myself off with its white fluffiness. I got dressed and folded up my damp clothes, taking them with me as I left the bathroom.

I slowly walked out to the kitchen, where I found Naomi sitting in front of a cup of coffee, buttering some toast. She looked up at me as I entered the room, and smiled gently. "Alright?"

I gave a weak nod, and sat down on one of the stools on the opposite side of the breakfast bar. "Do you have a bag I can borrow?" I asked quietly, holding up my clothes.

"Sure." Naomi said. "I can wash them for you, if you want? It's no trouble."

I shook my head. "It's fine, I can do it when I get home." I said.

Naomi nodded. She poured me a cup of coffee and cut each of the slices of buttered toast in half and placed them in front of me. "Eat something. You'll feel better."

"I... Sort of used all your hot water. Sorry." I said, picking up one of the slices and nibble at the corner.

"It's fine." Naomi replied. "Did you want something to put on your toast?"

I thought for a moment. "Do you have any peanut butter?"

Naomi smiled. "Yeah." She stood up, and went to the cupboard, opening it, and revealing an array of jars, from jam, to marmite, and two kinds of peanut butter. "Smooth, or crunchy?"

A small smile tugged at the corner of my lips. "Smooth."

Naomi nodded, and picked the jar up off the shelf, closing the cupboard. She pulled out a knife from the drawer, and sat back opposite me, placing both the jar and the knife between us. I reached for the jar and opened it, beginning to apply it to my toast. "What kind of house has both kinds of peanut butter?" I ask out loud.

"I like smooth, Effy likes crunchy." Naomi shrugged. "Simple, really."

"Oh." I said, placing the knife down on the side of the plate and screwing the lid back on the jar. I slowly ate one of the slices of toast, enjoying the nutty flavour of the peanut butter, one of my favourite foods. I swallowed my mouthful before I spoke. "Thanks...for this."

"No need to thank me, Emily."

"No. You really didn't have to." I said, quietly. She looks at me curiously, and then, thankfully, she lets it go, and drinks some of her coffee. "I suppose I should explain..." I said.

Naomi placed her cup back down on the bench and regarded me carefully. "Only if you want to, Emily. I won't push you."

I sighed. "I have bad dreams, sometimes..."

"I sort of figured that out for myself." She said, gently.

"They started a few years ago, before I left home." I explained.

"Oh. Do you know what triggered them?"

I nodded. I looked up at her. She looked back at me attentively, like she was genuinely interested in my answer. "Do you really care?" I asked.

Her brow furrowed as she regarded me carefully. "Emily, you spent the night here last night, and woke up from a bad dream drenched in sweat, looking like you were one second away from bolting. If I was a heartless person, I wouldn't care." Naomi explained. "But, I'm not that kind of person, hun. I care about you, and when you woke up, I was worried. I'm still worried about you, but I'm waiting until you explain, because it can tell it's something personal. You would have told me by now, otherwise."

I picked up the cup of coffee Naomi had made me and took a long sip of the warm liquid. I closed my eyes, feeling my heart become heavier in my chest. "Do you remember what little I told you last night...about my family?"

"Mmm. You said that your dad knows your gay, but your mum doesn't?"

"True." I replied. "Everyone does, except her. My dad, Katie, even our little brother James."

"Can I ask why you haven't told her? There's obviously a reason." Naomi asked.

"Yeah, there is." I said. "When I was seventeen, one night we were eating dinner, and mum was talking about her day, and how she had been in the supermarket, and had seen a lesbian couple kissing. She was so disgusted by it, and had so much contempt for those two women, who she didn't even know, saying that they shouldn't be allowed to be that way in public, and how they had no place in a civilised society." I explained, bitterly.

Naomi stared at me, as I looked up at her, with sympathy in her eyes. She reached across the bench and took my hand in her own, squeezing it gently. "I'm sorry, that must have been hard for you to hear her say that."

"I knew then, that I could never tell her the truth. That she wouldn't ever be accepting of me for who I am."

"But, she's your mother, Emily. Surely she loves you unconditionally?"

I shook my head. "Not my mother. She holds extremely conservative and traditional values. Until that point... I had planned on telling her, just like the rest of my family. But at that moment... I knew that I never could. It was the one thing I would have to keep from her."

The stool Naomi sat in scraped across the tiles as she stood up and moved behind me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and holding my with a comfortable tightness that I relaxed into, almost immediately. I rested my hand on top of hers and gently stroked my thumb across the back of it. She kisses my temple, and continues to hold me as I let out a shaky, uneven breath.

"I can't imagine how hard that must be for you, Emily." Naomi said, softly. "But I'm sure there are other people in your life who accept you for who you are."

"There are." I said, my voice cracking slightly. "But it still bothers me."

Naomi released her hold around me and swivelled my chair around until I faced her. She lifted my head to make me look into her eyes. "You are who you are, Emily. Nothing will change that. I can't claim to speak for her, because I don't know her. So, I won't be trite and give you a whole bunch of stereotypes about a mother's love." She said. "But Emily... I know you are a beautiful person, with an eye for description that would make many people envious." I looked into her beautiful blue eyes, and pulled her closer to me, wrapping my arms around her and burying my head in her chest. She slid her arms back around me and gently stroked her fingers through my hair.

"See what I mean? You don't deserve this, Naomi. Any of it." I said, into her cleavage.

"Will you stop?" She said, pulling back and framing my face in her hands. "I don't care. I really don't." She added, leaning in to kiss me. Her lips were so tender against mine, my heart nearly broke. The movement of it was so gentle, it felt like it was smoothing out all the sharp edges that I'd felt surrounding me since I'd woken up in a cold sweat. "Listen... Do you have anything to do, today?"

I shook my head. "No, I really just planned on going home and going back to bed."

"Oh, no. That won't do at all." Naomi said, shaking her head. "You're coming with me."

"No, I don't thi-"

"I insist, Emily." Naomi said, gently. "Please? I promise I'll make it will make you feel better."

I sighed. "Alright."

Naomi smiled. "It'll be ok, you know." I looked at her, blankly. Her smile half faded. "You... You don't believe me?"

I shrugged. "Half the time I don't know what to believe, Naomi." I said, sadly. "It hasn't worked out that way for me so far."

"Oh, baby..." She said, pulling me close again. "If I could...would you let me show you?"

"Why?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm nothing, Naomi...you really shouldn't bother trying to help me." I mumbled. "I'm not worth it."

Her eyes met mine, shining blue and honest into my own. They were so clear, even with the confusion that I knew must be spinning through her mind. "You are worth it to me, Emily."

"I don't see why."

Naomi's hands moved up to my shoulders, and then she held up one finger. "Wait, one second. I'll be right back." She said, walking towards her room. She came back a few moments later, holding my journal. "I am sorry. I was only half truthful with you, about your poetry. I did finish reading it all. I couldn't stop, really. It was so good, I literally couldn't put it down until I'd finished."

I looked at the journal in her hands. "Why would you not tell me?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Honestly? I wanted to have the chance to read through it again before I gave it back to you." She explained. "I know you didn't give this to me lightly, Emily. I can tell from what is written in it that it is extremely personal to you, more so than the poetry you perform for drunken punters who really don't give a shit."

"I thought I was the only one who thought that." I said, quietly.

Naomi shook her head. "I think it's obvious to anyone who isn't one of them." She said. "Now you... Need a decent meal, and some cheering up. And I know just the place." She added, kissing me on the forehead.

"I'm not well dressed for a decent meal." I said, shrugging my shoulders, and looking at my own rather casual get up.

Naomi smiled. "Don't worry about that. There's no judgement where we are going. Just put your shoes on, and we will get going, yeah?"

I sighed, and then nodded. "Ok."

I went to put my shoes on, while Naomi cleared up the cups and plates. When I walked back out, she had already changed into a different pair of jeans and a clean shirt. She handed me my jacket, and then we left her flat, setting off for a destination only she knew.

* * *

**A/N#2: I wonder where Naomi is taking her?**

**I guess we will have to wait to find out, no?**

**Reviews welcome...**

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


	8. Comfort Food

**A/N: Cheers for the reviews and such. It's good yo know people are still reading this, in spite of the tour-de-gloom it has become lately. I can't guarantee that there won't be more of it, but there is less of it in this chapter, which has a dose of cheer in it, in the form of one Gina Campbell, which I bet GloryMorgan is squeeing over right about now...lol**

**(And maybe a few more of you!)**

**I'd like to give a plug to marsupial1974, who has finally begun posting her story 'The Road To Wimbledon', after much pestering over twitter for both myself and GloryMorgan. It's got tennis, it's got Naomily, and it's really quite lovely so far... what more could you ask for?**

**Ok, on with it, then...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. Macaroni and cheese is awesome, and is not responsible for any typos in this chapter.**

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**(Naomi POV)**

I could tell that Emily felt out of place wearing my clothes, but really, I'd somehow have felt bad if I hadn't offered to lend her some. I guess my mum instilled that in me after all, to show kindness when necessary...that and having to look after Effy once or twice after bad dreams, well... Let's just say I'd had my fair share of experience at it.

"You still haven't told me where we are going." She said quietly as I held her hand in mine, as we walked through the somewhat quiet Sunday streets.

I smiled a little. "Don't worry, Emily. It's nothing bad. I promise."

"And it's going to cheer me up?" She asked, her voice sounded flat, but I could also hear just a faint glimmer of something hopeful in it. I wish it didn't tear at me so much, but it does.

I stopped for a moment, and turned towards her. "If I didn't think it would, I wouldn't have suggested it. I just want to show you something, ok?"

She shrugged, and nodded, and I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her. It was the least I could do, because I didn't really know what to say, other than what I already had. I've been around Effy long enough to know when someone is depressed, and while I didn't know completely what was bothering Emily, the least I could do was try and cheer her up a little.

We continued walking, and soon enough we arrived at our destination, standing in front of the little corner house with the faded yellow door that I had grown up knowing.

"Here?" Emily asked, raising her eyebrow.

I nodded. "C'mon... You'll be ok here, I promise." I said, as I led her up the path and opened the door. "Anyone in?" I called, as I entered the hallway, Emily following behind me.

A head popped around the side of the hallway door, and my mum smiled at me. "Oh, hello love! I didn't expect you here today!" She said, cheerily. Trust Gina Campbell to greet you with a smile...

"Hi, mum." I said, walking forward to give her a hug. True to her form, she promptly bear-hugged the shit out of me, forcing the air from my lungs. "Oof! Mum!"

"Oh, you've brought a friend!" Mum said.

"Um, yeah... Mum this is Emily. Emily this is my mum." I said, introducing the two.

"Um...hi." Emily replied quietly, with a small smile. "Nice to meet you, Mrs-"

"Oh, call me Gina. I may be middle aged, love, but I'm by no means a Mrs just yet." Mum said, cheerily. "Come on through and I'll make us some tea." She said, walking to the kitchen.

I turned to Emily, who had a very uncertain expression on her face. "Are you...sure this is ok?" She asked. "I don't want to intrude or anything."

I smiled and nodded. "Emily, you're not intruding on anything, I promise. I brought you here because if there's anything that can make you feel better, it's a dose of Campbell cheer." I explained. "There's no judgement here, ok?"

Again, she shrugged, and followed mum into the kitchen.

The two of us sat down as Gina fussed around making tea.

"So, Emily...what do you do?" Gina asked, as she set a teapot on the table, followed by three cups.

"Um... I work for The Bristol Star." Emily said.

"Oh, as a reporter?"

"I guess so. Reviews mostly... Bands, movies, the occasional café review."

"I see." Gina replied. "Do you enjoy it?"

Emily shrugged. "Pays the bills, I suppose."

Gina busied herself pouring us both a cup of tea. "And how did the two of you meet?"

Emily hesitated a little, and looked at me. "Oh, uh... I was..uh..."

"...it was at the pub one night, I was covering a poetry night for the uni paper, mum." I said, and Emily looked at me gratefully.

"Oh, that's nice. You write poetry, Emily?"

She shrugged. "Just as a hobby."

"Sounds like a wonderful hobby, then." Gina said.

"She's actually very good at it, too." I said.

"Naomi..." Emily whispered. She looked at me warily as she blushed. I reached over and took her hand in mine, squeezing it gently.

"It's ok, Emily." I said.

Gina watched the both of us carefully, and then noticed what Emily was wearing. "Is that your shirt? The one I gave you when we went to that protest. when you were thirteen?"

"Ah...yeah." I said, before looking at Emily. "D'you mind if I tell her?" Emily looked between the two of us warily, and then shook her head slightly. "Emily had a bit of a bad dream last night. She needed to borrow a change of clothes, so I lent her some."

"Oh, I see." Gina replied, nodding understandingly. "Well, that's no good... I expect you need a bit of a pick-me-up after that, then?"

"It's why I brought her here, mum." I replied.

"I told her she didn't have to, I could have just gone home. I don't want to trouble anyone..." Emily said, quietly.

"Oh, hush dear. It's no trouble, honestly!" Gina smiled. "I tell you what... If you don't mind hanging around for a little while, I can fix you both some lunch."

Emily shrugged. "If you are sure it's no bother."

"Not at all, love! Any friend of Naomi's is welcome here, I'd be glad to have you stay." Gina said, standing up and looking in the pantry. "Ah, I know just the thing!" She said, reaching for a packet of pasta. "Why don't the two of you take your tea into the backyard, and I'll let you know when it's ready?"

"Sounds good." I said. "C'mon, Emily." I said, standing up and picking up my mug.

I went to the back door and opened it, stepping out on to the back patio, which was surrounded, as always, by neatly trimmed shrubbery. I wandered over to the deck chairs that flanked the little coffee table that mum had placed out here for the occasional al fresco cups of tea we used to enjoy when I was a teenager. I placed my cup onto the table and sat down, Emily following slightly behind me. "Take a seat." I said, and she tentatively sat down, placing her own mug on the table next to mine. She stared out into the garden, taking in her surroundings.

"Um... I hope you don't mind, that I told mum about this morning."

Emily shook her head. "I'm not proud of it."

"I know, but... she understands." I replied.

"She does?"

"Yes."

"You?" She asked, looking at her feet.

"No." I replied. "Effy. She stayed here a from time to time when we were in college... And one of those times, she had a nightmare."

"Oh." Emily replied. "I'm really sorry about that, by the way."

I shook my head. "No need to be sorry, I told you."

Emily sighed, and leaned back in the deck chair, closing her eyes. "I can't believe it happened. I _never_ meant for you to... Shit." She mumbled.

Her voice was so small, so broken sounding, it again tugged at my heart. My brow furrowed as I thought for a moment, and then stood up, finishing my tea. "Come on, I want to show you something. To take your mind off all this."

Emily looked up at me with sadness in her beautiful brown eyes. "You _can't_, you know. It's always there. Hiding. Waiting to get me. I let my guard down and it filters in." She said, the low tone of her words definite, almost absolute.

"Don't think I won't try." I said, holding my hand out. "Now, come on!" Reluctantly, she took my hand and I led her back inside. I popped my head around the kitchen door. "Mum, we're just going upstairs for a bit."

"Ok, love! I'll give you a yell when this is ready." Gina replied.

"Thanks." I said, as I led Emily upstairs. We stopped in front of my old bedroom door, and I turned the knob, pushing the door open. It creaked slightly, but then it always had done so, even when mum tried to oil the hinges. I told her butter wasn't the best choice of lubricant, but she didn't listen... What film did she think she was in, Last Tango In Paris?

"Your room?" Emily asked.

"Mmhmm." I nodded, leading her inside. I sat on the end of the bed as I watched her, looking around the room wide-eyed. "Go ahead...take a look around. Don't be shy."

"You don't mind?"

I shook my head. "Not at all. I want you to."

I kicked my shoes off and crossed my legs as I watched Emily look through the titles in my old bookshelf, classic literature, mostly, but with the odd political textbook thrown in for good measure. Her finger ran over the spines of the few CD cases that were also on the shelf. "Smashing Pumpkins?" She asked, pulling out one of them.

"Uh, yeah... That's one of my favourite albums, actually."

She ran her fingertip across the cover. "_Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness._" She said, softly. "I've never heard it."

"You can borrow it, if you like." I said.

She looked at me curiously. "Are you sure?"

"So long as I get it back in one piece, yeah." I laughed. "Honestly. I know the album backwards, you're more than welcome to borrow it. I'm sure you'd enjoy it."

"Uhm...ok." She said, sitting down next to me. She paused briefly, before she spoke again. "Why are you doing this? Why are you being so good to me?"

"You know I like you, Emily." I said.

"I know, but... You shouldn't. There are plenty of girls out there who aren't so..._damaged_." She said, hesitating before finding a word to describe herself. "You shouldn't take pity on me, I don't deserve it. I'm not worth your time. You have a good heart, you should be with someone who isn't as fucked up as I am." She added, quietly.

"I'm not taking pity on you, Emily. I want to help you. I know we haven't known each other long, but I do care about you a lot."

"I don't know why. I told you I was trouble. I'm not good to anyone like this."

I took her hand in mine. "Emily...stop."

"_Why?_ It's the _truth_, isn't it? All I do is drag people down. _That's_ why I'm living by myself, because Katie couldn't stand me anymore. She wanted me to move out because I was driving her crazy with being fine one day, then being up shit creek the next." Emily said, the string of words pouring from her lips. "I do it to _everyone_, Naomi." She whispered. "You'd be wise to run _far_ away from me."

"And what if I don't want to?" I said. "Don't I get a say in it?"

Emily sighed, and then looked up at me with sad eyes. "Are you always so bloody _fucking_ stubborn? I'm _trying_ to save you the heartache of knowing me. Not the outside that everyone else sees, but the inside part of me that spends half its time screaming for peace and the other half crying in the fucking corner. Don't you bloody _understand_ that?!" She said, her tone a mix of irritation, fear and sadness that tore at me.

I stared at her for a moment, and then uncrossed my legs and crawled behind her, placing my legs outside her own and wrapping my arms around her waist, pulling her close and leaning my head on her shoulder. "I _do_ understand that." I whispered, softly. "But you need to understand that it _doesn't matter_ to me. I will take every piece of you that I can get, Emily, good..._and_ bad. I'm not going to run away from you just because you have problems. Because they're a part of you, and if I want to know you, I have to take _everything_ about you. I can't just pick and choose."

"You're mad." Emily replied. "_Really_ fucking mad."

"Why?"

"Because you _don't_ need this. _Any_ of it."

I sighed softly. "I told you, you need to let me decide that for myself." I said. "I know you like me too, Emily, even if you hadn't told me, I think I'd know it."

"I do." Emily replied. "But I _don't_ want to hurt you, and I know I _will_. It's inevitable."

"We will see about that." I replied. "I know you don't want to hurt me. But I know you don't want to be hurting either. What's the point of being with someone if you can't accept their faults?"

Emily sighed as her fingers traced over the back of my hand, gently gripping it firmly in her own. "I really don't deserve you." She whispered. "I can't thank you enough."

"You don't have to, babe." I said, gently kissing her cheek. "I'm here for you, I mean that."

"I know."

"LUNCH IS READY!" Mum called from downstairs.

"Come on... Let's go eat something, and then we can decide what we are going to do after that."

"I should get home...after lunch."

"Alright." I replied, kissing her cheek softly, and getting up off my bed. I held my hand out to her, and she took it gently, allowing me to pull her up. I picked up the Smashing Pumpkins CD and turned to walk out of the room. She pulled me back, sliding her arm across my lower back and pulling me close. "Oh." I said, as I hugged her close to me. She slid her hand up behind my neck and leaned up to kiss me slowly, her lips moving tenderly against mine.

"You are special, Naomi." Emily said softly, once her lips had left mine. "I'll try and be better. That's all I can do."

"That's all anyone can ask of you, hun." I replied, framing her face in my hands. "If ever you need me... I'm just a phone call away."

She nodded. "I know."

"Now... Let's see what Gina has in store for us." I said, taking her hand and leading her out of my room, closing the door behind us.

I led Emily downstairs and back into the kitchen where Gina was placing a dish in the centre of the table. There were three plates set out, as well as knives and forks.

"So, mum...what did you make?"

"Only your favourite, love! I know it always cheers you up, and I figured Emily could do with a little comfort food as well."

I looked over at Emily, who smirked as she sat down. "And what would Naomi's favourite be?" She asked.

"Macaroni and cheese." I replied, with a smile.

"Oh, yum." She said, as I handed over a large spoon.

"Guests first. Go on, Emily, dig in." Gina said, cheerily.

I watched as she spooned out a large helping onto the plate in front of her, and then handed the spoon to me. I did the same, and then Gina followed. Emily picked up her fork and poked around a couple of pieces of macaroni before taking a bite. "Mmm, this is really good. Thank you, Gina." She said, once she had finished her mouthful.

"You're welcome, dear. So...what do you two have planned for the rest of the day?"

"Um...we hadn't actually decided, yet." Emily replied.

"Oh, well, I'm sure you will find something to do! Plenty of options on a Sunday afternoon!" Gina said, cheerily.

"I'm sure we can find something to do." I said, before eating a mouthful of macaroni. "Oh, this is delicious as always, mum...thanks."

Gina smiled. "My pleasure. You really should come around more often."

"I was here yesterday!" I laughed.

"Yes, true... You did drop in unexpectedly..."

"Oh, I'm sorry if we were intru-" Emily said, before Gina gently cut her off.

"Not at all, Emily." She said, with a smile. "Naomi may have moved out, but she's always welcome here. And so are her friends."

"Honestly, Em, I do it all the time." I said.

"She does. Really." Gina agreed, nodding as she ate another forkful of macaroni. Emily looked between the two of us, and giggled softly, shaking her head. I broke into a wide grin, glad that a smile had returned to her beautiful features.

"I didn't ask...what do you do, Gina?" Emily asked.

"I work at the Bristol food bank, boxing up parcels for the less fortunate." Gina said.

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Oh, yes." Gina smiled. "It's very rewarding."

"Mum's always had a thing about helping those in need." I explained.

"There's always someone who can use a helping hand, Naomi." Gina added.

I nodded. "I know."

We continued chatting through our meal, and Emily even had a second helping of macaroni, which says a lot about Gina's cooking, really. Whenever I felt down, she would always make me macaroni and cheese, it was warm, homey and comforting, not to mention tasty. It always cheered me up, so I knew when she told us what we were having that it would have the same effect on Emily. It turns out I was right, because by the time Gina was clearing up the plates, Emily looked much more like she had cheered up a bit.

Her phone rang,and she excused herself to answer it, stepping out of the kitchen. Gina sat down across from me. "She's special to you?"

I nodded. "Yeah, she is. After this morning, I wasn't sure what to do, so I brought her here. I hope you don't mind."

Gina shook her head. "I think you did the right thing, love. She looks much better than when she walked in."

"I know." I said. "She's not always so..." I paused, trying to find the right word.

"She has issues, though." Gina said.

I nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"Listen, love... I know I raised you to be a caring, strong individual, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me a little proud that you are trying to help her... But just be careful, ok?"

"I know, mum." I said. "She's warned me off enough as it is, and I fear it won't be the last time. But I can't _not_, mum. In spite of her faults, she is a beautiful person. She writes the most beautiful poetry. And... I think I'm in love with her."

"Oh?"

I nodded. "She's...a bit more than a friend, I guess."

"I'd have to be blind not to see that, love." Gina laughed.

"Yeah...you always were cluey."

Gina smiled, as Emily came back into the kitchen. "Sorry, that was my sister. I have to go, she's at my place." She said, apologetically.

"Oh, that's a shame. I've quite enjoyed your company, Emily." Gina beamed. "Make sure Naomi brings you around again soon."

"Oh, I'm sure I will." I smiled, as I stood up. "See you later, mum." I said, leaning down to give her a hug.

"Bye, love."

"It was lovely to meet you, Gina." Emily said, nodding politely.

"Likewise, Emily. Don't be a stranger." She replied, with a smile.

The two of us left mum's house, and started off down the street.

"Bloody Katie." Emily muttered.

"What does she want?" I asked, threading my fingers through Emily's. She squeezed my hand tightly as we walked together.

"Probably to whine about a crap date she had with some meathead loser." Emily said, with contempt in her voice. She stopped and took a deep breath, closing her eyes and tilting her head backwards. She tiled it back and opened her eyes, turning to look up at ma. "I'm sorry. I'm snapping at you, and I shouldn't be."

I raised her hand and kissed the back of it. "It's alright. I understand."

She shook her head. "I don't know how you haven't run yet. Really."

I simply smiled at her. "C'mon... Better not keep her waiting."

"Ugh, I could gladly keep her waiting forever." Emily mumbled, as we kept walking. We got to the end of Emily's street and she stopped. "Shit, my clothes are still at yours." She said, her hand slapping against her forehead. "Can I... I suppose I'll have to come round and pick them up later...if that's alright with you?"

"Sure." I said. "Just let me know when you're on your way."

"Emily!" A woman who from this distance looked identical to Emily - save for the hair colour - called from outside Emily's flat. "C'mon, loser, I've been out here for ages!" I raised my eyebrow.

Emily bit her bottom lip gently. "I'd...better go." She said. "I'll see you later?"

"You bet." I said, leaning in and hugging Emily close. I kissed her temple and felt her hug me tightly.

"Thank you...for today. It really means a lot." She said, as she nodded.

"Anytime, hun." I replied, as I relaxed my embrace around her. I handed her the CD. "Whenever you're ready to give this back to me...there's no rush." She nodded. "I'll see you later." I said, kissing her lips softly.

I watched her as she turned and walked away, meeting her sister and then letting the two of them into her flat. I then turned around, and started my own journey home.

* * *

**A/N#2: And that is where we leave the story for this chapter.**

**I think Gina and Naomi succeeded in making Emily feel a little better, no?**

**Reviews welcome, as always.**

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


	9. Something I Can Never Have

**A/N: This is not a happy chapter. Feel free to skip it if you feel like reading something fluffy.**

**Major Angst Warning™.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. Whatever. Any and all typos, blah blah blah.**

* * *

**(Emily POV)**

"Who was that?" Katie asked, as she followed me into my flat.

"A friend." I replied, tossing my keys in the dish by the door.

"Friend? What sort of friend? I know all your friends, and I've never seen her before!"

I shrugged. "What do you want, Katie?" I asked, somewhat tired after the day I'd had. All I wanted was a moment to myself, and now I had my sister in my face. Not that I didn't love her, you understand... But she had a habit of showing up at the most inopportune time, with the most inconsequential bullshit.

"Do I need an excuse to visit my little sister?" She asked. I stared at her, seeing through her question. She hesitated before her shoulders slumped. "Ok... I had a fight with Danny. I just needed some sister time. Is that too much to ask?"

I walked to the sofa and sat down. "Right, so is this the point where you make me tell you what a wonderful guy he is? Katie, I can't even say that with a straight face anymore."

"But, Em-"

"_No_, Katie. If he's being a cunt to you, just dump the loser already." I sighed. "You deserve so much better than him."

Katie sighed and sat down next to me. "What's wrong with you, then?" She asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Why are you asking when you don't care?" I asked.

"Of course I care, bitch!" Katie snapped back.

I sighed. "Just leave it, Katie... It's nothing you haven't heard before."

"Oh, right. Still going through that phase, then, huh? Babes, it was cute at seventeen, but you really need to get out there and find a blo-"

"Katie!" I said, cutting her off. "It's NOT a _fucking_ phase! What part of '_I'M GAY_' do you not understand? Or do I have to dive some muff in front of you to fucking prove it?!"

Katie stared at me in shock. "You're serious with this, aren't you?"

I huffed. "As serious as fucking _cancer_. Look, if you're going to be a pain, would you just go? I really can't handle your shit right now." I said, closing my eyes and leaning my head against the back of the sofa. I heard movement beside me, and then footsteps moving away from me, and then the click of the front door as it closed. Opening my eyes, I found myself alone.

"_Perfect_." I muttered to myself. "Can't even be bothered to stay and fight with me."

I looked at the CD that Naomi lent me, sitting on the coffee table. I thought for a moment about listening to it, but quickly concluded I was in no mood to be open minded about new music. I stood up and went over to the stereo, my fingers landing on the first CD on the top of the pile, opening the case and then pushing the button to open the CD tray. I pulled the disc out of its cover, and placed it on the tray, pushing the button so it closed. I skipped to the track I wanted, set it to repeat, and turned up the volume.

As I laid back down on the couch and closed my eyes, the gentle, yet melancholy echoing, repetitive piano tones that I knew so well filling the room. The sounds of steam that served as the songs percussion started up as the voice singing became filled with plaintive emotion. I knew the words of it backwards, it was so simple, yet such a painful lyric, but it matched my mood completely, and I found myself becoming more lost in it as the strain in the voice increased, into a more tortured expression.

Over and over I listened to the song, letting the anger and pain of it filter through me, as an odd form of catharsis that was easier than breaking something, or even writing something at this point. I was wallowing in sorrow, and I bloody well knew it, and didn't much care, either.

And my sorrow was my own fault. My twisted fucked up mind had exposed a part of me that I didn't want anyone to know about, and it cut me so deeply, that I didn't know what to do. I had no idea why Naomi had tried to help me, and I pitied myself that it was even necessary for her to try and do so. I didn't deserve her as a friend, and I wasn't sure I was fit for anything more with her, even though I liked her a lot and wanted it. It felt like I was diving into something head first, but instead of it being a pool of clear water, it was a murky swamp that I couldn't see the bottom of, unable to gauge the depth.

By the fifteenth or sixteenth time the song had played, I pulled myself up off the sofa and switched the CD player off. It was just sound, now. The words that meant so much didn't really make sense anymore, at least not for today. But I had realised something... In the midst of my turmoil, Naomi, for all her attempts at cheering me up, did, in a sense, make it all go away.

I spent the rest of the afternoon moping about my flat, I did some laundry and cleaned up a bit, in an effort to distract myself. It was a vain effort, but I still tried anyway. Tomorrow was Monday, after all, and as much as I was knee deep in my own problems, I had to bloody work tomorrow. By the time it started to get dark, I was partway through a bottle of vodka that was in the freezer. I probably shouldn't have been drinking, but fuck it, I needed some peace before I went completely crazy. But even the alcohol wasn't helping, it just made the sick feeling in my stomach become amplified, and I decided to go for a walk to clear my head. I finished the rest of the glass and stood up, swaying slightly as I did so, putting the vodka back into the freezer. I grabbed my keys and locked the door behind me as I left barely making it down my front steps. Ok, maybe too much vodka, then.

So, I started walking. I pulled the hood of my jacket up over my head and shoved my hands in my pockets, the alcohol heightening the sensation of the awkward movement of my limbs as I walked. My head was spinning, and I was almost on the verge of breaking down, my anguish feeling like a lump in my throat that I couldn't dislodge, no matter how hard I tried to swallow it down. I wasn't even entirely sure where I was headed, but the preoccupation with making sure my feet landed steadily at least slightly distracted me from my own mind. But there was still that tiny voice at the back of it, spouting the same mantra I'd been hearing for years now.

_You are truly nothing._

_You won't ever __**be**__ anything._

_You are so __**fucked up**__, Emily. No one will __**ever**__ truly love you because of that._

Yeah, that last one was Katie's little piece of wisdom as she left the flat, the day she moved out. _Nice_, huh? I doubt she event remembered saying it. But me... I never forgot anything. It's always the shitty things people say that stick with you, no? We barely remember the praise that people bestow on us, or if you're like me, it just rubs at you the wrong way, even if you know deep inside how brilliant you are at something. It's much easier to remember the negative, it almost feels right to do so, whereas the good things people say get swallowed by your own misconception of just how good you really are. That was what happened that night. That's what put me into this dark hole that was so overwhelmingly pitch black that I couldn't see a way out of it. Not even a sliver of light in the darkness that served a guiding purpose.

At least...not since Naomi had left that afternoon. As dreadful as I felt, I did feel a little bit lighter around her, and I suppose that's why I eventually found myself standing outside her flat. Somehow I'd managed to remember the way there, I don't know if it was my mind playing tricks on me or what.

I stood there for what felt like a long time, trying to talk myself out of knocking on the door. Naomi didn't need my bullshit... She was a happy enough person it seemed, and I really, really didn't want to drag her into my mess. She was too good for it, and I was no good for anyone, and especially not her. I turned to walk back down the steps, when the door opened behind me. _Fuck._ I turned around to see a brunette leaning against the doorframe, eyeing me curiously.

"Um..." I said, not sure what to say.

The brunette smirked at me slightly. "You...must be Emily."

"Ah... Yeah." I said, slurring slightly, seeing as there was still a large amount of vodka in my bloodstream.

"And you're here to see Naomi." She said, matter-of-factly.

I opened my mouth, but the response of 'no, it's fine, I'll come back later' which I had intended to say wasn't managing to break past my teeth anytime soon. I closed my mouth again and sighed, nodding.

"Come in." The brunette said, standing aside to let me in. I hesitated, and then walked inside. "I'm Effy, by the way."

I nodded in reply. "Yeah, Freddie's girlfriend, right?"

"Yeah." Effy replied. "Naomi's in her room. Don't mind me, I'm about to go out. Go on through."

I managed a weak smile. "Thanks."

Effy nodded, and left me standing there. I walked down the hall and stood in front of Naomi's door. I sighed, because my mind was hesitating to tell my arm to lift itself up and knock. But, it seemed my body knew by instinct what it wanted, and the hollow sound of soft knocking reached my ears, as I registered the contact on my knuckles. The door handle rattled, and then the door itself swung open.

"Effy, I've told you, you don't have to kno- _Oh_. Emily." She said, with a surprised smile on her face. It quickly faded, though once she took in my expression. She took my hand and gently pulled me into the room, closing the door behind us. She led me to the bed and sat me down, sitting next to me and holding my hand in her own. "Are you alright?"

I swallowed hard, trying to fight back the flood, but it was useless. I was going to break, and once again I was going to do it in front of the only person who could mean something good to me. You fucking idiot, Emily.

"It's all dark." I said, almost choking on my words.

"What is?" She whispered.

"_Everything_." I said. "Everything is dark... But you... You are the light." Tears began to slide down my cheeks. It's a really horrible feeling when you are trying your hardest not to crack, but the tears just slip out of the cracks that are already there, spilling down like little rivers of sadness. I laid back onto her bed, unable to stop my drunken emotions from flooding out. So, I lay there, my eyes screwed shut and salty tears trickling down my temples and into my ears.

I felt Naomi lie back next to me, her arm sliding across my stomach, holding me as I cried. Out of instinct, I turned onto my side and curled into a ball, and she pulled me closer to her, gently stroking her fingers through my hair as I sobbed into her chest.

_I'm such a fuck up._

But, fuck up or not, she still held me as I cried. And that was the sympathetic nature that Naomi seemed to have. She was already taking care of me, as though we had been together for ages. She just knew how to make it better, even if only by a little. I couldn't explain why, but she was functioning as the calm in my personal storm. The logical part of me was grateful for it, but the emotional side was a total wreck over it.

_I thought I was stronger than this._

I lay in her arms for a very long time, I don't know exactly how long... It could have been minutes, or hours, but, being half drunk, my sense of time was all fucked up anyway.

"You don't deserve this." I finally croaked. "I don't understand how you want to be with me when I can't function properly."

"Oh, Emily... I know there is much more to you than your mood right now... I like you for who you are."

"Yeah, but you can't say that this is much fun. I'm a fucking mess."

"You aren't always, though." She said softly. "You are also a wonderful, talented person. I know you have a big heart, too." I exhaled a shaky breath against her neck. She pulled back from me and wiped the tears from my cheeks with her thumbs, looking into my eyes. "You've been drinking?"

I blinked hard and nodded. "Just a little." I said. "I'm sorry."

"Bit hard not to notice, hun... The smell of vodka is a bit of a giveaway."

"Yeah well... I went for a walk to clear my head and somehow ended up here. Sorry if I'm barging in." I explained.

"Oh..." Naomi said, kissing my forehead softly. "I'd never think that you were barging in at all. I'm glad you came."

"Why? I'm a drunken blubbering mess." I said, sadly.

"True, but you're my friend. And even drunken and blubbering... I don't let my friends down when they need a shoulder to cry on." She said.

"I don't deserve you." I muttered.

"So you keep telling me." Naomi replied.

"I just want something I can never have." I said, echoing the words of the song that had become so well-known to me, it felt like it was part of my bloodstream.

"And what's that?" Naomi asked, softly.

I sighed, deeply. "To be able to be with you and not drag you down with me. I'll do it, Naomi. It wouldn't be a conscious thing, but it happens with everyone I know."

"What if I told you I was different?"

"I _know_ you are different. You wouldn't want to give up on me, and that's _why_ I'll drag you down. I'm just poison, Naomi... I'm like that dark bottle with a skull and crossbones painted on it."

"I don't believe that for a second." She replied, kissing my forehead. "You have problems, but then, so does everybody."

"Yeah."

"Why won't you let me help you, baby?" She asked, her eyes meeting mine. I saw the concern in them, and it nearly broke what I felt was left of me.

"I'm a lost cause, that's why." I whispered. "I'm just no good."

"You can't honestly believe that?"

I looked into her eyes, and saw the concern in them as she registered the coldness that I knew was in my own.

"Oh." She whispered, as her brow furrowed.

I sat up, and ran my hands over my face to get rid of the moisture. Naomi sat up next to me and put her arm around my shoulder. But it didn't feel right, at least not to me... It felt as uncomfortable as the coldness inside me felt. It all felt so wrong. I shrunk away, and couldn't stop the next words that came from my lips.

"Can I have my journal back, please?"

"Um... Sure." She said, standing up and moving to the bedside table to pick it up. She handed it to me as I stood up, and I placed it into the pocket of my hoodie.

"Thanks." I whispered. It felt so wrong to be here with her... I just had to leave. I looked up at her, and she looked back at me, with worry in her eyes, as well as pity... Or maybe sympathy, I wasn't quite sure. Either way, I didn't like the way it made me feel. If I'd felt cold inside before, i had just been pushed into mountainous territory, complete with jagged rocks, snow and ice. She lifted her hand to cup my cheek, but I shied away from it. "Don't." I whispered. Her brow furrowed in confusion, but she dropped her hand anyway. "I'm sorry." I said, and turned to the door, opening it.

"Emily..." She said, and I turned to look at her questioning eyes.

I simply shook my head and walked out of the room, closing the door behind me. I made my way out of the flat, too choked up to even say goodbye to her flatmate as I left.

* * *

**A/N#2: More eventually. The song Emily listens to is 'Something I Can Never Have' by Nine Inch Nails, from the album Pretty Hate Machine, if anyone wishes to listen.**

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


	10. I Care About You

**A/N: I spent literally six hours last night writing the next chapter of TI... Don't get too excited, I averaged less than one paragraph per hour in that time, but it's near the end of the chapter... But didn't have the inspiration to finish it today.**

**I had this chapter in my head instead, so here it is. I know the last chapter was a major angst hit, which is great for those of you who like a bit of tension, but the rest of you are probably scratching your head thinking "what's going on, Nomesy?", and I will admit, reading back the first two chapters if this story, it has not gone how I envisioned it to begin with. I still have not written a plan for it, because I'm a procrastinating motherfucker.**

**Not absolutely everything I write is all smut and happiness, unfortunately. I think I proved that writing Dousing The Fire months ago when an amateurish TV writer decided to fuck us all over and break our hearts. Yes, I'm still bitter, and I think I always will be. Am I right? Can I get a 'hell yeah'?**

**Anyway... I guess what I want to say is, I know this fic has had more dark than light moments lately, and while this chapter is a little bit lighter, I cannot guarantee there will not be more darkness to come. Sometimes, I'm just...dark. Whatever.**

**Plus... In all honesty, the last chapter literally would not leave me alone until I wrote it.**

**Right, all that said, I'll just get on with it. Emily's still a mess... The rest...eh, just read it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. Or the characters. Anyone who says fan fiction is 'lazy' writing can go fuck themselves. If fan fiction can spawn crap like fifty shades of grey (not a comment on fic itself, but FSOG was really lousy. I swear if I read the line "oh my" and references to Ana's inner goddess ever again, it will be too soon. And I could probably write better smut in my sleep) , then it's not THAT bad, is it? Besides, there are several fics I've read which I would by no means EVER class as 'lazy' writing. We can cheer you up and rip your heart out just like the 'professionals' can... Any and all typos are a complete and utter fabrication of your imagination!**

* * *

**(Naomi POV)**

There was something that just _didn't_ sit right with me after Emily had left my bedroom. Something about the look in her eyes, filled with such pain and darkness. It gave me a feeling of fear in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't help it, I opened the door and went out after her, dashing through the flat and opening the front door. I ran down the steps and looked in every direction... but she was already gone.

I sighed to myself. "_Jesus_, Emily..."

I walked back up the front steps to find Effy leaning against the door. "She left quickly. Was it something you said?"

I looked at my best friend, shaking my head. "I wish I knew." I said, walking indoors. I went back into my room and picked up my mobile, searching my contacts for Emily's number, and calling it, crossing the room to sit on the sofa. It rang a few times, and then went straight to voicemail.

"_Hi, you've reached Emily Fitch. I'm unable to come to the phone right now, so leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can._"

I frowned, but left a message anyway. "Emily... It's Naomi. Listen, I'm worried about you, will you please call me as soon as you get this? I just want to talk to you. Bye."

"Not picking up?" Effy asked, sitting next to me on the sofa.

"No." I sighed. "Effy, I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean?"

"She's not happy. I don't know why... But I just feel like she is pushing me away."

"Maybe she doesn't like you?"

"No, she does... I mean, she's told me she does. But almost in the same breath, she tells me she's fucked up, and I should steer clear of her." I explained. "She's confusing me a bit, honestly."

"And you really like her." Effy said, in her matter-of-fact way.

I nodded. "Yeah, I do." I said, softly. "I just... I want to help her, if I can, but... I can't if she won't let me. And I don't think she wants to let me. She's just become so... Distant. Like she's angry at something, but instead of her raging about it, she's just in this deep, dark place, and I can't do anything about it."

"Have you tried talking to her about what she's feeling?"

"I was _**trying**_, Eff!" I said, impatiently. "But she left before I got a chance to really listen to her."

"Well...what did she say?"

I thought for a moment. "She said that everything is dark... And I am the light."

"Anything else?"

I nodded. "She also said she was poison...that she would drag me down and she doesn't want that to happen." I said, quietly. "She says she is a lost cause. What's more, I think she really believes it."

"Oh, that's _never_ good." Effy said.

"I know. Here I was thinking I'd cheered her up after this morning... I guess I was wrong about that."

"This morning?" Effy asked. "What happened this morning?"

"Between you, me and the coffee table?" I asked.

"Of course."

I sighed. "She woke up from a bad dream. I think it was more a nightmare, though. She woke me up because she was fidgeting... And when I finally managed to wake her up, she was soaked in sweat. She looked like she had seen a ghost."

"Oh." Effy said.

"Yeah. I made her take a shower after that. Reluctantly..."

"And after that?"

I sighed. "I took her to see Gina." I said. "I thought it might help her, y'know? To get a dose of cheeriness... I think it even worked, for a bit... And then... Her sister called, and she had to go. I walked her home and came back here... The next thing she was knocking on my door, half drunk."

"You feel like she's shutting you out?"

"Shutting me out, warning me off... She's all but screaming at me to fuck off... But, I don't think she wants me to." I said. "At least...I hope not. I haven't done anything wrong, except offer her an ear, and my friendship."

"Or something more." Effy added.

I shrugged. "Maybe. I mean, it would be nice. There's chemistry there, and all... She's just so broken, and I don't know how to help her." I said. "I don't know whether to go over there and try to talk to her, or whether it would just do more harm. I hate this feeling, this...fragility."

"You feel like you're walking on eggshells around her?"

"I guess so. I don't want to push her, in case it makes her feel worse. But I feel like she needs to talk to someone. I just wish I could help her." I said. "I'm really worried about her, Eff."

"People sometimes need a push... And they do stupid things when they are drunk." She said, softly, as she looked into my eyes. "She probably shouldn't be alone."

I dialled Emily's number again, and again it went to voicemail.

"Fucking voicemail again." I muttered, standing up. "Fuck it, I'm going over there."

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Naoms?"

I shrugged, picking up the small bag I put Emily's clothes into after I had washed them. "I don't know, Eff. But I can't sit here and do nothing, it's driving me nuts." I said, as I opened the front door and walked out of the flat.

* * *

It was dark by the time I got to Emily's. I'd tried her phone again on the way, but it still went straight to voicemail.

"Emily, I don't know if you are listening to these and just ignoring me, but I'm coming over, because you won't answer your phone. I'll be around shortly."

All it did was make me more worried, on the verge of panic that she might do something stupid. I knew what Effy was like when she got bad, I know Emily didn't hear voices like Effy did, at least not while she was lucid, but I know there were things that were troubling her, even if she didn't want to talk to me about them.

Once I got there, the windows were dark, but I could hear music coming from inside, so I knew there had to be somebody there. I walked up the stairs and knocked on the door.

"_Emily!_"

I waited about thirty seconds and then knocked again, calling her name louder. "_Emily!_ It's Naomi. Please... I just want to talk to you."

"If she answers, get her to turn that bloody music down. It's been going full blast with the same song half the afternoon and all bloody night so far!" One of the neighbours said, from the house next door.

I smiled politely. "I'll see what I can do." I turned back to the door and banged on it harder. "**_EMILY!_** Will you _please_ just answer the door?"

Another thirty seconds passed before I heard the click of the lock on the front door, and then...nothing. I reached for the door handle and twisted it, feeling the mechanism open. I pushed the door open, into the darkened flat, the music still blaring from the stereo. There was a single candle that was burning in a high-walled glass on the coffee table. It was scented, filling the room with a tropical, fruity scent. Peach, or mango... Not sure. Emily was lying on the sofa, facing the backrest, half curled up into a ball. There was a nearly empty bottle of vodka on the table, and her poetry journal was open next to it. But some of the pages had been torn out, and ripped up. I walked over to the stereo and turned the volume down.

"_Don't_." Came a weak, husky voice from the sofa.

"Your neighbours are complaining." I said, carefully walking towards the sofa. I placed the bag onto the table, then kneeled down next to it, reaching out and placing my hand on Emily's shoulder. "Emily..."

"Go away." She said, sounding so very broken. It tore at my heart to hear her that way.

"No." I said, softly. "I'm worried about you, babe."

"I don't want you to see me like this." Emily mumbled.

I sighed, squeezing her shoulder. "Emily... You woke up sweating in my bed this morning looking like you'd seen something awful. You've already tried to push me away twice today, and I think I can say it's _not_ exactly having the effect you want." I said, gently. "I'm _not_ going _anywhere_ until you talk to me."

"_Why?_" She asked. "I've already told you I'm bad for you."

"Hey..." I said, trying to make her turn around. "Emily... _Please..._ turn over and look at me."

She shook her head, the candlelit glow of her red hair moving as through it were passed by a gentle breeze. "Go home, Naomi. _Please_."

"I _can't_." I said. "If I do, I'll-"

"It's _easy_, Naomi." She said, louder and a little more flatly. "You get up, open my front door, walk out of it, shut it behind you. Then you _walk away_. Just... Fuck off and save yourself the trouble." Her last words had an edge to them, and they were slightly slurred, so I knew she was still a bit drunk, if not more so, judging by the lack of the majority of vodka in the bottle on the table.

I huffed. "Emily, if I leave here, as you're asking me to, all I will do is worry all night that you are ok. That you don't do something stupid you can't take back later."

"You couldn't stop me if I wanted to." Her voice was so hollow, and it scared me.

"I'd bloody well try." I replied, my words belying the fear I was feeling. "I _don't care_, Emily. Talk to me, _don't_ talk to me. Yell at me, _scream_ at me, tell me what a _cunt_ you think I am for not leaving you alone... I'm **_not_** going **_anywhere_**, because I _care_ about you, do you _understand_ me?"

She turned over, finally, and looked into my eyes with brown, watery, sad ones. "_Why?_" She whispered. "Why can't you just do as I ask?"

I stared into her eyes with my own. "Because if I was on my sofa pissed out of my brain scaring you, you wouldn't leave me alone either." I said, softly stroking my fingers through her fringe. "And, I don't think you really _want_ me to go."

She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes, a large, lone tear. slipping out the side and down her cheek. Her fingers linked with mine and she weakly gripped my hand. "I don't know what to do." She whispered, reaching for my shirt and pulling me closer.

"I know you don't, baby." I said, softly, as I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

"I'm...so _broken_...and I don't know _what_ to do..." She mumbled, her words dissolving into sobs that wracked her body as she buried her face into my chest. What more could I do, but hold her as she cried? Once she had calmed down a little, she took a long sniffle and then looked at me. "Why are you here? You must have somewhere you'd _rather_ be, other than here dealing with fucked up me..."

I shook my head. "No." I said. "I am _right_ where I _need_ to be."

"Oh yeah?" She said, sarcastically. "You'd rather hang out with someone who doesn't even want to be around themselves?"

I tried to keep myself calm, knowing that in a normal, sober state, Emily wouldn't say this to me. "I would rather _help_ a friend in need, than to stand aside and watch them crumble."

"_Again_." Emily added. "To watch them crumble _again_. I warn you, it's even less attractive than the first time."

I stood up. "Come on..." I said, pulling Emily up so she was sitting rather than lying on the sofa. "I'm taking you to bed."

Emily laughed, but it was dull, humourless. "I'm not shagging you."

I raised my eyebrow. "I never said anything about us having sex, Emily. But you could do with being a little more coherent, and sleep is good for that."

"Oh... Huh... _Sensible_, then."

I nodded. "Yes."

"**_Booooooring_**." She said, slurring her words before giggling. It made me smirk a little, because even though I knew Emily was having trouble, seeing her this drunk was sort of adorable. "Uhm..." She added, biting her bottom lip. "...you...might need to help me, I'm a bit drunk."

"Hadn't noticed, really." I said, keeping it light, as I pulled her arm over my shoulder and stood up with her. "C'mon, drunky... Let's get you into bed."

We made it to her room, and I pulled back the duvet on her bed, sitting her down. Emily sat patiently as I went back into the sitting room to make sure the candle was blown out before going back into her room. I went over to Emily's side of the bed and slowly took my shirt off her, and also my shorts. I laid her down, and pulled the covers over her. I felt her watching me as I stripped down to my underwear, and slid into bed beside her. She turned into her side and stared at me, her red-ringed wide eyes glistening somewhat from unshed tears. "You...you don't have to stay." She slurred.

"Yeah..." I said, reaching across to stroke her fringe out of her eyes. "I do."

"Why?"

"Would you trust yourself...if I left...not to do anything stupid?" I asked.

Her eyes fluttered shut, she exhaled slowly, and then sniffled a bit as she shook her head. "No..."

"Then you know _why_ I'm not leaving." I said, moving closer and pulling Emily into my arms. I gently kissed the top of her head as she nervously cuddled into me. "I care about you _too much_ to leave you alone right now, Emily."

"Mmm." She murmured.

"Go to sleep... We'll talk about it tomorrow, ok?"

"Yeah..." She said, softly.

I felt her lips graze gently against my neck, kissing my skin. Slowly, I stroked my fingers through her fringe, in an absent minded manner. But, I knew it gave her some comfort, and my mind was put at ease when her breathing evened out, and she softly began snoring. I knew while I couldn't help or solve all her problems in one night, the least I could do was to help her get to sleep.

"I hope you have better dreams tonight, baby." I whispered, placing a soft kiss against her temple and closing my eyes.

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**A/N#2: Ok, I might have needed a Fluff Warning™ for the ending...**

**Next chapter will be up when it's done... Methinks it might be hangover time for Emily... Oh dear.**

**Review if you wish...**

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


	11. The Morning After

**A/N: My sincere apologies for this chapter being so delayed, I've had a lot going on, and I'm in the process of moving house (which is never fun, even when things go smoothly, which my move isn't, due to no fault of my own.). But there have been a few quiet, late hours in which I've had the chance to knock this chapter out when nothing else is going on.**

**Emily's hangover. She's a bit confused,a nNaomi helps her through it. Minor Goo™ warning.**

**On with it, then...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. If you say you're going to help someone move house, don't be a punk and back out of it the day before said planned move. Any and all typos are naughty little monkeys who deserve to be spanked.**

* * *

**(Emily POV)**

My head hurts, and I know this feeling. The feeling that comes the morning after a hard night. But, I didn't go out last night...did I? God, I wish I could remember, but my head feels like a mess. Slowly..._very_ slowly, I sit up. How the hell did I get to bed last night? The last thing I remember was being on the sofa, listening to that melancholy song on repeat.

"Ugh..." I groaned, holding my head in my hands. I leaned back against the headrest, and closed my eyes. "Fuck." I croaked, my voice sounding rougher than usual.

"You're awake." Came a soft female voice from the doorway.

I opened my eyes in shock at hearing someone else's voice, quickly closing them again as I groaned, feeling my stomach lurch. "Shit...close the fucking curtains!" I muttered. "Bloody hell..."

I heard footsteps, and then rustling, and the curtain rings sliding across their rod. "Ok." She said, softly.

Slowly, I opened my eyes, letting them adjust to the thankfully dimmer light in my room. I looked up, to see Naomi leaning against my dresser. "Oh." I sighed. "Wha- What are you doing here?" I asked.

"How much do you remember of yesterday?" Naomi asked, pushing herself off the dresser and sitting on the edge of my bed. It was then that I noticed that the other side of the bed was unmade.

I lowered my gaze to my hands in my lap. "I remember waking up with you. You took me to your mum's... And then Katie rang, and you walked me home."

"What else?"

"Uhm..." I tried to think. "Katie didn't stay long. I guess I was a bit mean to her. I think I yelled at her." I said, biting my bottom lip.

"Do you remember coming to see me?"

"I came to see you?" I asked. Naomi looked at me carefully, and nodded. I remained silent for a few moments, and then shook my head. "Christ."

"How are you feeling, Emily?" Naomi asked. "Apart from the hangover. How do you feel...up here?" She placed her hand on my forehead.

I shrugged. "Ok, I guess. The last few days I've..."

"Not really been yourself?"

I frowned. "_No._"

"Hmm." Naomi replied. "You really don't remember?"

I closed my eyes briefly, as I tried to remember the events of the previous night. But it was a blank. Christ, what had I done? I shook my head slowly as I opened my eyes again. "Was I..."

"I can explain, if you like?"

"Uhm...not sure I really want to hear it, but ok."

"A couple of hours after I walked you home, you turned up at mine, half drunk and very upset. You told me you were bad for me... Actually you said you were poison." Naomi said, quietly. The last few words her voice wavered slightly. But none of it was coming back to me. "You also asked for your journal back, and then just... You just walked out on me, and I was so worried about you, and..." She paused for a moment to take a breath. "I tried to call you, but you didn't answer... So I walked over here, and you were on the sofa listening to music...apparently you'd been listening to the same song up loud for a while...your neighbour was pretty annoyed."

I started to remember, then. Lying on the sofa, the room dark...

"Something I can never have." I whispered, huskily.

"You said that to me last night, too. When you were at mine, you said "I just want something I can never have."

I shook my head. "Jesus, I was really bad this time." I muttered, threading my fingers into my hair and pushing the tips through it slowly.

"Is that the song I heard last night when I came in?" Naomi asked.

I nodded, slowly. "I hadn't listened to it in a long time. I haven't needed to. I..." I paused to take a deep breath, feeling rushed by emotion. "Christ." I croaked, as my eyes filled with tears. Naomi took my hand in hers and squeezed it gently, and I buried my head in her shoulder. "Fuck, Naomi... I'm sorry. I never meant for you to-"

"It's ok, Emily." She said, softly, as she held me, placing her arm around my shoulder.

"No, it's not." I sniffled. "What else did I say to you?" Naomi bit her bottom lip. "Please, just tell me."

"Alright..." She replied. "You said I didn't deserve it... That you didn't understand how I could want to be with you when you can't function properly."

"Oh." I said, slowly. Wait a minute... "You want to be with me?"

Naomi looked at me sheepishly and shrugged. "I can't lie and say no. I like you, a lot. I think you are very talented, Emily. I know you have personal issues, though, even if you are reluctant to tell me what they are. Maybe you want to protect me, I don't know... But you needn't worry, Emily. I'll do my best to help you through it, because I care about you, babe." She kissed my temple softly.

I leaned my head on her shoulder, enjoying the simple comfort of having her hold me. "Sometimes I just... Lose myself, I guess. It happens...when something happens in my life that is... Overwhelming, I guess... I don't know. That's the best I can describe it as."

"Overwhelming?" Naomi asked.

I threaded my fingers through hers and squeezed her hand gently. "Yeah." I whispered, softly. "I think I'm ok right now, I... I feel like shit because I'm hungover, obviously, but... I... God, I hate when this happens."

"Do you sort of... Black out?"

"Whenever I have bad dreams, I... Yeah, I guess I do, sort of. I mean, I don't remember being very together yesterday morning..."

"You wanted peanut butter on your toast." Naomi smiled. "And you like the same kind I do...smooth."

"Yeah." I said. "Peanut butter on toast always makes me feel a little better...more whole after I have a bad dream."

"You said you've been having these dreams for a few years?"

"Yeah... They started after..." I paused, remembering back and closing my eyes, taking another deep breath.

"It's ok, Em. You told me about what your mum said." Naomi said, softly. "Do you know why I took you to see Gina?"

I shook my head, because I really had no idea, other than for Naomi to try and cheer me up a little bit.

She began to slowly rub her fingertips up and down my arm. It was nice...soothing. "I took you there, to show you that a mother can care. They're not all the same as yours."

"I know that, Naomi..."

"I know... But still... Gina, she... She accepts everyone, always greets you with a smile, and rarely has a bad word for anyone. You know how she made us macaroni and cheese?"

I nodded. I remembered the meal, and it had been very good. "She's a really good cook. My mum was always terrible at it."

Naomi smiled. "Yeah, if nothing Gina Campbell is a wonderful cook and makes a mean cup of tea." She said. "But the macaroni... She was being truthful, she used to make it to cheer me up when I felt like shit."

"Comfort food." I said, the corner of my lips turned up in a gentle smirk.

"Yes." She replied. "She could tell you weren't yourself, and made it for you, because she knew you needed a boost. It's simple, but...it worked for me."

I nodded. "It did for me, too... I had felt better, until Katie rang. If let so bad about having too leave like that... I can't have made a good first impression..."

"You needn't worry. She won't judge you at all. She isn't that sort of woman." Naomi said. "She told me, when you were on the phone, that she could see you were troubled."

I sighed, deeply. "Naomi... All I can do is apologise. I didn't mean to worry you at all, I just... I have bad days sometimes, and after the dreams it's worse, and I understand if you don't want a bar of it, because it's hard enough for me to deal with, let alone anyone else."

"Emily... I'm still here, yeah? I care about you, and I want to try and make it better for you, if I can." Naomi said, gently squeezing my shoulder again. "But babe, you have to stop trying to push me away. I'm not trying to nag you or interfere... I'm only wanting to try and help you deal with it if I can. Talk to me, cry to me, scream at me, rage if you have to... But I want you to know I'm here for you, because I care about you, and I want you to be better."

"Better." I sighed. "It's such a battle."

Naomi was silent for a brief moment. "Do you think I can not handle it?"

"Most of the time I can't handle it, Naomi. Why should you have to deal with it as well? What if you can't handle me either?"

"Do you remember meeting my flatmate, Effy?" She asked me.

I thought for another moment, trying to see if I could remember. I finally shook my head. "No. Everything after You dropping me off here yesterday is...gone."

"Does it ever come back? The time you ...lose."

I shrugged. "Sometimes. Most times, it doesn't."

"Ok." She replied. "She's had her issues, as well. She hears things sometimes...voices and the like. Has done for years. There are times when she has literally had conversations with them and ignored me when I would ask her who she was talking to. Like I'm not even in the same room. A few times, she's had nightmares and woken up screaming."

"And that's how you knew what to do yesterday." I said.

"Yes. You were disoriented when you woke up, which is common with bad dreams, nightmares, whatever you want to call them. You needed something to refresh you, which is why I made you take a shower and made you something to eat." Naomi explained. "I... Brought your clothes back, by the way. Washed them for you."

"Why are you telling me all this?" I asked. "Not that I don't appreciate it, it's helping fill in some of the gaps, but..."

"Because I can deal with this, Emily. I've dealt with the same kind of thing with Effy."

"You shouldn't have to 'deal' with me, though."

"Ok, bad choice of words." Naomi said. "I've experienced it before, how's that?"

"Little bit better." I said. "So, you're trying to tell me you're up for anything I can throw at you."

"Yes."

I sighed, and leaned my head back against the headboard "Christ, I really don't deserve you." I half whispered.

"Would you shut up, already? I don't want to hear you say that anymore." Naomi said, her tone humorous.

"Ok." I shrugged. Something occurred to me. "You stayed here last night?"

"You were crying and drunk on the couch, hun. I couldn't leave you here alone. It's a good thing I did, I was worried you might hurt yourself."

I remembered then, the sense of despair I was feeling the previous night. That feeling that no one in their right mind would want to experience, because it's like such a vacuum that it sucks the very life out of you until you are nothing but a walking shell of yourself.. And the only thing that will make you feel anything is pain. I'd only felt that feeling once before, and it was the night before Katie had decided to leave and get her own flat. When she had got so fed up with me that we'd had a huge argument, and she had stormed out, leaving me to my own devices, as it were.

"God." I said. I then groaned, and held my hand to my forehead. "Fuck. I am so sorry, Naomi."

"Don't be. I'm just glad you are still here, yeah?"

"I know, but... You don't even know me that well, I... You're so fucking perfect, you know? I just... You don't need my shit." I said, my eyes tearing up.

"I'm not that perfect." Naomi laughed softly, as she gently wiped at the tear that slipped down my cheek. "You just... Emily, I think you can mean something important to me, and I sort of cherish the things that are important to me. I know you have problems, and that's ok. Because I'll take you, problems and all. Everyone needs a bit of comfort in this crazy world, Ems... I want to be yours, if you'll let me,"

"You'd need to be patient. I can be a right bitch sometimes."

"Like when you are repeatedly telling me you're no good for me and pushing me away?"

I blushed. "Something like that."

Naomi kissed the top of my head gently. "I'm here, aren't I?" She asked, and I nodded in reply. "I think it's a sign you need to stop telling me. Because, babe... You're stuck with me. End of." She added, pulling me into her arms. I relaxed into the hug, exhaling slowly. I couldn't help it, is as overcome with emotion, and I began to sob in her embrace.

"Hey...don't." Naomi said.

"No, it's ok..." I said, lifting my eyes to face hers and smiling. "It's good. Really." I added, before relaxing back into her arms

"Ok." Naomi replied, softly. She squeezed me in her arms, and for the first time since waking up after the bad dream, I felt safe. Actually safer than I had felt in a while.

"How did you know... I mean... What was it that made you come over here?" I asked.

"When you left mine... You asked for your journal back. I gave it to you, of course... But when you left, you just had this look in your eyes. It was so... Hollow. It scared the shit out of me." Naomi explained, softly. "I tried to get you to stay,and you just shook your head at me and left. When you didn't pick up your phone, I got really worried and then decided I was coming over. I just had to. The look in your eyes, it filled me with such fear. You weren't there with me, it's like you were gone."

No one had ever described this to me. I never understood how I acted when I lost myself like that... Because no one had ever explained it to me. I'd been asked to describe it, but because I didn't remember, I never could. I gently kissed Naomi's neck. "Keep going."

"Are you sure?" She asked, her voice tight.

"Yeah." I whispered. "I've never heard this... I need to."

"Alright." Naomi replied. "You didn't say much... Other than to say everything was dark, and that I am the light. You said you were poison, the 'dark bottle with a skull and crossbones painted on it' if I remember correctly. Nice use of description, by the way, I could see it in my head."

"Yeah?"

"Mmhmm." She said, gently running her fingers through my hair. "You are very descriptive, if you don't know it. That's what I love about your poetry. I can see what you are writing in my mind, so clearly. Even the...dark stuff."

I squirmed a little. "Now you see why I said I gave it to you so you could see if you still wanted to be with me." I said. "My last girlfriend couldn't handle it. That's why I went off my head and Katie ended up leaving." I paused for a moment, thinking about her for a brief moment. "I gave you my journal because it contains the barest parts of me. My deepest thoughts. Sometimes they overtake me, and it screws with me in a major way. You need to know that before you get too involved with me. Because I can be frustrating to be with, Naomi. People get frustrated with me. If I've been warning you off when I'm in that state... It's the part of me that is normal that is telling you to leave me be."

"Oh. Wow." Naomi replied. Her tone was doubtful.

"It's for your protection though, not mine." I said, rubbing my thumb along hers. "Naomi, I... I really like you too, y'know? I want us to be something more, I just..." I trailed off.

"You are worried it will drag me down as well. At least, that's what you said last night, that you didn't want to drag me down too. I can understand that, Emily, I can. But I've grown very fond of you, and I can't leave you alone, it seems. I accept you for all of you, babe. I want something more with you too, and I'm willing to take it one step at a time. Because I want you to be better, Emily."

I sighed. "Don't say I didn't try and warn you."

Naomi laughed. "Baby, I could never accuse you of not trying." She said, kissing my temple. "So...you'll stop fighting me off, then?"

I shrugged. "I can only try." I said.

"That's all I'm asking. " She replied. "And that you let me in a little...you know."

"Yeah. I want to." I said, looking into her eyes. "You're amazing. I mean that."

Naomi blushed, a pink tinge creeping across her cheeks. She shook her head. "I just care about you, Emily. I want to know more of you, more about you... I'd be mad not to." She said, dipping her head and kissing my lips softly.

I closed my eyes and savoured the contact for a few moments, and then my eyes flicked open again. "Last night, we didn't... Uhm...shag, did we?" I asked, placing my hand on her shoulder.

Naomi smirked and shook her head. "I wouldn't take advantage of you like that, Emily."

"Good to know."

"So..." The blonde says, "How is your stomach this morning? Can you handle some food?"

I thought for a brief moment. "Yeah, so long as it's light."

"Got any bread? I can make you some toast..."

"There should be some in the bread bin. It's on the-"

"I'm sure I can find it, Emily." She replied, with a smile. "But shower though, cause, Ems... you smell of something and it ain't roses." She added, getting up and moving to walk out of the room.

"Hey... Was that a dig?" I asked raising my eyebrow.

Naomi turned and leaned in the doorway. Sliding her hand into her pocket, a casual smirk gracing her lips. "It wasn't intended as such. You did drink a lot last night, though." She said. "It's sort of oozing out of you." She added, screwing her nose up, and turning to leave.

"Bitch!" I laughed after her.

"You love me!" She called.

Yeah, I thought. I do...

I stood in the sitting room, frozen. I stared at the coffee table, seeing my journal open on the table, with some of the pages ripped out and torn into smaller pieces, scattered around the splayed pages.

"Emily?" Naomi said, standing beside me and placing her hand on my shoulder. "Are you alright?"

After a long moment I spoke. "What did I do? Were you-"

"No, I wasn't here when you did that. I've not touched it."

I sat on the sofa, and brushed the pieces off the pages, and set them aside. I looked at the other pages. "Oh, no." I said, sadly.

"What is it?" Naomi said, sitting beside me.

"That was your poem. The last one I wrote." I said, my voice choking up.

"Do you have any tape?" She asked, as she wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

"Yeah..." I replied.

"Well, it's not all bad... We can tape it back together, yeah? I'll even help, if you like." She said, cheerily. "Come on, I've put some tea on... And I can get toast done in a jiffy."

I stood up and followed her into the kitchen, and she put two slices of bread in the toaster and opened the cupboard, pulling out my jar of peanut butter. She poured me some tea and by then the toast was done, so she buttered it and spread it with peanut butter for me, slicing each piece in half and then sliding the plate towards me.

"Eat." She said, with a gentle smile. I did as she said, and slowly nibbled at one of the pieces of toast.

"Thanks. For everything." I said, once I had swallowed my mouthful. "I really appreciate you sticking around." My voice was low, but my words were sincere.

She placed her hand over mine. "You're more than welcome, babe."

"What time is it?" I asked.

"A little after eleven." Naomi answered.

"Shit! I have to work. Christ, my boss is going to be pissed." I said, making to get up out of my seat.

Naomi stopped me. "The paper rang your phone while you were sleeping. I told them you were ill and wouldn't be in today." She explained.

I stared at her. "Oh."

She shrugged. "It was the least I could do. You need a day to recover."

"What about you? Don't you have classes?" I asked.

"No." She replied. "I have Monday off."

"Ok."I said. "This is good toast, by the way." I added. "Might have to keep you around." I smirked, before finishing the second slice.

"Oh. Yeah?"

"Mmhmm."

Naomi poured herself another mug of tea and drank it with me as I finished my toast. We spent the rest of the day lounging about, after a quick trip to the market to buy some chocolate and ice cream. "You need some sugar." Naomi had said, as we walked down the dairy aisle.

I stopped and pulled her back towards me. "Why do I need sugar when I've got you?" I asked, cheekily.

"Someone is feeling a little like their usual self, I see?" She smirked back at me.

"Maybe," I smiled, leaning up to kiss her lips softly. "You are sweet, though. So I am being truthful."

"Yeah, well... Don't let that get around... I've got a reputation as a heartless bitch to keep up." She laughed.

I smiled back, and buried my head in her chest. "You make me feel safe." I murmured against her skin.

"I'm glad, Emily. I really am." She said, as she hugged me close.

We ended up getting chocolate and strawberry swirl ice cream, as well as some dairy milk chocolate. Along the walk home, Naomi held my hand comfortably in hers. The way she gripped it... Not too tight, not too loose... Just perfect. When we got back to mine we occupied the sofa for a while, and then once we'd had enough ice cream and crap television, Naomi put the ice cream in the freezer and I stood up and went into my room and lay on my bed, with my eyes closed. The next thing I felt was the bed dipping beside me as Naomi sat down. I opened my eyes and looked up at her. "Hey." I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Hey." She replied. "You ok?"

I nodded. "Yeah, just felt like lying down." I said. "You can join me if you want."

Naomi stretched out beside me, and laid her arm across my stomach. Her head was next to my shoulder, and I turned to face her. "Your eyes are so clear." I said. "I've never seen eyes that blue before. It's beautiful."

She blushed and her eyelids fluttered momentarily. "You think so?"

I reached up and stroked through her fringe with my fingertips. "I know so." I whispered. Her fingers linked with mine and she brought my hand up to her lips and kissed the back of it softly. I shook my head gently. "How do I thank you for being you? I don't know how..."

Naomi reached up and rested her palm on my cheek. "Just take it one day at a time. If that doesn't work...try one hour. If that's no good... One minute at a time."

"That's it?" I asked. "I was thinking more like...taking you out to dinner or something."

She laughed, softly. "Well, you can if you want to, but... Seeing you happier is good enough for me."

"Has anyone ever told you how selfless you are?"

She nodded. "Several times."

I leaned closer and kissed her softly, my lips moving slowly against hers. "What time are your classes tomorrow?"

"Not until ten."

"Ok." I replied. "Will you...stay tonight? I'm not working till midday tomorrow, so..."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. "I want you to stay." I replied. "It's really helping, you being here. I'll be better tomorrow, but... I just need you to stay tonight, I don't really want to be alone. I... I don't trust myself." I added, my voice quiet towards the end.

Naomi pulled me closer into her arms and they squeezed around me gently. "Then, yes, I'll stay. Only...I'll need to go back to mine and pick up a change of clothes, and my uni stuff... That way I can just leave here in the morning."

"Ok."

"Will you be alright, while I'm gone? I shouldn't be anymore than half an hour... Forty five, tops." She asked, a slight amount of worry in her tone.

I placed my hand on her chest and smiled gently. "If I know you are coming back, I should be alright." I said. "I think the worst of it was yesterday, y'know?"

"Well, if you need me, I'm just a phone call away."

"I know. I'm really sorry for not answering you yesterday if you called... I turned my phone on silent. I just wanted to forget everything."

Naomi kissed my forehead softly. "It's ok, Emily. I understand." She replied. "You think next time you can try and let me in a little more? I'm not asking for a blow by blow of every thought you have, but... If you're getting upset, I want to help you. I can listen. I can try and talk through it with you... I can try and distract you if that's what you need... Whichever, I don't mind."

I nodded. "If you can be patient with me." I said. "I'm a bit stubborn sometimes."

"Yeah, does it always take three goes to get you to open the door?" Naomi smirked.

I poked her in the ribs, and she laughed. "OI... That's not fair, I was off my face."

She grinned and kissed me softly. "You know I'm joking, though."

I nodded. "Yeah, I do." I replied. I laid my head against her shoulder and hummed softly. "This is really nice, being here with you like this...but before we get too comfortable... I think you should go do what you need to do and then come back."

"Mmm. You're right, I should." Naomi replied, making no attempt to move. "In a minute." I chuckled softly and softly kissed her neck. "Hey now, that might be a deterrent to me getting out of bed..."

"Mmhmm... Or maybe an incentive to come back quicker?" She fixed me with her blue eyes and raised an eyebrow. I shrugged, a cheeky smile on my lips. "You never can tell..." I said, as I wriggled out of her arms and stood up. "C'mon, Campbell... The sooner you go, the sooner you can come back... I'll make you something to eat, saves us ordering pizza or something."

"You don't have to..."

"No, but I want to." I said, as we walked out to the front door.

Naomi put her chucks on and straightened up. She looked at me with a slightly wary glance. "Sure you'll be alright?" She said, her hands in my shoulders.

"Yeah. I'll cook. It'll keep me occupied."

"Alright. I'll see you soon, then." She said, hugging me close and kissing my temple softly. I pulled her head done to meet mine, kissing her deeply, our lips merging together and becoming part of each other. Eventually she pulled her lips from mine, and hugged me even closer. Her eyes stared into mine for a few long moments, and then she kissed my forehead. "I won't be too long, I promise."

I nodded, as she released me from her embrace, opening the door and walking out.

I did a quick check of what was in the cupboard, seeing as I couldn't really recall when the late time I had done a grocery shop was, due to the fog I'd been in the past few days. There wasn't that much, apart from a packet of pasta and a jar of long lost pesto. So I figured I would cook that up, it could't be the worst thing ever to be served in this flat, that's for sure. While the water was boiling, I went and found the sticky tape, to see about putting back together the pages I'd ripped out of my journal.

It still shocked me that I had done it. One thing that had never incurred my anger or ill feeling was my journal. I'd always kept it safe, and far away from me when I was in that state, and especially while that drunk. By the time the water had boiled I had rearranged the ripped pieces, and after I put the pasta in, I set about taping it back together. It was tricky, but I got it in the end. I picked up the slightly broken looking but still neat little rectangle, and frowned. I was mad at myself for both tearing it up in the first place, and for the fact that I couldn't even remember doing so. I went into my bedroom and picked up my pen, and set about copying the own back into my journal, along with a note at the end, that it had been originally written on the date it was p, and that it had been ripped out and re-copied. I also added some more words.

"The original of this poem has been given to Naomi Campbell. She suggested I rescue it somehow... But she has rescued me more than she knows."

I was just finishing that up, when a knock came on the door. I opened it, and was greeted by Naomi's smile looking back at me. "Hi. Miss me?"

I smiled. "Yes." I said, pulling her into my arms. "I'm almost done with dinner... It'll be a few minutes. Have a seat."

Naomi came in and dropped her bag at the door, taking off her chucks as well. I retreated to the kitchen, drained the pasta and added the pesto, stirring until it was combined. I took two plates out of the cupboard and scooped out two servings, and took the Parmesan cheese out of the fridge. I'd already laid out the cutlery, so I took the two plates and the cheese out tot he table, and set them both down.

"Smells delicious." Naomi said.

I shrugged. "It's just what was in the cupboard... I've neglected the weekly shop, it seems."

"Well, they say the best meals are the simple ones." She replied, sprinkling cheese over her pasta.

We ate slowly, talking through the meal about silly little things. Sometimes Naomi would steal glances at me and smile, and sometimes I'd do the same. When we were finished, I cleared up the plates. "Come into the sitting room, I've got something I want to give you." I said. Naomi raised her eyebrow in curiosity, but followed me out anyway. "Sit down." I said, and then sat next to her. I reached for the journal that was still sitting on the table. I opened its cover and took out the taped piece of paper and handed it to her.

"You taped it up!" She said, with a bright smile.

"Yes." I replied. "And...I want you to keep it."

She looked at me with curious blue eyes. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Yeah, look..." I said, opening the journal to its last pages. "I copied it in, see?" I said, showing her the double spread page that had the copied poem, as well as the endnote. Her fingers traced over the words I had written. I watched her eyes until they met mine. I'll never get over how clear blue they are. Breathtaking doesn't even begin to cover it.

"I don't know what to say, except... Thank you." She said, softly. "I'll cherish it, always."

"Was Effy ok, with you being here all night last night?"

"Yeah, I explained a bit about it, and she was fine." Naomi replied. "She knew you needed my help."

"Yeah. I really did." I said. "I can't thank you enough for not giving up, even when I was telling you to go away."

Naomi pulled me into her arms and kissed me softly. "Emily, I could never give up on you. You meant too much to me."

"Yeah?"

"Mmhmm." She hummed in reply. "I know the last few days have been rough on you, but I'm glad you're part of my life, even though it's new and everything."

"I'm glad you are in mine, too." I said, laying my head on her shoulder. "I might not have made it through last night if you hadn't been here."

"I know, it's why I stayed with you. Despite you thinking I wanted to get you into bed for sex."

"I said that?" I asked, screwing up my nose.

Naomi chuckled and kissed my temple. "Don't worry, I was not about to take advantage of you. I never would."

"Oh, good. I don't normally drink straight vodka like that... The odd shot now and then, yeah, but never a whole bottle."

"Effy says...that when we despair, sometimes the least palatable option is the one that seems most attractive." Naomi explained.

"Really? That's... Oddly true." I said.

"Most of Effy's observations are."

We talked a lot as the night progressed. We finally went to bed when Naomi chastised me for being still up at midnight when I had to get up for work at eight.

"But, I'm not tired."

"Emily, you should get some sleep. I know we've been lounging about a bit today, but sleep will help you feel even better. You'll be more refreshed when you wake up tomorrow." Naomi said, as she pulled back the duvet on my bed that she had made while I was in the shower that morning.

I sighed. "But..." I trailed off as my shoulders slumped a bit. "What if I have another bad dream?"

Naomi laid down on the bed and beckoned me to do the same. I slid down next to her, and she pulled the duvet over us both, and I snuggled into her arms, nestling my head into the crook of her neck. "If you do, I'll be right here for you. I promise." She said softly, kissing the top of my head. She reached over and turned out the light, leaving us both in darkness. Naomi's fingers gently traced up and down my arm, and it felt good...it was soothing.

"I like it when you do that. It's comforting." I whispered.

"I'll have to remember to do it more often."

I smiled. "Yeah, you do."

Naomi kissed the top of my head gently. "C'mon, baby... Time to get some sleep."

I was silent for a few minutes before I spoke again. "Naomi?"

"Yeah?"

I paused for a moment, and then sighed. "You're a good person." I whispered. "I'm glad I have you."

"I know." She replied. "You do, you know. As long as you want me around, I'll stay." Her lips brushed the top of my ear.

"Mmm." I hummed. "I want you around a lot."

I felt the warm breath of her sigh against my ear, and shivered as I felt her lips graze against my skin. "Good. Because I want to be with you a lot, too." She murmured. She was quiet a few moments longer. "Emily?"

"Mmm?"

"You said it happens when something happens toy out her is overwhelming..." She said. "I have to know... Is it me?"

I felt a cold shiver as she asked me, because I knew what she must be thinking. "Naomi... It wasn't you that put me in that state. It happens when something major happens in my life. Most times it's bad things. Once or twice it's been good things that have affected me badly. Because deep down... Evenif I like someone, I don't feel I deserve it. It's just... It's how I was raised." I explained.

"Alright. I can accept that." Naomi replied. "I'll hear more about it another time... Right now, I really want you to try and get some sleep, ok?"

I closed my eyes and snuggled a little more against her. "Goodnight, Naomi."

"'Night, Emily."

* * *

**A/N#2: Ah, pillow talk. Not so much of the romantic sort, but... It was still lovely wasn't it?**

***shrug***

**The next chapter will be up ASAP.**

**Reviews welcome, as always.**

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


	12. Take Me Home

**A/N: Greetings, either of the season or not, depending on your persuasion.**

**Not sure how many different stories you will be gifted with chapters of, but seeing as I'm going to be home more or less alone with the exception of one French backpacking houseguest, I might get bored and do some writing. Who knows?**

**Anyway... This is a bit Fluffy™. Maybe some Goo™, too.**

**On with it, then...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. I just moved house, and now have everything to sort through/unpack. Joy. But on the upside, I have a housemate who gives a damn instead of ignoring me! Huzzah! Any and all typos were drunk on Polish rectified spirit.**

* * *

**(Naomi POV)**

(A few days later)

Emily had given me less cause to worry about her over the past couple of days, which did some to ease my concern. She kept in contact with me via text messages, and called when she could. The first night we lasted on the phone for two hours before she made her way over to mine and stayed the night. We didn't have sex, which didn't bother me at all. I think she was just glad to be with me, like I calmed whatever bad thoughts she was having when she was lying in my arms. The second night, we talked on the phone for just on an hour, before I couldn't stand it anymore and had to be with her, so I walked to her flat and we spent the night curled up in her bed, just talking softly.

"How can you not push this?" She asked me.

"Push what, babe?"

"This." She repeated, motioning between us. "Why are you not all over me trying to get me to have sex with you?" I looked at her blankly, understanding the question, but not sure how to phrase my response. "Was it not good?"

My eyes widened. "No, that's not it at all! It was good...very good... I just... I am waiting until you are ready. I don't want you to think that's all I want from you, because you are more to me than just a warm body to screw."

"Nicely put." She frowned.

"Sorry, I could have been more delicate." I apologised.

"It's ok. I prefer it when you are blunt with me, but your choice of words is a bit of a shock." She reassured me, kissing me softly.

"I guess... I know you've been a bit fragile, and I just want to be sure you are ready before we go any further with this." I said. "I don't want to take advantage of your vulnerability."

"I know." She whispered, as she cuddled tighter into me.

The third night, she texted me out of the blue at almost six o'clock.

"_Hey... Dinner tonight? My shout. xo xEmilyx_"

I thumbed the reply button and typed out a message.

"_Sure... Where do you want to meet, and what time? xNx_"

The reply came shortly after.

"_Yours at seven? xEmilyx_"

"_Done. See you then. xo xNx_"

There I was, at seven-thirty, sitting in a Thai restaurant, opposite a completely gorgeous looking Emily Fitch. Her hair must have been freshly touched up, and her fringe was pinned backwards, the rest of it hanging around her shoulders in loose waves. She was wearing a loose, thin white cotton shirt that had the top two buttons undone, as well as a knee length dark blue skirt that was pleated from halfway down. I was wearing new black skinny jeans, a dark red shirt and a black vest, my own hair over my shoulders in its usual slightly unkempt waves. The waitress had just left, Emily ordered a red curry and myself, I went with a green chicken curry. Red is just a little too spicy for me. Well, unless it's Emily, and then I can't eat enough, and-

**_NAOMI!_**

It's her outfit. _Really_. The way she looks tonight makes me forget that less than a week ago I was coming to her emotional rescue, and I'm feeling really...not evil as such, but kind of a bad person for wanting to take her to bed for something very different than snuggling and lending an ear.

Ok, I might be a little sexually frustrated, _**ahem**_, but I'm blaming it on Emily's choice of attire. Is she _trying_ to tease me? Could this be a non-verbal come on? I just decide to bite the bullet and ask.

"So, to what do we owe the occasion?" I said.

Emily smiled softly and looked up at me with warm brown eyes. Oh, I had _missed_ the warmth in them. It had been slowly returning, but this was the first time in what felt like ages that I had seen the life creep back in them. "I wanted to thank you. For being there for me. I've thought about it a lot, and I want you to know that it does mean a lot to me."

I nodded. "You're welcome, Emily." I said, feeling myself blush. Maybe _not_ what I was thinking, then?

"And I also wanted to tell you that you look hot in that shirt."

Then again, _maybe_...

"Y-you think so?" I asked.

Emily nodded, a shy, cute little smile appearing at the corner of her lips. "I _do_ think so." She replied, softly.

I smiled, genuinely happy that she thought as much. It was nice to feel that your effort in looking appealing was worth something. "Thanks." I whispered.

Or food arrived, and we chatted briefly while we ate, she asked about how my courses at uni were going. I asked her how work had been since being back, and she said it hadn't been as hard as she thought, but she still had some moments that were hard on her.

"It gets easier, though. Sometimes the fog is there, sometimes it isn't. I've been trying not to get bogged down. Working has helped me with that. Keeps my mind occupied."

"I see." I replied. "And it's been helping you cope?"

"In a way." She said. "There are times when I've needed someone else to be there, though."

I nodded. "Yeah, you keep asking me over." I said.

"Yeah... I just...didn't want to be alone."

"Hey... I _did_ say if you needed me, I'd be there." I said, placing my hand in top of hers and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I know. But you have a life, too. I don't want to keep you from what is important."

I shook my head. "Emily, _you_ are what is important to me, hun. Haven't I made that clear?"

Emily lowered her eyes. "Yeah... I'm sorry. I just... I'm being self-pitying again."

"Well... _Try_ not to?" I asked, softly. I gently rubbed my thumb across the back of her hand.

She nodded. "I can only try, right?"

"That's all I ask." I replied, with a gentle smile.

Emily gave a brave smile back and nodded once more.

By the end of the evening, we had gone for a long walk, talked for a bit sitting on a park bench on Brandon Hill, and ended up in a late night café with a hot chocolate each and a slice of chocolate mud cake between us. The slice itself was _huge_, layered with white chocolate fudge icing and dusted with chocolate shavings. Emily was demolishing much more of it than I was, and I was just amused watching her eat it. She caught my eye and stopped, comically right in the middle of taking a forkful. "What?"

"Do you always eat cake like this?" I asked, with a raised eyebrow.

Emily blushed and looked at me sheepishly. "Chocolate cake is a _bit_ of a weakness."

"Ah." I grinned. "Any other weaknesses I should know about? Of the guilty pleasure variety, I mean."

"Mmm... Just one I've gone without for a little too long." She replied, watching me with hooded eyes as she devoured the chocolate cake on her fork.

"Oh? And what would that be?" I asked.

She pulled the fork from her lips and pointed it directly at me. "_You_."

I swallowed. Jesus Christ. "Uh...me?" I said, dumbly. Hw could Emily reduce me to a speechless mess?

Emily nodded. "Yes. You." She said. "You've been good to me this past week, and I know sometimes you've probably been frustrated a bit..."

"Well... I wouldn't say _totally_. You know I don't just want you for your body, Em. There's more to it than that."

"I know."

"Look, I'll be honest with you. These past few nights, it's not bothered me that we haven't had sex. In fact, it's not bothered me at all that we haven't since that morning after the first night we spent together. Just being close to you has been enough, because I know it's what you need. What I need doesn't particularly matter so much at the moment." I explained. "I'm not that selfish a person, what matters to me is that you feel better. I'll sleep with you every night - just _sleep_, mind you - every night if you need me to, _whatever_ makes you feel comfortable." I met her eyes with mine, and took the last sip of my hot chocolate. "Right now, I guess I just want you to be able to make it through a day. Everything else is secondary to that, and that includes the fact that I really, _really_ want to sleep with you in that way."

Emily's eyes went wide at the wanting tone that my voice had taken on. "Really?"

"_Really_." I nodded.

A look of realisation crossed her face. "_Oh_." She said, softly. "Oh, I see."

"You did say you prefer my honesty."

"I know." She said. "Are you sorry for thinking about it?"

"Not at all... Why should I be sorry?" I shook my head. "You know I like you, Emily. There's no shame in it, is there?"

"No, of course not." Emily replied. "It's only natural. It just surprises me."

"Why? If you hadn't noticed, you're very desirable." I said. "You're very cute, you have warm, trusting eyes, and you are totally fit." I added, looking her up and down appreciatively.

"Naomi..." She started.

"Hey, it's true! I knew from the moment I saw you and you were blatantly staring at my tits."

Her mouth dropped. "I was NOT blatantly staring! They were just... Eye height, and...and...I was startled." She said, blushing.

"Uh huh." I smirked. "I'm only teasing, Em." I said, with a soft smile. "Anyway... It was the way you were checking me out. You were trying to appear like you weren't doing it... But... I'm gay too, as you know." I added. "We can always tell our own kind." I shrugged.

"Yeah. I guess you're right."

"Now you're wondering why I didn't let it go any further last night." I said.

She peered at me. "Uh...a little." She said. "Especially now that you've said you do actually want me that way,"

"I guess I just want to make sure you are ready." I replied. "I wasn't sure how to ask."

"I can think of a few..."

I rolled my eyes. "Without being blunt about it, I meant."

Emily smirked back at me. "I know."

A long silence fell between us. Emily was the one to break it this time. "Walk me home?"

I nodded. "Of course." I said, as the two of us stood up and made to leave the café. Along the way, Emily slipped her hand into mine and our arms swung between us.

"Thanks for coming out with me." She said. "I've really enjoyed spending time with you."

"I'm glad you've had a good time. So have I."

Emily moved closer to me and, unblinking our fingers, she slid her arm around my waist. My own arm draped itself naturally over her shoulders, and I drew her in close as we walked. Emily looked up into the sky periodically, looking at the stars above us. It was a partly cloudy night, but even so, we could still awesome stars. I know, because I looked up myself, just to see what Emily was seeing. She stopped, and in turn, I did the same. She turned to face me and slipped one of her hands behind my neck, pulling me close. She leaned up and kissed me so softly and tenderly, I thought I would have a heart attack right there. I rested my palm on her cheek and kissed her back with just as much tenderness. This kiss wasn't hurried or frantic, it was slow. It had a want and need behind it that shocked me, butterflies floating in my stomach and all. I felt myself tremble as I pulled her closer to me.

She kissed me, and I reciprocated, for what felt like forever, until her lips finally left mine. It's a real shame that we need to breathe sometimes, because if I could kiss Emily Fitch 24/7 and survive without breathing... Well, _where_ exactly do I sign up? Forget Scarlett whatsherface or that bird out of the lousy Hunger Games movies, just give me Emily and I'll be _completely_ happy. She was absolutely perfect in that moment, under the stars. For all her faults, I had still fallen for her, because her troubles were to what ruled her. That was left to the passionate and expressive mind that she had, and I wanted to see more of it.

"Naomi?" She asked, in that soft husky tone.

"Mmm?"

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

I nodded, and hugged her close to me. "Can I ask you something, though..."

"Yes?"

"How do you feel, right now?" I asked.

Emily's brow furrowed slightly as she considered the question. She gently bit her bottom lip and I reached up and untucked it with my thumb. She stared at me in wonder, blinking slightly. "I feel like you love me." She said, softly, and I felt a rush flood through me. "Do you?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

I nodded. "I do."

"Even though I'm a bit screwed up sometimes?"

Again, I nodded. "It doesn't matter to me." I said, shaking my head slightly. "I love you for who you are, Emily. Your mind messes with you from time to time. That _doesn't_ make you defective. You manage to turn your experiences into a wonderful form of art. I've learned so much about you by reading your words. And I want you to explain it _more_ to me."

Emily stared at me briefly, before nodding slowly. "I am very lucky, then." She said. "That you love me, too." She added, looking up at me with big, wide brown eyes.

"You mean?" I asked, and Emily nodded, a shy smile on her lips.

"You are possibly _the_ most patient girl I've ever met. You've stuck with me at my worst, when I've tried to push you away and still look at me adoringly. You've persevered, why I don't know... All I can do is hope that it's real, because when I'm with you, I feel like I'm a better person. I feel happier. Less...alone. Less lonely." Emily explained. "If all that didn't make me fall a little bit in love with you, then what else can I say? I like the way you hold me while I sleep... And for some reason I feel completely lost when you're not around. You don't know how much I beg myself to try and control the urge to push you away, because I _need_ you, Naomi. I want _you_ in my life."

"Emily-"

"I mean, I get it if I'm too much for you to handle, eventually... I wouldn't be surprised. Everyone I know goes away in the end, somehow, and-"

Her words became muffled as I leaned down and kissed her lips with mine, her fingers gripping tightly at my jacket. Her fingers slowly relaxed as my lips moved against hers and my other hand threaded its way into her hair. We finally separated with the all important need to breathe, and Emily nestled her head into my shoulder. "Sorry..." I croaked. "You were on a bit of a roll, there."

"Mmm...no, it's ok. Feel free to shut me up like that _anytime_..." She replied, her warm breath tickling my throat. Her hand slid down to mine and gripped it tightly. She looked up into my eyes before speaking again. "Take me home?"

i nodded, and we continued our walk back to her flat.

* * *

**A/N#2: So, I just want to carbon-copy myself a Naomi. Just thought I'd throw that out there.**

**More soon. Not sure how soon, but sooner than you might think. *shrugs* Anything is possible.**

**Until then...**

**~GN~ xo**


	13. Happiness Thieves

**A/N: Lah-de-dah...updates aplenty! Well, sort of. Hell, I even updated SF, which was a shock even to me. *gasp* **

**Not only that, two updates to this one in the space of a week... Well.**

**So, this chapter follows on from the last one, part introspection, part conversation. **

**On with it...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own skins. I have skin, because I think I'd look awful without it, and I'd sort of bleed and leave goo all over the place (and not goo of the positive, life affirming kind). Any and all typos you can actually blame on my laptop this time, NOT my iPad.**

**(Emily POV)**

Some people will tell you that they know what depression is like. They will tell you they know what it is to feel sad, that they understand. The thing that surprises me the most, is exactly how many happy people tell you exactly that. They never ask you to truly describe how you feel, or if they do, they immediately think they have the magic solution, and can make it better by telling you to cheer up. I wish it were that simple, I really do. But the truth of it is, it's never that simple.

If you think of depression being a large mountain, large enough that there's no way over it, no way under it, no way around it. It's true, that everyone's experience of it is different. Some say it is like a black dog that is always hounding you, that never goes away. It lingers for some, always in the shadows, so that no matter what happens in your life, you lack the ability to feel good about it. Once it sets in, depression is literally the happiness thief that will choose random times to turn you into a total pessimist, so much that the only option sometimes is the way out that you wouldn't normally find yourself searching for.

Until you experience it for yourself, you never really know what it's like, which is true of most things. It can strike you without you knowing it at first. It can muddle even the best of us, and really, no one is truly immune to it. It can be said there's always a trigger for it. No one starts suffering depression just for the hell of it. No one in their right mind would want to wake up every day, literally wishing it was your last, much less finding ways for it to actually be that way.

I've tried to deal with it myself... the sadness, the despair... There are many ways in which one can cope, some constructive, some destructive. Mostly, I choose constructive ways. Writing poetry has helped me a lot, because... well, I figure it better to have my thoughts out of my head, and down on paper, as opposed to fogging my mind. It's like the relief valve when my brain gets too full... so to speak. But for every light poem I write, there's a dark counterpart. Deep thoughts of mine that I have rarely let anyone hear or see. I never perform the dark stuff. Everything I write is personal, in some way, but the dark stuff... too close to home for the drunken punters. Let's face it, my words are lost on the pub audiences of Bristol.

I _**need**_ to get out of this fucking town.

"Emily?" The soft voice spoke beside me. I look to my left, and see the person lying next to me on top of my bed. Taller than me. Blonde. Blue eyes. Beautiful...no...Gorgeous. Patient... and about a thousand other adjectives I could rustle up, I'm sure of it. It amazes me, how horrible I have been to her, and how still she doesn't shy away from me. No, this one wasn't like any other girl I had ever met. She reached for my hand and took it in her own, linking our fingers together. "Are you alright?"

I blink slowly, and look into her eyes. I nod gently. "Yeah... I am. I was just thinking."

"You did look deep in thought. Sorry if I interrupted... unless you'd care to share?" Naomi replied.

I smiled, shyly. "I was just thinking about my poetry, actually."

"Oh?"

"Yeah... I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with it."

Naomi's brow furrowed. "How do you mean?"

I sighed. "The open mic nights... At first, I thought it would be great to get my words heard... But the more I think of it, the more I realise no one is listening." I said, quietly.

"I listened." Naomi replied, squeezing my hand gently.

"I know you did..." I said. "I'm talking about the rest of the audience. The drunken philistines who don't know what they are applauding. Sometimes I think they only do so because I've stopped speaking."

"Hmm." Naomi replied. "Well, I think they're idiots for not paying attention to you properly. Clearly, they don't appreciate good art when they see it."

I nestled my head into Naomi's shoulder. "You're sweet."

"Maybe, but I mean it. If they don't appreciate you, Ems... fuck 'em. You should try something else."

"You think so?" I asked.

"Absolutely! Someone once told me that if your audience doesn't like your art, don't change your art, change your audience." Naomi said.

I thought for a moment on that. "You know, that makes perfect sense." I replied. "I just... I'm not sure how to do that."

Naomi smiled. "I think I can help you, there."

I raised my eyebrow. "How?"

"Well, I know that there's a writing club at uni... I can ask if they know of anything that's going on. Meet-ups, poetry groups and the like." Naomi explained. "If they don't have anything going, I'm sure they can point in the right direction."

"You don't mind? That would be really great..." I said.

Naomi shook her head. "I don't mind at all. Anything to help you out, baby."

I smiled, and reached up, stroking my fingers gently down Naomi's cheek. "You really are amazing, you know that?"

Naomi screwed up her nose cutely. "Not really. I just care about you."

I kissed her gently. "Believe me, I'm glad you do."

"Everyone needs someone to care about them, Emily." She replied.

"I know... but you... I feel like I owe you so much for sticking around."

She shook her head. "I told you, Emily. All I want for you, is for you to be better. I won't say happy, because I know it's a big ask..."

"Monumental."

"...yeah. But I think... if you take it one step at a time... and let me in... Well, I'm not saying it'll cure you _totally_, but it will at least alleviate a bit of the stress you sometimes go through." Naomi said.

I sighed, and cuddled a little closer. "Have I told you yet how grateful I am?"

She laughed softly, kissing the top of my head. "Once or twice, hun."

"Well, I _am_. You're patient, and you don't push me. It means a lot, you know? Too many people try and get me to talk about it, or worse, tell me to cheer up." I said.

"Oh, I've _never_ understood that logic at all. Especially when they haven't even heard what is making someone depressed." Naomi remarked. "I mean... how can you expect to help someone, when you don't know the root cause of the problem? It's like throwing aspirin to someone with a life threatening illness and saying it's a cure-all."

"I agree. That's why I stopped talking about it to begin with... too many people telling me they understood when they didn't listen to begin with... or waving prescriptions at me that didn't help."

Naomi nodded. "It's quicker and more economically lucrative to write a prescription than it is to actually help someone properly. You see, a doctor tells you that you need to see a psychiatrist... All they do is refer you on. The psych makes all the cash, because they can charge a couple of hundred quid an hour, at worst. They listen to you, make notes, and make the relevant noises where appropriate, while you talk about Christ knows what." She explained.

"Sounds about right..."

"Meanwhile... A quack writes you a script, and tell you the medication will sort you out, the drug companies get their money, the quack probably gets a cut somehow, and-"

"...the patient becomes a numb, pill-popping zombie." I said grimly, completing her sentence. "And nothing gets resolved."

"Yes. It's sad... Because mental health is such a widespread problem. Most people won't even admit to it, because there's such shame attached to it. It's like you're almost not normal. But then... I've always wondered exactly what 'normal' is. One person's normal is another person's strange..."

"I know."

Naomi held me close and kissed my temple. "I think you are incredibly brave, Emily." She said, softly.

"_Me?_ Why?" How could I be brave when I felt so out of sorts half the time?

"Because you deal with it in a way that's not usual. If you think of your poetry as a form of therapy..." Naomi said. "...true, you might not get any insight into what your thoughts are, but I suppose if you wished to, you could analyse your words and think about what was inside them a bit more."

"That part always scares me." I admitted. "Sometimes the words are scary enough when I write them. Most of the dark things I write... I rarely if ever read back. I certainly don't perform any of it on stage..."

"Too personal." Naomi said.

"Yes." I replied. "I don't know... I suppose once I write it out, I forget about it a little. That way it doesn't find a way to drag me down even more. I don't even know if half of it is any good. It could be all garbage."

"Oh, no..." Naomi replied. "I could never call it garbage... neither should you."

"Why not? They're just depressed thoughts. Hardly sweetness and light."

Naomi looked at me, and brushed her fingers through my fringe. "I think there's already enough sweetness and light in the world. There's definitely been enough drivel written that surprisingly sells and makes money, considering how shit a lot of it is." She said. "What you write... is brilliant. It's from the heart, and the soul... It's beautiful and complicated."

"Some of it is very sad, too."

"I'd call it melancholy. Just because something is sad _doesn't_ make it ugly." Naomi replied. "Or terrible."

"Good point."

She smiled. "I make them, sometimes." She replied. "You, on the other hand... whether you write happy, or sad... Your words are _beautiful_ either way, Emily. I want you to remember that."

I nodded. "I can try."

Naomi wrapped her arms around me, and I closed my eyes, as she held me close. I don't know what it was about her embrace, but every time I was in it, I felt so much safer. Like the action of placing her arms around my shoulders chased everything bad away. It was something I had grown more fond of as the nights passed, that I almost couldn't bear the thought of going to sleep in any other place than nestled in her arms. I sighed gently, feeling almost completely relaxed for the first time in what felt like ages. "Still awake, baby?" Naomi whispered softly.

"Yeah." I replied. "Just... content. Relaxed."

"I'm glad."

I opened my eyes and looked into Naomi's blue ones. "It makes me feel better...being in your arms. It relaxes me."

Naomi regarded me closely, and then nodded. "I quite like you being in my arms. It feels right, somehow."

"Yeah."

"Y'know... It's late... We should try and get some sleep." She said.

"I know." I replied. "Can I make you breakfast?"

Naomi laughed. "Sure... but first... sleep, yeah?"

"Mmhmm."

Naomi leaned in close and kissed me slowly. "I'll be right here, no matter what, ok?" She whispered.

"Ok." I said. A short moment passed. "Naomi?"

"Mmm?"

I looked into her eyes and reached up to rest my palm on her cheek. "I love you."

Naomi blushed slightly, and gave me a wide-eyed smile. "I love you too, Emily."

With that, I snuggled a little more into her arms, resting my head in the crook of her neck. I know I went to sleep before she did... but it didn't matter. So long as she stayed... I was content. For the time being, in that moment... that was all that mattered.

* * *

**A/N#2: I think Emily is going along with Naomi's "one thing at a time" philosophy with her last thoughts, no?**

**More ASAP...reviews most welcome.**

**Until next time...**

**~GN~ xo**


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